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advice

i'm underconfident. its kinda weird coz ive just started going out with this guy who has a ton of confidence...he doesnt care what anyone thinks. i feel a bit shy or intimidated around him sometimes. when im around my friends and stuff im confident but i really really need help in becoming more confident, coz i dont wanna seem like a total innocent loser. :S

please help!

First of all, he is not confident if he doesn't care what people think-- it's called arrogance. There is a difference, as everyone cares what people think to some extent. Everyone does. Ask yourself of anyone else that you know of that doesn't. Do you hang around with them?

Sit down with pen and paper, make two columns.

One side list what you are confident of about yourself, what you're proud of, your good points.

On the other side, list what you are not confident about, insecure of, dislike about yourself, need work on, etc.

Utilize the good points on the good confident side. Try to improve yourself on the lack of confidence side so you can mark it off and enter it on the good side later when mastered.

If your friends make you feel good about yourself, then talk to them about this problem and let them help you with boosting your ego. Friends can do that for friends! You are not a looser and they will tell you that!

I personally would be myself around this new guy you started dating and see how it goes being yourself. But dear, if he's the type to not care enough what people think, then he might be an arrogant jerk, and you're miscontrueing that as confidence.

What on earth will he say or do around your parents and friends that will embarass you one day? At a store or restuaraunt? Is he rude? Take notice and I'll bet at times he is but you can't see it yet because it's a new relationship and we all look past those faults...what will the relationship be like in 6 months from now? Will you still be shy and insecure and lack of confidence while he's kickin'it as confident as can be? You can only feel worse about yourself after that long a time. You are not a looser.

Go for the shyer type guy that undertands your shyness and you'll hit it off easily. Alikes understands alikes. There's guys out their that are great but insecure too.

Try the double column list and that's not just for you, we all should do this periodically to keep ourselves in check and constantly strive to improve our faults or things we dislike about ourselves....What one person dislikes, another one likes.

Good luck on your endeavor.

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(Rating: 3) Thankyou very much for your advice I appreciate it and I will try it... but honestly I don't think it's appropriate that you put him down like that. To be honest I can't believe you just did that. You don't know me, you don't know him, that's just plain rude. Are you confident?? Are you 'arrogent' too?? Rude?? Hmm... think about it.

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