Gender:
FemaleLocation:
MinneapolisOccupation:
Part-time box lifter, full-time lazy bastard. Sometimes I pretend to go to college.Age:
21AIM:
Translucent0313Member Since:
March 12, 2006Answers:
43Last Update:
March 22, 2006Visitors:
4348Favorite Columnists
Razhie
alisonmarie
Vikki27
TheOldOne
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Random Weirdos
Love Life
View All
about
re-lo.I am a blunt, cynical, nerdy nymphomaniac, incapable of shutting my mouth (partially due to chromosomal content). On several past occasions, I've managed to convince someone that my IQ was larger than my breast size, but my general intelligence and comprehension capabilities waver somewhere between a waffle cone and a gerbil.
I know nothing about everything, in stark contrast to poncy intellectuals everywhere, but I can maintain a pleasant facade of knowledge in these categories: alternative lifestyles, (alternative) sexuality and culture, embarrassing nuances of human behavior, grammar, dorkiness, makeup (I wear a shit ton), ancient cultures, art, mental illnesses, body modification.
advice
All right, I'm a relatively healthy (physically and mentally, I hope) young woman. I've never been intimate with a man. However, I've realized more and more that violence turns me on. For instance, when I see rape on TV or in a movie, I feel myself becoming aroused. When I fantasize, I always have these dark fantasies where a man is hurting me and forcing himself on me. It's not like I don't appreciate or crave romance - I do! Why am I having these thoughts though? I don't want to be hurt or violated or anything, but it just turns me on. Is it all right? Would a man be freaked out if I shared this with him? Would he take advantage of me? I've always thought I was a "good girl".
I think it's totally normal. Of course, I'm also a kinky bastard. I'm guessing that what turns you on isn't necessarily the physical pain, but the fact that someone is utterly unable to resist you, that you have unleashed their baser instincts, so to speak. That circumstances are beyond your control entirely. Nothing is expected of you except that you be there corporeally. It's sometimes refreshing to be that passive. And it's obviously incredibly flattering, of course, especially when played out in your head by some handsome rebel. Unfortunately, real rape is absolutely nothing like that. It's dirty and ugly and emotionally scarring. Because of this, women are psychologically trained to feel shame when thinking about rape as anything related to lust instead of power. OF COURSE there is a differentiation mentally, though. Being coerced into sex mentally and physically willingly (although it may not be apparent during the act itself, as that's part of the fantasy) by a person you're attracted to is miles away from rape, in my opinion. It's just slightly less vanilla sex. Bottom line: I think most people are into things that push boundaries already, and many sexual partners are at least amenable to the idea of taking control. So I doubt a man would be "freaked out," but I wouldn't necessarily tell him right away, especially not in a dark alleyway, har har.
p.s. Your feelings might be a manifestation of your desire. If you've never been intimate with a man, but it's been for reasons out of your control, it's probably your subconscious' way of making it easier on you. I mean, if someone else is doing all the work, you're freed of the awkwardness and potential embarrassment of helping?
I'm talking out of my ass, but I hope it helps.
(Rating: 5) Thanks, your advice is sound and you've really hit the nail on the head. You've given me a lot to consider.