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Me and my boyfriend are going through really hard times right now. He keeps telling me how he's too busy to talk or too tired to even figure things out. And I feel like I've just been the one to deal with his bad moods lately. Last night I was explaining to him how hurt I was about the fact that I was crying and all he could talk about was how tired he was about it. He just said that he just can't deal with all of this, so I told him that he doesn't have to deal with me anymore and we hung up. I'm always the one to come back to him after a fight. So, this time I'm letting him make the move. He's called twice tonight and I didn't answer because I just think he needs more room.
So my questions are: If he really cares about me, will he still keep calling to prove that he does want this to work?
How will I know that he really does want this to work?
Should I give him time? because I really don't want to be hurt anymore by the fact that he doesn't want to talk lately.
I need some advice, I will rate to let you know what I think
Well I've been through the same thing with my bf. Whenever a guy says they are too tired to talk, or just can't handle any of this anymore, they are wanting space. And it is best to let them have it. Let him be the one to call. The fact that he is calling should tell you he really does care about you. So the next time he calls answer it and talk with him. Now obviously you are the one always confronting him with the problems in the relationship. So flip that around. Talk to him about things that happened today, ask him how his day was, regular kind of things. Let HIM be the one to bring up the issues you guys are going through. If he never does then try a different way of talking to him about it. In person. Over the phone, it is easy to make excuses not to talk about it, and it frustrates both of you when you are pushing and he is pulling back. When you talk in person he can't just say he is tired of talking about it and hang up. He HAS to talk to you, face to face. It is very hard to read someone's emotions over the phone, but in person, you can tell how they really are feeling without them even saying a word. Now when you guys talk in person, do not make a fight out of it. Be calm and collected, even if he isn't and starts to get offended. You say you are always the one feeling bad after a fight. So basically you feel like you take all the blame for the fights you both go through. Well it takes two to fight, so it is never just your fault. So this time let him be the one to be totally wrong. Don't raise your voice or say anything offensive. Talk to him about it calmly. If he gets angry, but you continue acting calm, he will lighten up, because he is the only one getting offended. Just give him and you some time to cool off. The more pressure you guys put on eachother when you are fighting, the worse the fights and your relationship will be. Hope I helped. Need anymore advice feel free to note my inbox. Good luck!
~Sherah
(Rating: 5) I feel like you've given me more than just an answer to my question. It's probably something that I will use forever in my relationships and thats what makes somebody who gives advice a great advisor. Thank you so much.