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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
There's a guy I go to school with who used to have a crush on me and flirted with me when we passed each other in the hallway. I just found out that he raped a girl named Ashley who I'm acquainted with, but I was sworn to secrecy by my friend, Allison who told me, not to tell anyone (mainly to protect Ashley, the victim's reputation and safety). The rape has been reported and the department faculty members are aware of it. I am very close with a teacher on that faculty and would like to discuss it with her. Do you think I'd be over-stepping my bounds? I did promise Allison (my friend who told me) that I wouldn't tell anyone about it but this teacher already knows about it anyway. Are there any bases I'm not covering that I need to be aware of before I discuss this with my teacher?
The Answer
Why do you want to speak to this teacher about it? What is it you want to ask, or to say?
That really is the question.
Honestly, you have absolutely zero right to expect this teacher to share any details with you at all. That is 100% an overstep. You may be putting her in a very difficult position even bringing it up. You don't actually know anything here, except that you have heard gossip, and at this point you have no right to know anything at all.
If you are approaching this teacher in the hopes of learning more about the situation - don't. If you are approaching this teacher because you want to talk about her feelings, opinions or beliefs on the situation - don't. If you want to talk to this teacher just because you need someone else to talk about this terribly interesting thing with - don't. All of those are selfish, drama-seeking reasons.
The only possible, acceptable reason for you to speak to this teacher, would be if you had information that investigators may need (and it doesn't seem you do) or if you were need of a trusted adult's support for your own feelings—and honestly, are you in need of support? Are you fearful or anxious or struggling to make sense of this? You don't mention that sort of trouble in your question...
If you need to talk out YOUR feelings about what you heard, then maybe, perhaps, that is sort of a valid reason to bring this up with this teacher. But even then, you'd be better off taking advantage of counselling offered by your school, then you would be putting your teacher in a position that could be uncomfortable and unfair to her, and expose her to possible issues if it even APPEARS she may have shared information with you that she should not.
In short: Unless you have a legitimate reason to bring this up that you didn't mention here. Don't.
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