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Okay, I have a wonderful boyfriend. He's my best friend in the whole world, we talk about anything and everything. Trust is not an issue and never has been in about 7 months of dating. (And about a year of a friendship before that.) I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We've discussed all the issues that need to be discussed, such as our views on children, religion, and our personal goals for education and career, etc.
But I have another factor affecting my life that he doesn't know about, not because I don't trust him enough to tell him, but because of the huge impact that it would have on my life, my family, and him if I were to tell him. I have never told anyone about this and now that I've found love I see how stupid I've been in keeping it a secret and what the consequences of doing so could be. I feel like I have to tell him, and that if I just tell him everything would be okay, but I don't know. I don't know how he would take it or how my family would take it, and I know that it could possibly ruin a lot of things that I've worked for. I know I'm being a bit vague, but I need help on how to introduce this to my boyfriend and how to help him realize that it's not his fault that I haven't told him. And I think I need his help in introducing it to my parents as well.
Quite frankly, this is a huge leap into the unknown and I don't know how to make it. Has anyone had similar experiences that might help me sort through this?
Thanks in advance.
Well I think the most difficult thing to do is open up to someone about something that could affect not only your personal relationship with your b/f, but with your family as well. But you NEED to be open with him about this secret. Show him that just because you have kept it from him for so long, that it was not because you didn't trust him, it was because of other more personal reasons. He should be understanding, but know that it will probably be a huge shock to him, since it has been so long into the relationship and this huge secret has not even been brought to his attention or discussed. Whatever the secret is you need to be understanding of his feelings, be considerate, and tell him it with tact. Maybe start out by saying something like: "Baby, we need to talk about something. It isn't neccesarily bad, but it is something that I need to tell you. I love you so much and I trust you with all my heart. You have always been there for me, and that is why this is so hard to bring up. There is something I have been not only keeping from you but I have also been keeping from my family as well. I felt it would be easier to dismiss the issue then to bring it up to you, which is so stupid on my part. I'm sorry about that, but I want you to know that I love you and I hope you understand..." Then go on and tell him your secret. Being tactful, yet blunt makes everything you are telling him straightforward and honest, even though he might feel a bit betrayed by the fact that you never told him in the first place. You need to find the strength to open up to him about this. No matter how hard it seems, just take a deep breath and do it. In the end it should be fine. I'm not saying it will all be so simple and so easy, but it will be difficult at first... AT FIRST. Time heals all pain, and problems as well. And everything happens for a reason. So be bold, be strong, and be honest. He loves you and you love him. That is all that matters and he shouldn't take whatever you tell him the wrong way. Good luck! Feel free to note my inbox if you want. I hope everything turns out good for you.
~Sherah
(Rating: 5) Thank you so, so much. I cannot possibly express how much your answer helped, I think I can have the strength to tell him. Thank you.