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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
My favorite teacher thinks I have an unhealthy obsession with her.She wants to detached me from all her contacts.I am traumatized. wt can I do?
She is an ex faculty member of my university. Now she lives in Australia. I love her personality. She is so nice, and funny and smart. She is my role model. I often talked with her. She blocks me from her Facebook when she understands I am obsessed with her. Many of students are connected with her in Facebook. Almost all my friends, classmates, big bros and sisters are connected with her but I have lost her for my immature behavior. I am very upset now. She wants me to not contact her. I have sent her a lot of email but she is not answering them. Somehow I managed her phone number. when I phoned her then she threats me to not contact her again otherwise she will take action against me. I cried a lot and tried to convince her that I will maintain distance with her like her other students but she is reluctant to trust me. I am shocked at her changed behavior with me. Now this incident is hampering my normal life. I cannot forget her. I cannot concentrate on my study and other regular works. Now I am in depression and traumatized. Almost all the time I am feeling very upset and crying a lot. I want to get her back in my Facebook again like other students. Even I want to go to Australia to make her convince but I am helpless. What can I do? I don't want to lose any contact from her. May be she blocked my email too.I don’t want to forget her. I want to keep contact with her. I want her back in my Facebook again.Please someone advise me what should I do to solve this problem? If she gives me a last chance I will maintain a regular distance with her like her others students. But she is not believing me. And she thinks I am obsessed with her and any kind of obsession is harmful for health. But I tried to make believe that I am no more obsessed with her and I will maintain a regular distance with her. But she is not believing me.
The Answer
When someone asks you to stop contacting them, you must stop. To do otherwise is a crime. It's harassment. You must respect her wishes, and leave her completely alone.
Sometimes we make mistakes that cannot be fixed. You cannot fix what you've done. The only thing you can do, is start to behave properly now, and behaving properly now means leaving her alone completely.
She is allowed to not believe you when you say you will behave yourself, because you are NOT behaving yourself right now. Right now, behaving yourself would be respecting her wishes and not contacting her anymore.
If you are unhappy, or struggling with this, then you need to talk to a therapist about your behaviour and your obsession. It is not this teachers fault, or problem. She owes you nothing, and you owe her respect.
Respect means not having any contact with her. There is no excuse, no other way to behave properly. Stop all contact. Stop requesting contact. Stop seeking contact. If you are in pain about this, seek therapy.
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