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about
"We make war so that we may live in peace." -aristotle"If you judge someone right away, you will not be able to learn to love them."
I'm Hayley, I'll try to help you as best I can. I'm 18, and a senior in high school. I like art, music, and clothing. I'm a vegetarian abd have been consistent with it for four years. I have two dogs a westie named misty and a Maltese/poodle mix named mally. I know a lot about dogs because any time
my dogs get a scratch, I research and call the vet haha.
advice
I have been seeing this guy for about a year. It all started as a drunk hook up with him, an acquaintance back then, and after that we started seeing each other more and more, until we became best friends and developed feelings for each other. I have had a rough year and he has stuck by me through it all. During the summer, I wanted to start a relationship. I told him that I didn't want to just be friends with benefits anymore, I wanted to take the next step and make it official. He was hesitant, but he agreed. We were official for three months. During that time we fought a lot, so we decided to take a break because it seemed like things were better when we weren't officially together. He told me that the reason he agreed to a relationship with me was because he didn't want to lose me, but I could tell that he didn't truly want to be in one. So we did the unofficial thing for another few months, nothing changed except we stopped fighting and grew even closer. Yet in the back of my head it really bugged me that I was not good enough for him, that he's just using me for the benefits of a relationship without having to put in any of the work himself. I talked to him about that a few times, and he said he just feels more comfortable being what we are now. So last night I finally decided to end it because I was beginning to resent him for that, I don't like waiting around and catering to him whilst he finally decides he wants to be in a relationship with me again. I told him that we should just be friends without the benefits. He said alright let's go for it, that he understands.
I do really want to remain friends, because we do have a really beautiful friendship, but its painful at the same time because at the end of the day I still love him and want to be with him (I'm not sure if he knows that though. I've been pretty emotionally distant from him the past month or so). And I know he still cares about me but he just doesn't want an official relationship.
Did I make a mistake? Should I have stayed and waited some more? I really saw us getting married and having kids someday (he was even vaguely bringing it up), and I feel like I screwed it up. Should I tell him I think I've made a mistake?
When I've asked him why he doesn't want a relationship, he says its because of the obligations. He feels like he's obligated to spend time with me, so its forced on him. However, when we're not in a relationship, he spends time with me because he wants to. And what he said held true: when we were together, I rarely ever saw him and he didn't really pay attention to me. When we're not official, he's obviously happier and loves spending time with me. But what bothers me is that he's had girlfriends before so obviously that wasn't an issue in his past relationships.
The biggest reason why we fought while in the relationship was because I rarely saw him because we weren't taking any classes together, and I didn't have a car. Now we see each other every day because we have a class together and I got a car. So I feel like we won't have the same problems if we get into a relationship again.
Ugh. What should I do? At the end of the day I'm happy with him regardless if we're official or not, its just something that bugs me and eats away at my self esteem and makes me resent him. Did I make a mistake? Should I just talk to him about it some more?
We are both in college, and we have been exclusively seeing each other since we met.
No you did the right thing. If he truly cared about you, if he respected you enough abd liked you enough he'd want to be in a relationship with you. If he wanted to have kids with you one day, then he'd want to be dating you and only you. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you because he wants to see other girls. And what kind of bullshit answer was that.. "I feel obligated to hang out with you." ummmm yeah, the reason people get in relationships is because they wantto get to know that person better and spend significant time with them. And yeah of course he is happier when he's not in a relationship with you he's happier because he hooks up with you and then goes over to another girls house. Honestly, I don't belive him. He's getting with other girls. But, I think when you guys are official there is some kindness in him not to cheat on you.
You deserve better. I'm sure your really pretty an have a great personality, abd lots of guys would love to really date you. He's playing games with you. And I think you realize all this too because it's been bothering you.
I know your worth more!
(Rating: 2) You didn't read the question carefully. He is not seeing other girls.