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I've been friends with this guy for about 2 years now, and a few months ago he confessed to me that he really likes me. i told him i wasn't sure about my feelings (beyond friendship) and that i didn't want to rush anything, and he was okay with it. we don't see each other too often, but i enjoy the time we spend together. i'd be ready to take the relationship further because we really are a good match personality-wise and i do like him a lot, but the only thing that bothers me about him are his looks. i hate admitting that to myself and i'm ashamed that i let it stand in my way. he's a really great guy, but physically he's like a 3 on 10! i know i should be able to, well, look past his looks, but it's hard to imagine being more than friends with someone you aren't really attracted to. i'm just so angry with myself...but i can't help it...i can't see myself being able to introduce him to people as my boyfriend or kissing him. it drives me up the wall being unsure of what i want just because he's far from good-looking! i've never thought of myself as shallow; i've been with other guys who couldn't have been considered that cute and it didn't bother me because i liked them for their personality, but this guy is just so far from even that...what's worse is that recently i met another guy who's really cute and who seems interested in me, and even though i don't feel nearly as much of a connection with him as i feel with my other friend, i'm tempted by him because he's just...so much more tempting!! i don't want to hurt anyone and i don't want to make the wrong choice because something stupid is holding me back. sorry for this being so long, but if anyone has any advice i'd appreciate it VERY much!
Alright, I have totally been there. And I know exactly how you are feeling. You don't want to be one of those stuck up, superficial girls that just dates a guy for his looks. But if you feel bad about it and you know that you aren't like that, then stop beating yourself up about it. You know you have a connection with him, but attraction is far from what you would want/need in a relationship. So here is the deal: you shouldn't think that it is so wrong not to date him because of his looks. I've dated guys that weren't exactly hot as hell, cute, or even decent in many people's views, but to me their personality made them so amazing that looks didn't matter. But there have been a few guys that just didn't even strike me as okay looking. They had great personalities and I could totally connect with them on an emotional level, but if I thought about anything physically I would feel sick. THAT is not a good sign! You may love his personality, and you may feel an emotional connection with him, but that's not the whole issue. To have a good, lasting relationship with someone there HAS to be attraction as well. This doesn't mean that you are superficial. Everyone knows that there has to be attraction and a connection emotionally for a real relationship to actually work. And if you date him because you don't want to hurt his feelings you will be hurting him even worse in the end and you could mess up a great friendship. So just lay low and then let him know that you're just not sure if dating would be a good idea because you guys have been friends for so long and it could potentially mess things up between you two if something happened when you guys were dating. He should definently understand. Now the other guy that is super cute and you are tempted by? Give him a chance. And by that I mean get to know him. You may be tempted by his looks, but you got to make sure there is more to him then just his looks. Get to know him, talk to him, and see if you guys have more than just that physical connection. Now if you guys do end up getting together just be wary of your guy friend. He will most definently be hurt by this because he wished he was that guy, and he will probably sense the real reason why you won't date him is possibly because of his looks. But if he gets offended and says you never dated him because of his looks, let him know that that was NOT the problem. Sometimes lying can be a good thing. lol. Well I hope my advice has helped. If you need anymore advice feel free to message my inbox. Good luck!
~Sherah
(Rating: 5) thanks so much for your advice (unattractive guy question), it really helped. you gave what was probably the best answer. don't ever leave advicenators! :P