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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Hi, i'm a 24 yr old girl and i've never had intercourse. i've been a virgin all my life except dry humping and the occasional head my ex used to give me.
Now the problem is on one occasion, while humping, i felt the head of his D in me, it is average sized like a menstral cup and it came out immediately, i didn't bleed or have any pain.
When i checked my hymen with a mirror, it looks like a microperforate hymen with a small vagina opening, but when i spread my legs wider and stretch/widen my vagina lips i could see a tiny split by the upper side like a side ruptured hymen although with smooth edges..I'm just confused because I've never checked before until now, so I don't have what to compare it with. I'm a christian and we have strong rules about virginty.
I'm worried...the split is not evident until I spread widely and stretch my vag lips wider....also, I don't know how wide a virgin's vagina opening should stretch....sometimes when I check and spread widely and stretch, it would widen that I think it would fit my ring finger to the second knuckle, i've never tried to put a finger in though, and its not as wide as the cover of a 50cl table water bottle, I'm just freaking out of mind. My hymen looks slightly different from all the pictures online of a virgin hymen, except one when they said it could look like a side ruptured hymen.
The Answer
Your hymen doesn't make you a virgin. Seriously. That's a myth. I'm sorry, because I know it's an important myth to many people, but it's a myth.
Virginity is not a medical or physical concept. It is something emotional and culturally defined. Most people nowadays define it as being about sexual partnership and sexual activity, usually of the penis-in-vagina variety. In the Middle Ages, having had oral sex would have meant someone wasn't considered a virgin anymore. People would even 'test' virginity in absurd ways. They said a virgins nipples point up. Or they gave a woman some wine to drink in a special cup and if she spilled it, that meant she wasn't a virgin.
Looking at someone hymen is no more reliable than that magic cup. Both are silly, irrational ways to define virginity.
Virginity is a cultural story that has nothing to with your hymen. People who have never touched anyone sexually before in their lives can have broken or ruptured their hymen. People who have had full-blown vaginal sex can have a mostly intact hymen. Healthy hymens have gaps to allow menstrual blood and vaginal fluids out. It would be terribly unhealthy for you if they didn't! Doctors can't tell if you have sex or not based on the state of your hymen.
If it's really important to you to know the state of your hymen, you'd be best to get a physical exam and ask a gynecologist, but the best thing for you to do would be to take a deep breath and reflect on your values and what choices you want to make—not to obsess over the state of your body. What you choose to do with your body is important. How visible your hymen is, is not.
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