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(this WILL be long)
i'm 15 f. turning 16 in december.
katie just turned 14 [but shes in my grade]
Okay, last night my friend was having problems with her boyfriend.. he refused to drive her home or anywhere so i asked my boyfriend to go and get katie.
after helping her and listening to her bash on and on about her boyfriend, my mom comes upstairs and asks what we want for dinner. we dont want anything because im not hungry and katie had food at her house.
after katie and dave talked and worked everything out (via text message & phone calls) he said that he'll pick her up to talk it out more and in a more mature way talking face to face. okay..
katie offers for me to sleep over. i say okay, but my moms asleep. ill leave a note. well, right when were about to leave [and get into katies boyfriends car] my mom is coming upstairs. i whisper "shit, katie, hold my bag!" my mom says to katie & I, "what are you guys doing?" i said "i'm sleeping over katies house tonight i dont have any plans (this is like at 10 at night)". my mom was like whos driving? Well, you should always tell the truth because in the end itll just come out bad. "katies boyfriend". my mom went off the walls. she was like "I'm not allowing katie to get in the car with a boy. laura, you're staying home. katie, get your mom on the fucking [sorry for the language] phone!!!" i go "MOM, WHAT THE FUCK, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" i text my boyfriend saying "i'm sorry we cant hang out at katies tonight".
katie maturely gets her mom on the phone on her cell phone. well, my mom goes. HANG UP THE PHONE. i go.. "what the fuck mom you either want to talk to her or you DONT!" katie is like "karen, this is the only way i have to get home, so i need to take this ride. i'm getting in that car, my mom knows about it, please, chill out" my mom starts to argue with her! "katie get your mom on the phone, write down her number right now! i'm not allowing you to get in the car with a guy when i dont have your parents permission." while im just sitting there watching my mom flip a shit at my friend.. i'm getting heated as shit.
my mom calls katies moms cell phone, because her mom was out to dinner with family. "it went to voicemail and it only said please leave a message, now i dont know who the fuck i called". yet again.. im getting more and more heated. and so is katie. katie says "here, ill give you my house number" my mom calls and no one answers because yet again, THEIR OUT TO DINNER!
well, katies boyfriend shows up and he calls "katie, im here come outside please its cold" she says to my mom "well, hes here, dave hold on a second". my mom goes "who the fuck is DAVE?" she goes "my boyfriend" my mom goes "how old is he?" she says "17" i go "MOM SINCE WHEN WAS IT YOUR FUCKING BUISNESS HOW FUCKING OLD HE IS, MOM GROW THE FUCK UP (my boyfriend calls and i ment to press scilent but i accidentally answered) SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SERIOUSLY GO FUCK YOURSELF. I FUCKING HATE YOU MOM YOU'RE EMBARISSING THE SHIT OUT OF ME. HONESTLY, I WANT YOU OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE RIGHT NOW, THATS THE HONEST TRUTH." well, my mom didnt even answer that. so katie goes "hes waiting outside, i have to go" and she just walks out. well, now becuase of her actions, im grounded. i cant go out for a week. my mom is offically physco and says "whenever you go to a friends house, or whenever they come over here, i HAVE TO TALK TO A PARENT!"
it's like my mom doesn't trust me anymore! what do i do, what do i say to her? i honestly did NOTHING! i dont even know what I! did wrong. last night i was about to kill myself, im not even kidding. it's like my mom cant accept that im growing up and that i WILL make mistakes, [oh btw my boyfriends turning 18 in november.] and she doesnt approve that my boyfriends 2 years older then i am. what ever happened to the saying "age doesnt matter?" do any of you know where im coming from? suhfiauh i need so much help, PLEASE (link)
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ADVICE
Well as a parent myself I can understand how your mother is feeling. How your mother is acting though could be handeled and little bit better. Your actions as well could be handeled a little better too. If you want your mother to trust you and allow you more freedom, you will have to let her feel very involved in everything that you do. I know that sucks the way it sounds but it's your only shot at gaining some freedom back, and for you to regain your mothers trust. Your mother is being very protective and we all do that with our children. Your mothers fears with you and your boyfriends age differance is completely normal. Your mother frears things like you and your boyfriend having sex. Doing anything reckless without thinking of the consiquences and so on. Your mother is over reacting but it might not all be because of you. If she already does not approve of your boyfriend and does not care for him she is going to take it out on you. Your mother might be over reacting, and what your mother may not realize is if she continues to treat you this way all her fears will become true. Your mother will drive you into your boyfriends arms by continueing to at this way. I will give you a tip though the more you react when your mother puts her foot down the worse things will be for you. It has come to that point in your life where you are going to have to sit down with your mother and have a real adult conversation with her. Tell her how her actions are not helping and that you are aware of her fears as a parent. Reassure her that she brought you up smart enough to know what to do and what not to do. Also let her know that when and if you do have sex you will take all the nessisary actions to prevent pregnancy and so on. Dont lie to your mother, be upfront and honest with her always. Ask your mother what kinds of things you can do to make her feel better about you, so she can trust you more. As far as wanting to end it all with the way your mother is making you feel, we all have been there. I to did not have a great relationship with my mother when I was a teenager. I thought my mother was crazy and off her rocker. We used to fight and I did not have a whole lot of freedom, because she would take it all away, sometimes for no reason at all. So my suggestion is this, have that talk with her, show her that you are more mature than she gives you credit for. Start doing things to rebuild her trust. Most of all remember in two years you will be 18 and your mother might lose you all together if you cant work on your relationship now. Be honest with your mother and tell her she is driving you away. Not only emotionally but with her actions as well. No parent ever wants to lose contact with their children. This might also be another fear your mother is having. When a parent is not sure what to do or how to handle things they will lock you up. Its the only way they have left to try to control situations that makes them feel uncomforable. The best thing you can do is build a better relationship with your mother. Try to refrain from all the cusing if at all possible. That is disrespectful on both your parts. All that does is make your mother more angry I am sure. I would never allow my children to speak to me that way. The only other concern that is really bothering me is you saying that you felt like killing yourself. Things suck right now I know, but that is never the answer. I have been there and felt that way many times myself, but we all work through it and we learn to become a much stronger person because of it. When your feelngs that low think of all the people that would miss you, and how much something like that would affect them. It might be hard to see what your future holds but you should want that furure. Two years just think two years, its not that long left to live at home. Find something that you and your mother can do just you and her. Make your mother feel like your are still her little girl to a point. Dont shut your mother out of your life completely, let her know that you still need her, and she is not forgotten. Your mother may feel like you dont need her anymore, and that can really hurt. I hope this helps I would like to talk to you some more, please leave me any more questions you might have in my inbox... keep me posted I really want to help you get past this. It will pass believe me, and things will get better.
Always remember ondayatatime
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Rating: 5
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oh my god. you give amazing advice. thank you so much. i deffinitly will keep in contact with you about what happens :)
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