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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
So, I'm getting divorced. There were a ton of problems that I won't go into. But my soon-to-be-ex is holding onto some things that have me worried. First, I have bipolar disorder. During manic episodes, I had conversations with other men about things we should not talk about, ever. Things like bestiality and worse. These were the fantasies of these men. I wanted positive attention (which I seldom got from husband) and they wanted to feel safe talking about these things. Husband spied on my facebook and emails and saved these conversations. He said he'll delete them when the divorce is final. I was promised a couple very specific things in the divorce. He has since changed what he will agree to, taking away about $200 of my promised alimony and an important holiday. I'm afraid to say no to him when he does this. He has threatened to destroy my career as a teacher and I believe he can. He has also said I could probably go to jail.
Anyway, what I want to know is if I can be punished as such for conversations where no actions happened and how I can protect myself. I want to get a lawyer and get what I was promised, but I'm too afraid.
The Answer
You need a lawyer.
It's unlikely that anything in your conversations was criminal. Talking about sex acts - even sex acts that would be criminal if you were to actually do them - is not a crime.
What your ex has suggested is blackmail, and blackmailing someone is a crime. So is stealing their private correspondence with others. He has committed at least two criminal acts. It's far more likely that he's headed to jail, than you are.
As Adviceman said, you need a lawyer, and you need to let all future conversation happen through that lawyer. Perhaps you did commit a criminal act in those conversations (but I highly doubt it), but your ex has most definitely committed a criminal act by threatening you with exposing private communication - which he stole from you - in an attempt to blackmail you.
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