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I really need to start taking my own advice.

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f/14
okay so basically, i used to have a perfect life, then my parents got divorced and my dad went and got his new girlfriend pregnant so now i have a baby brother. none of that is my problem though, that's just backround info. so one day i decided to just experiment and cut myself. from then on, im a completley different person. i am addicted to cutting and im never happy everyone in my life found out my problems and ive been to therapy so much its discusting. the only person i tell anyone anything is my best friend. her parents are alcoholics and she has the worst anxiety and bi-polar ever but her parents don't care. every day i pray and pray that i will die because i hate everything and i'm never happy. i've tried multiple times to commit suicide but have not been succesful. my best friend doesn't do anything bad, then the other night she told me she cut herself. if it wasnt for me she would never have done it, and im bulimic and she made herself throw up. i feel like im ruining everything. everyone is so stressed about me they dont have time for anything and i dont even want it. i want to die so badly its sickening. i know how to kill myself for real but i know i cant do it because theres still a part of me that's scared, scared of leaving and what people will do and what will happen. idk what to do i hate being here but i dont know where to turn anymore. every day i get worse and worse and no one even knows or cares. the world would be so much better without me so why should i even stay?

Why should you stay?
-Because you have a little brother now, someone that could easily become an inspiration for you to be a better you. One day he might look up to his older sister, he might want you to take him to the movies, or to the gas station for a slurpee, or he might come to you for girl advice. You have another purpose in your life now thanks to that little guy. :)

-More then likely your parents still love you. I'm sure you've heard it before 'we still love you, we just don't love each other' Thats probably true. You give them a reason to wake up every morning, they should give you a reason to wake up every morning.

-Your best friend. You clearly see how you effect her, why not turn that around and effect her in a more positive way. You two can talk out your problems instead of carving them into your skin. Everything is easier when you're doing it with someone you care about. When you both get angry or you have something built up inside you can exercise to get it out, write it in a song together, paint it in a picture, or just wither it away by having a good time in the sun.

-Summer, try getting some sun. Its proven that sun enhances the mood and increases some vitamin in you that makes you happier. Why don't you and your friend go to the pool? Go on a walk, see the beauty in the world. Listen to the birds, the waves, the wind. You are on this earth for a purpose, there is something about you that someone loves.

-You, you should stay for you. You don't want your story to just end do you? YOU can be your inspiration. There are plenty of people on this earth who have become famous, billionaires, fallen in love, had children, changed the world, even though they had jerks for parents. Be who YOU want to be, do what makes YOU happy. Find a passion that you love, whether its a sport, writing, poetry, art, music etc.

For everything else, the cutting, the eating disorders; only you can change that. Talking them out to people can help and make it easier. You and your best friend can do that! Or you can ask to see a counseler at school. But all in all, if YOU want to change you can change.

Let me know if you need to talk about anything else.
The best of luck

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