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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Thanks for your answer on my virginity question, I have also googled a lot of articles. I know the hymen is not a sign of virginity, but its used to detect rape and sexual activity in some cases. I also know that no two hymen look the same.
About the fact that it could have been ruptured without any physical activity, that could be true in the sense that when I was in high school, with no form of sexual experience whatsoever, I accidentally poked in my vagina hole when I was having my bath, I was scared to death and ran to tell my friend that I think I disvirgined myself, but she laughed and said it was alright I didn't, so I guess if it was big enough to fit my finger then, then I shouldn't be worried now, it probably came side ruptured almost like a small comic book speech bubble.
About being a virgin, it bothers me cos I'm sort of in a new relationship, and I plan not to have any form of sexual activity whatsoever after my ex, I'm remaining chaste till marriage! I kinda told this new guy I was a virgin, but now that I think of it, with what I did with my ex and how I felt the tip of his D inside me even though it was for one second, and this was 8 months ago, I think I lied to this new guy about being a virgin, should I tell him I've had someone else poke me, it was nothing, but does that not make me a non virgin??
The Answer
I can't tell you if you aren't a virgin or not, because like I said: It's not an objective thing. It's not like having five fingers or three fingers. No one can look at you and tell. It's not a physical or medical concept.
It's about your personal concept and faith when it comes to sexual purity.
If you feel you've been dishonest with your new partner—that you led him to believe that you are 'more pure' than you really are—that is something you will have choose how you address. It's not something I can decide for you, because I don't share your concept of virginity. Nothing you can tell me about your body is going to change that, because it's your beliefs, not your body, that define you in this case.
If you want to be chaste—then be chaste. That's fine. Do that, but don't obsess over this little bit of skin that actually has nearly nothing to do with being chaste.
In my view, in my culture and beliefs, the fact that this is something you even have to be stressed about is just awful. You shouldn't have to feel misery over a part of your body that you have very little control over and that is actually meaningless when it comes to your sexual experience or lack there of.
That's my advice to you: Decide what you believe and then make your decisions from there. If you don't want to have sex until you are married, then don't. But I also have to take a second to address what you said about hymen being used to detect rape and sexual activity—because that's a human rights violation. It does happen, but it should never happen.
The 'some cases' where the hymen is used as an indicator of a woman's honesty are 'some cases' of straight up sexual assault and the worst sort of discrimination against women. There are places where women without intact hymen are denied jobs, not allowed to marry, or banned from making rape or assault claims if they 'fail' virginity tests. This is not something to hold up as evidence of anything good, it's just a horrific abuse of women.
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