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I'm psychic and a sociologist, and combined with the many different professions I've had, husbands, friends and family, and my share of bad neighbors too, gives me the knowledge and experience to cast new light on many old problems that we all face. Ask questions about anything you want and need answers to: Boyfriend or husband, school, sex, decorating, careers and career changes, family and friends, pets, diets and health and illnesses, finances, moving and relocating, divorce or marriage, and the nosey problem neighbor. -- Ask JR

advice

ive had a big crush on my best friend for the longest time. in feb, i told him how i felt about him and he told me that he couldnt commit and would rather just be friends. he kept giving off the wrong ideas to me because thats the way he shows affection, by hugging flirting ect. but he did not like me. basically i kept getting hurt because i kept wanting to believe he did and then got let down. until one day i told him i got over him (not entirely true).

ever since we've become best friends and earlier this month he confessed somthing to me. he told me that he was going through a phase where he wasnt sure of his sexuality, in other words he thought that he was gay. but he said that he realized that he is strait. and he told me that when i told him i liked him, he wasnt sure what to do because really he does care about me but he couldnt see me like that. but now things are so totally different. the only thing keeping us apart is fear, he is afraid or commitment. he said that he cant afford a relationship because well lets just say his first girlfriends broke his heart and his second one was too clingy. and he doesnt want to ruin our friendship i guess.
god if only he knew that i wont be like them.

i really like him and he doesnt even know about it. he really seems to like me too, i think. i mean he always sits next to me, puts his arm around me, grabs my hands and plays with them, hugs me- and then says he wants another hug, waits for me, wants to hang out with me all the time, makes fun of me- by calling me pet names, and the other day i saw him looking at me in class and when i looked at him he turned away.

i gave up all hope on him until he hinted that he might like me but obviously he isnt gonna put his feelings on the line because he thinks that i dont like him. if thats what he really wants i could stand just being friends, its not that bad actually. but i really do like him and well i want to tell him but i dont exactly know how to. do u think that if i threw major hints then he might respond? what are some good hints that he wont miss? seriously i need help on this one. how do i let him know that i will be a great girlfriend and i wont break his heart. how can i make him get over his problems with commitment?
THANK YOU SO MUCH =)

Sounds like he is bi-sexual or thinks he might be, and that might partially be due to being hurt by an ex-girlfriend too.

Anyway, he values your friendship and must feel safe with you and not want to take it any farther in fear of it ending badly and ruining your friendship/relationship.

He enjoys the hugging and holding hands and everything but the committment because it means he can do what he wants without being hurt or the possibility of being hurt.

The best thing you can do is to continue being his best friend and allow him time to heal and trust you for you and realize that you are not his ex and sooner or later nature will take it's course of at least, remain best of friends.

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