isis's advice column

I've been away for a while due to a serious illness and subsequent health issues.

Favourite quotes of the moment:

The children of Israel wandered the desert for 40 years - Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions!

Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. whatever we do to the thread, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect. - Chief Seattle.

We spend the first 12 months of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. We spend the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up!

As you slide down the bannisters of life, may the splinters never be pointing the wrong way.

May you be in Heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

I've been very happily married since August 1980 to a wonderful man and have beautiful twin girls, now aged 31. Both are married to wonderful young men and one of our girls has recently made us grandparents to a beautiful, smart and feisty granddaughter. I studied geology with the Open University. I am retired from being a manager in a large UK based insurance company which I actually quite enjoyed. (How sad is that?). I love anything to do with the environment and wildlife and try to do my bit for preservation and conservation. I would like there to be a decent world for our grandchildren to inherit. I also have CFS so find life a bit of a challenge at times but always hope for better health in the future.

I have a deep interest in the spiritual and the paranormal worlds, having experienced several incidents myself, and have been involved in meditation groups and groups that (safely) explore the paranormal. There is more to this life than we would normally credit, so an open mind is always the best option. You're not so likely to get caught by surprise!

I have a deep fascination for anything to do with Ancient Egypt, as you can probably tell by my name. I have statues and paintings all around the house. As my hubby has a similar interest in Native Americans, we tend to have a lot of unusual wall decorations, like a tomahawk.

I love cars, especially vintage ones, but my all time favourite has to be the Bugatti Chiron, what a car!

I have had a lot to do with animals over the years. I have fostered many, helped to set up a wildlife charitable hospital and raised a diverse range of young animals from bats to fox cubs and different species of birds, even a baby deer! I have had great pleasure in sharing my life and home with a number of animals over the years, most of them rescues. I am currently sponsoring an Amur Tiger, they are such beautiful cats and desperately need help, there are so few of them left. I was lucky enough a couple of years ago to meet some Aye-Aye's and Livingstone's Bats, a truly wonderful experience. We now have three cats, Oliver and Mollie, a brother and sister, he's a ginger and she's a tortoiseshell and a black and white called Daisy. She arrived in a taxi and was left on our doorstep in a cat carrier with the message that 'they knew we loved cats and would be good to her'. She has settled down well and gets on wonderfully with the other two.

If you have a pet that is showing ANY signs of illness or distress, please, please, please take it to a vet! Even if finance is an issue, work that out later. It is cruel to leave an animal suffering for any reason. Most animals do not show signs of illness until they have been ill for some time, basic instinct tells them it is a display of vulnerability, and certain death in the wild. Their instincts have not caught up with domesticity.

I do feel that we should all treat others as we would wish to be treated. Bad karma comes back to haunt us.

advice

i have a classmate-- er a very close friend of mine-- he's a boy... in our first year in high school, he have this kind of girl (also our classmate) that he had crushed on. me, i just tease them when i could, this is still without malice for me. then, they become g/bf... i am happy for them at tjhat time. until we're now sophomore students and they're still relationshipped with each other. on their 10th month of relationship, i opened in our group friends (he's one of our group) that i don't like the past days' attitude of his gf. they all agreed and noticed the same thing. then he talked with his gf, with me and other involved friends. they're up to in a break-up. i really REALLY want to help them because i don't want their relationship be ruined because of my opening of the forum. imagine, 10 months relationship!

then, in talking with her bf, little by little my feelings arose for him. i dunno... before i sleep i make up a story like he's my bf and we both love each other... and like he talked to his gf with me (only the 3 of us) about their official break-up and that i'm now his new gf. but it's just in my dreams.

for now, he was urprised when she txted him "i luv u" on their 11th monsary, which, he said, he thought they were already just friends...

i love him... i think... what should i do?

thankzzz alot..

Let's take this in two parts.

The first part is the relationship with your friend and his girlfriend.
I would say that either your friend does not have strong convictions and allowed himself to be swayed by opinion, or he was already aware of certain problems with his girlfriend but didn't/couldn't admit them until the 'forum'. Now if the 'forum' made him aware that all his friends had a low opinion of this girl and he was concerned about her as well, the discussion could have just given him the push he needed to end it. However, if he really liked her and broke up because he felt his friends didn't, that would show that he lacks courage and possibly moral fibre.
Having said that, you are still quite young and relationships don't usually tend to last at that age for all sorts of reasons. One of the biggest being that you are still developing your own personalities, likes, dislikes, opinions etc. So you change, and if the other person doesn't change in the same way, you drift apart. If this is the case with your friend and the girl, there's really nothing you can do, it's between the two of them. Just support him if he needs it, and he will, at some point, find someone else.

Now, as to the second part, you're attracted to him and there's nothing wrong with that, unless you make a move he's either not ready for or wants. All you can do, again, is to be there for him, let him enjoy your company and let him see that life with you would be great. If you do say anything to him, you run the risk of ruining the friendship, it's very difficult to make the transition from friend to girlfriend. If you are in love, you should know without hesitation. Give it some time just to make sure.
You could talk to him about the text she sent, find out how he feels about it. Does he miss her? Would he want her back? Did he feel love for her, and if so, does he still? This would give you some insight into how and where he is with regard to the old relationship and the possiblity of forming a new one. You can only play it by ear for now. But, keep in mind that if he split with her because he felt his friends didn't like her, is he going to be like this again? Either with you or anything else going on his life. If he does lack courage in his convictions, and I'm not saying that this is the case, just something for you to think about, he could drift through life trying to do what others want because he can't break away and do his own thing. If this is the case and you can cope with a man like that, hang in there and see where it takes you, if not, forget him as a potential boyfriend and find someone else.

There's a lot of possiblities here but I hope I have given you some things to think about to help with your decision. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.

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(Rating: 5) thanks alot! it sure really relieved me... haaaaay...

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