kc's advice column

A girl from my school and her boyfriend just died in a car wreck. They were 16 and 17. For some reason, though I didn't know them personally, this really makes me sad. I did know one of her best friends though, so I just sent a little "I'm sorry" to her through email. I'm sure she already has a lot of those. There was also a bulletin posted in her memory asking everyone to re-post it and ave a moment of silence for her. I didn't feel like reposting it, but a lot of people did. Well, I got a reply from my "I'm sorry". The friend got really mad at me and said I didn't even know this girl and everyone should stop acting like they did. Now, I know she must be going through a lot of pain, but is really that bad for me to say I was sorry? She also posted a bulletin on myspace this morning about how no one knew the girl like she did and everyone should stop pretending like they cared. I really don't want to start something, and I know what she's going through (I've had family deaths and severe injuries related to car accidents), but this is sounding a little rude to me. I mean, if I were to die, or a friend were to die, I would want people to care. Please help me understand, why in the world this girl is hating everyone for caring?

Just because you did not know her personally does not mean you cannot be upset about a death. It is someone that goes to your school, which is scary and upsetting, so no one has the right to tell you that you cannot grieve.

I, too, went through this. A guy on my Cross Country team committed suicide last year. Him and I were not close, just a hi in the hall way kind of thing. I was crushed when I heard he died. It is such an unreal situation. They had people who were crying and upset go to the library, and his best friend was there. They were all telling stories and crying together, and one stated that half the people in the library should not be there, because they did not know him.

He says this because he was the guy's best friend, they did everything together. It was true what he ment, but I took what he said in a different way. He said half the people did not know him, but I think he ment that half the people did not know him like he did, which was undoubtfully true. Nobody knew him like he did, and no one was trying to take that away from him. In fact, the people in the library are just trying to comfort him, and everyone around him.

It was upsetting hearing that, but I do understand where he was coming from, and you should too.

It was her best friend who died, and she is just as upset as you would be in this situation. Don't say anything back to her, let her grieve on her own, this seems like the only way she could grieve is out of anger, which is understandable.

This is a difficult time for everyone, but you have every right to feel bad about what happened, because it is not something anyone wants to go through. It shows you have a heart and that you care for the people around you, even if you do not know them.

You are sweet, and keep being sweet to those even though they are not back. It is what they need right now even if they do not think so themselves.

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(Rating: 5) ok thank you so much :) that makes me feel better

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