Hi I'm Jeannie.I would love to help you with any questions you may have, so feel free to ask, no question I would ever consider stupid or embarassing so don't worry. Also, I am a college student, and I have been through a few things, so if you would like my opinion just ask, if not then please specify. And remember that you are beautiful no matter what you feel or what you are going through. :)
Gender: Female
Location: Florida
Occupation: student
Age: 18
Member Since: June 25, 2008
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Last Update: May 4, 2011
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So I think I am depressed but I have never been to a doctor to get help or anything. Usually I just hide all my emotions in and then when Im riding my horses I will take my anger out and use that as stress releif. But latley that has not been enough. Earlier this year I was un happy with my body image so I turned to bilimia to make myself thinner, that helped me feel better about myself until I started passing out at gymnastics practices, I was able to overcome this on my own and not have to tell anyone. I thought I was doing better but sense summer has been here I have been a weck, my anger is taking over me and I have been physically hurting myself and I just try and stay away from people because I feel as if people are judging me and are annoyed by me. I fight with my family all the time, except my older brother who no longer lives with me, I have an older sister and my parents idolize her they think she is just perfect she, has all the friends, good in school, never lets anything affect her, Im not as good in school I have problems focusing and I struggle with school, my parents beleive that because my sister is cappable in getting good grades and scholerships that I should be able to do the same and I am just not trying, I also have many problems at school socially I try and get involved but I feel so uncomfertable I dont have any true friends when we have to pair up in groups I am always the last one or the one left out of groups.... I dont go to the school district that I live in but the school district I live in that is the school I want to go to I have friends there from sports and 4-H but my mom does not want me to attend there because she thinks that it will be the same for me there that it is in my school now, school is starting soon and I think that if I have to go back to my original school I might blow up and just not be able to take it anymore. When my family was on vacation, my sister said a little thing that made me explode so I didnt want to eat dinner with the family so i could cool down but my dad ended up not letting me then my dad and I ended up in a physical fight where my mom and sister had to break us up, I cracked on my parents and tried to kill myself that was the first wake up call to them but they still dont get it they think it was just one bad day, and they dont know how I truely feel, and how sad and lonely I really am I need help because Im not sure how much longer I can take it. (link)
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Okay first of all breathe. Okay, you really do need help. What you need to do is go to your parents and say exactly how you feel, yes I am aware that they may not listen, but if you show them that you are serious they will listen. Explain to them as calmly as you can whats going on. Like about your sister getting better grades and having more friends. It really hurts being left out doesn't it. I was always the butt of every joke. Iwould go home and cry and pull my eyelashes out, that was my self mutilation, I know its sick. But I mean my "friends" were always talking about me calling me names, soon I forgot who I was and I began to hate myself and everyone else around me. I got to highschool and people were nicer to me. Pretty soon I let my guard down, I still have the occasional people who are jerks, yep thats what they are, jerks, but I no longer let it affect who I am. I have tried to stop eating b/c i though it was my weight i was 5'4 and 90 lbs, my doctor almost put me in rehab for aneroxia, so I understand the eating disorder, I got my parents attention, and everything fell into place. What you need to do is, forget your sister for right now, sit your parents down, only them, and explaing EVERYTHING that is going on, so they have a clear understanding. Okay, if they still aren't getting it, talk to a colse friend or trusted adult, b/c if you continue down this road you can cause severe bodily harm. You are worth so much alive than you are dead. Please remember that, and please get yourself help, I've been on your side, it takes a while but with faith, and writing songs, and some caring people, I am the person I am today, happy, and alive.
If you need anything email me back okay. I wish you nothing but the best as you continue down a hard road, but this road is good, because the light is already shining:)
You are not meant to die, no matter what your habits are telling you, they are evil, don't let them control you or own you b/c they don't.
Listen to the song "Stand in the rain" by superchick. and "The Last NIght" by skillet. It will really help you:)
All the best!!
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Rating: 5
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Thanks Alot and the songs did help, I am in high school going to be a sophmore everything was fine for me back in middle school then stupid girl drama made pretty much everyone hate me because I dated a guy that pretty much made my friends turn on me so once high school started for me last year it just went down hill from there I don't know about talking to both of my parents because my dad and I struggle with our relationship everyday my mom and I are a little closer but I think I might just write her a letter or something to help her understand how I feel. But thanks ALOT! Sorry this is so long lol
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