Member Since: April 19, 2021
Answers: 179
Last Update: June 27, 2022
Visitors: 7611
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Hi,
My husband and I are very happily married. One thing that's surprised me though is our different libidos. When we first started having sex, we were about evenly matched for the first year- we basically did it whenever we were able.
Now though, I (the wife) am finding that my drive is much higher than my husband's. I want to do it about once per day, while my husband wants to do it once every 1-2 weeks. I've heard that most couples are reversed, with the guy usually having the higher drive.
There are many days when I feel frustrated and undesirable. But when I ask my husband to have sex more than once a week but he gets really tired and I feel guilty afterwards. What can I do to reduce my frustration? (link)
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A good place to start, is to try and determine the cause of his lack of libido. It could be any number of things, including depression, anxiety, hormonal imbalance or other health issues. The good news is that you have had a previous history of being well matched in the sex department, so there is a liklihood of recovering your former compatibility, once the causes are determined and addressed. Start, perhaps, with him having a visit to his doctor to rule out physical problems.
You mentioned that "he gets really tired". Could he be overworked, and simply in need of more rest and relaxation? What's going on?
You, on the other hand, appear to have a pretty high sex drive, unlike many others who would enjoy having sex much less frequently than every single day. I think that most guys, especially the ones who hold a full time job, might find this overwhelmingly too much for them , in the first place. So, another possibility is that there is really nothing wrong with him, other than being tired . One every couple of weeks is indeed pretty darn sparse, admittedly, even for couples where the partner doesn't want sex every day.
The solution might be as simple as exploring ways for him to reduce his fatigue. If its work related, it might be worthwhile to explore how he can reduce his work load, change jobs, or even his career. You didn't mention whether you are working or not, but if not, perhaps joining the workforce yourself might help even things out and reduce the pressure on him to continue working as hard as he has been doing, if this is the case.
You asked what you can do to reduce your frustration in the meantime: I'm sure you know how to pleasure and satisfy yourself in lieu of having a partner all the time.
Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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I am a 19 years old girl studying Computer Science at an average university in a small country. Education has always been a priority for me. I really want to become a great professional and I am happy and ready to do a lot for that. I know that I should work hard, do my university homework properly, do more than just the homework, do internships, be active, volunteer, and so on. I know that it is also about the little things. it's about how I spend my day, about whether I have enough will-power to solve that one problem, read that one page, learn those 10 new English words every day before I go to sleep. Those little things will add up in the end, they will become big after a year and that's how I will be different from an average professional. Recently I have been considering transferring to another university abroad because I constantly think my current university is not going to make me the specialist I aspire to be. But sometimes I think that it is more about me than the university, that I should do self-learning, that it's only 4 years of study and I will learn the majority of my skills while working after graduation. I am in such an uncertain situation, I am afraid that if I stay I will regret in the future, and If I try transferring I have a fear of not being admitted, wasting time and money on applications, TOEFl etc., and if I do get admitted I am afraid it will be worse or maybe not worth the finances and effort. Could I have some advise on what I should do in general to become an excellent computer scientist? The transfer thing is very complicated and depends on many factors, but could you tell me what kind of environment, what level of hard work and difficulty do I need? I constantly feel that there are some things I should be doing that I am not aware of, that I am missing on something... (link)
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From your description, I sense that you are already the winner you aim to be. Is your present school accredited? Are you getting the education you want and need? That's all you need to ask yourself and I think you are over-worrying about everything.
You already have doubts about your current school, and I think it would be a wise move to check in with an academic advisor to get feedback on whether your current program is adequate enough for your aspirations. If you are a current student, generally , you can get expert guidance without charge,about interest and aptitude testing, career paths, salaries, competition, etc.
In some fields, its primarily that you have a degree, not where you got it. But in your chosen area, perhaps the training involved will make the difference and you could compare the curriculum at your proposed new school with that of the one you are currently attending.
Fears that you will not be admitted are always present, but...nothing risked, nothing gained.
What you have to lose by applying would be time and money, of course. What do you have to lose by NOT applying?
My gut feeling is that you'll do just fine in the work world, either way. Its ability that counts, perhaps more than where you got your degree.
You posted this question some time ago, so it might be interesting to take a look at what progress you have made in resolving this question since then.
Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr.Stephanie
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Hello there,
Sorry to bother again, i just thought to write personally to you as some gaps were missing.
My family's reason for rejecting him is that he's not from our culture as the life and the future with him will be difficult and unbearable, which i don't agree, i should marry someone from my people ( there's no way this could end well).
I don't have a drinking problem, as that night turn out that we were already drinking but i over did it let's say that i lost it.
As for my stability i was doing fine till i resigned i don't have financial problem, the reason that i resigned was that they terminate him from work so out of respect to him and not making him any worse than he already felt the rejection i left.
he is a successful Head Chef, he already got the job of that trial that he was doing, yes we live together but i do my part as well.
Later on we talked and he said he was sorry and it was a bad thing to do from his side, and that we should focus on us and not at the past as he doesn't see any good in that..
I think the problem is in me in the end, i didn;t have the best childhood, with the family abuse ( aggressive father that use to hit my mother and the fact that i have 3 younger brothers that i was trying to protect them meanwhile, plus the rape that happened to me when i was 9 years old.
Maybe i need a psychologist and that's all my answer, because whatever problems we're having my only solution is to leave or threatening him to leave.
(link)
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Hello, again, its not a bother, glad to try and to help you.
Yes, if you have had so many bad things happen to you, when growing up, I would highly recommend counseling . There are undoubtably effects remaining from all the traumas you have experienced.
I'd also recommend couples' counselng, since you two need better communication and problem solving skills. Talking it out is better than threatening to leave or leaving.
While your relationship is in such turmoil, I'd also be particularly careful not to get pregnant.
You may not have an on going "drinking problem", but you did on that occasion. The best definition of alcoholism I ever heard, is "any time it causes a problem".
Marrying someone from a different culture or background can be challenging and cause problems, so your family may be right about these concerns.
But your family also has problems, and you must protect yourself, even now, from any current or future abuse from them.
I would encourage you , finally, to start with counseling, both for you, individually, and for you and your boyfriend together, as a couple. It will give you much needed clarity, support and guidance.
Most communities offer counseling services on a sliding fee scale, and if you have health insurance, it may also cover the costs. Be sure to pick someone with whom you feel comfortable, preferably, of the same gender as the parent you felt closest to, and that they are fully licensed.
Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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Hello..
I’m 32 year old Artist, divorced after 2 years of marriage at the age of 24, and after that failed relationship..
Currently in Dubai working in family business and in a relationship for almost 10 months now..
After my family found out about him they disapproved and terminate him from work ( we use to work together) so I resigned, and 1 month we’re unemployed staying at home most of the time, but we started to fight more and it’s too much already, I don’t know why I’m writing this but i want him to stay because he’s amazing in many ways.. something real!!
I’m a past digger and found in his old usb driver photos of his ex naked photos that he use to take of her, screenshots of the messages ( the same way that he flirts with me) that thing made me see I’m not in anything near special to him, and i was devastated and broken I don’t know why,, he came home I didn’t tell him anything but at the same time i wanted..
He felt that I wasn’t ok he asked many times but I didn’t say anything, i started to drink 1 bottle of wine,, ( for me that’s too much ) as I don’t drink that much i started to cry and eventually i told him of course while crying that I don’t feel any special than the others, he said it’s not like that bla bla..and “if you want to be special you have to do something special..” which was the last drop.. i was in the ground hoping something will change some words some action, but he didn’t do anything like nothing, trying to calm me or stop me from drinking or some sweet words.. and later he went to sleep saying that I’m not supportive as he had to do some food trial tomorrow, and he slept , woke up this morning at 6 and left at 7 am.
Sometimes i feel like asking much but I’m not im not materialistic always by his side i took my family against me for him( which they still insisting for me to go back) but I can’t do it, i respect him that will only break him, everyone is saying i should think about me first.. but I didn’t deserve all that he said all that he did those words are still in my throat I can’t swallow them..
Maybe I wasn’t special after all.. maybe this is not meant to be ( which i still believe it is..) i feel lost and sad , I can’t do anything.. maybe staying away a bit will tell him something , something to think .. but I don’t know.. (link)
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You are having a tough time in this relationship, both with your boyfriend and with your family as well. This isn't a good forecast for the future.
Your family disapproves, but you didn't say why. If the entire family is against him, perhaps they have good reasons?
Your own track record leaves something to be desired. You married wrong, perhaps too early, and got divorced. Okay, many people do. But then, you said something about another failed relationship.
So ,this too, happens to many people. But what has been going on with you? Not just the other person.
You have used alcohol to help you feel better, and this isn't good. Do not let drinking become a greater problem than you already have.
Your boyfriend seems to blame you, and hasn't taken responsibility for anything on his part. Also not a good thing.
You say you are an "artist"? How are you earning a living? Or, are you being supported by your boyfriend? He was fired, so is he working at all?
Apparently, there isn't financial stability, for whatever reasons. At the age of 32, you should be financially self reliant. And, you should also be more mature about the choices you make in relationships.
All in all, I kept reading about problems in the relationship, but nothing about how to solve them, or the possible good things.
Communication is the key to good problem solving, and as far as I can tell, you two don't have it.
It can be learned, perhaps if the two of you were to spend some time with a marriage counselor, it could help you either iron out your difficulties, or help you determine what roads to take next.
From what you described here, however, I'm sorry to say that I don't see a good future for the two of you. And even if you stay together, you will have to deal with your family's rejection of your boyfriend, and perhaps you will have to choose between them, also not a good thing.
I wish you well, and good luck, ~Dr. Stephanie
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I’m a 22 year old adult. My mom is now 50.
When I was a toddler, my father cheated on my mom & thus they had an extremely toxic, domestic abusive type of relationship. As a result, my mom used me to let out her anger & frustration. Her way of discipline was screaming, threatening, locking me in the bedroom, & often times hitting me. She would always call me a lazy, spoiled, undisciplined child. The rest of the time however, she was very nurturing & loving. On occasion, my parents would showering me with material items. Since I’m an only child, people have always assumed I was privileged.
Today, however, my mother still abuses me. I am very fully aware that she, on the other hand, has helped me in countless ways. Considering I am severely anxiety crippled and I am yet unable to find my purpose in life. I can’t drive, don’t work or don’t go to school. She aids me in that, to which I’ll forever be thankful. But I struggle to see how that could possibly excuse her abuse.
My mom would call me names in the heat of the moment, but worst of all she would call me manipulative when I would simply try to explain myself. To the point where I begin to doubt my own intentions. She drilled it into my head so much that I now labeled myself as no longer a human, but a manipulative monster.
Later when she’s not angry, she would say things like “I was just angry, we all say things when we’re angry," “You’ve said way worse to me,” “You’ll understand when you have kids,”.
She’ll sometimes opt for humiliation as to embarrass me in front of other family members. She would call them up immediately in the heat of the moment & angrily tell them what I had said/done. The way I cope with my emotions is very unhealthy as I constantly fall back on self harm to get me through it.
Mind you, I’m not dropping grenades in the middle of the street or shooting up heroin. The topic that gets her riled up the most is the fact that I’m not going to college. She’ll get extremely hostile talking about it, maybe due to her seeing other kids my age on social media going after their dreams while I wasn’t. Or possibly due to empty promises of attending college.
(My reasoning is complicated, but most has to due to my lack of confidence to even pass one single class. But that’s besides the point)
Something I’m grateful to have realized during my 22 years of living is that no matter if I was going to Harvard or Yale, or on the brink of achieving a masters degree of some sort, my mother will remain abusive until she decides to change. To which unfortunately I doubt she will.
As they say, you can’t train an old dog new tricks.
This was less of a cry for advice and more of a rant, but I’d be very grateful to hear another persons perspective on this matter. I would appreciate some advice either way. Thank you. (link)
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Let me say, your history was a sad and abused one, and I'm so sorry. Nothing can change that.However, you are now old enough to become the captain of your own ship and the creator of your own future.
There are, now, some top priorities for you to attend to, including the following:
Independence: and that means both economic and emotional freedom . Both are critically important for your well being and future happiness.
You are currently trapped, by not earning any money, not driving, no education or training. So ! Of these, in what order should you tackle these daunting needs?
What's your priority? Moving away? Education/training? Driving? In the order that you feel is best, you can do all three!
For now, public transportation will be a godsend for you. Get a bus schedule. You also will need money, and you can start by getting any possible job, as soon as possible. You won't be earning much, to start, but anything you do earn should be socked away, where only you can get at it: a bank account in your name only !
Education/training: find the nearest and cheapest source. They can include skills training schools, your closest junior college,or, another possibility, join the military. If you can be assured of not going into combat, you can receive training, money, and room and board, all at once. Further, you can get a grant to go to college on their tab, after you've finished. You can also get an entire college education on line, without ever attending a campus, as long as you make sure the school is accredited and legitimate. Cheaper to do so, often.
If I were you, my topmost priority would be to get out and on your own, away from your toxic and mentally ill, abusive mother. You can reduce the expenses by sharing with a room mate, renting a room in someone's home, exchanging services for housing or even room and board. For example, you could become a live in care taker of children or property. You could become an apartment manager in exchange for free or reduced rent. Many roads to Rome! But getting out would be the healthiest and best thing for you.
And finally, if you can find a low fee resource for counseling, I would highly,highly recommend it for the support and confidence building, reduction of anxiety, and more. Every community does have its resources for same.
There you have it ! Take one step at a time, you have much to conquor, but it can be done.
Most of all, protect yourself from your toxic mother. Your own well being and emotional health must always be your highest, topmost priority, now, and forever !
Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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Hello~ This is gonna be long I’m so sorry.
So I’ve (28/f) been best friends with a wonderful human being (27/f) for around 4 years now. She’s supportive, encouraging, calls me out when I need it, and would give me the shirt off of her back no questions asked.
I moved back up to my family after a medical crisis with my dad and now finally feel comfortable moving back to the area where she lives. We’ve even had a solid plan for over a year and to move in together and this would be her first time living out of her aunt and uncles house.
The issue is she spends money, and when I say she spends money I mean she could easily have multiple packages showing up to her house daily no problem. When we agreed to move in together I didn’t assume this would stop and it was far from me to tell her how to spend her money, although I did hope it would slow down a little bit considering I emphasized the importance of having money saved up and how helpful it would be. We are now on less than 5 months away from “the big move” and she has yet to even begin to slow down on making her unnecessary purchases. I’ve gently commented on it a few times in the past year but was hit with a sob story about how she feels like she NEEDS to buy things.
Finally, last week, after another message about all of the things she just bought I laid it out on the table. I asked her if she was mentally ready to move out and into her own place yet. She hedged a bit until finally admitting she was nervous about how much things would cost and I don’t know if she was digging for me to offer to pay more of the rent but didn’t sound too happy about the fact she’d have to give up her spending habits.
I took this as a sign to start forming a Plan B, I already know that without me giving her a number for rent and bills that won’t tug at her paycheck that the move isn’t going to happen. My question is (long winded I know) how do I tell her that my focus has shifted? That I would honestly rather move to a new city and start over than move back closer to her? That her lack of restraint and discipline make me question how much farther our friendship will carry us if I’m ready to start making a way for myself and she’s content with sitting in a room with her things? Moving in together aside it’s disheartening because I’ve always tried to keep my nose out of her wallet, but this one major thing we were supposed to be in together and she has decided it’s not worth giving up her stuff. So how do I handle this without hurting her feelings and is it time to start breaking away?
Thanks,
-B (link)
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Honey, its funny, but money issues are one of the most common areas of disagreement among couples, and certainly, for room mates, as well. If you do move together, it should only be on the condition that you split all expenses fifty fifty, regardless of whatever else either of you choose to do with your left over bucks.
You are not in the business of supporting her, or her spending habits.
Can she afford it? Will she be willing to meet her end of the financial responsibilities ? Or, will she blow her cash and be unable to meet her half of the rent , pay for her half of anything else, such as utilities, groceries, etc.?
If you prefer to move elsewhere anyhow, and are willing to take the dubious chance on rooming with her, invite her to come along.
But NOT rooming together may well turn out to be the only way you can keep the friendship, which otherwise may end over finances, if you room together.
You may not need or want to break away, but I think your best chance of keeping your friendship at all would be to not move in together. Good luck!
~Dr. Stephanie
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my brother asked me to babysit this friday, I said want $10hr...for 5 hours....$50 for the day...he said im charging too much, I said u pay the daycare that....and maybe even more....the kid has to eat too....I gotta feed my niece also...well now he thinks im charging too much and said nevermind a bout keeping my niece...and now he is mad at me. am I charging him too much or are my prices just fine? (link)
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If he were to seek professional , licensed day care, you are probably right that it might cost him about this, or even more, sadly enough. However, you are not in that category. You didn't give your age, which may also make a difference in the level of care you can provide. He doesn't need to get angry with you, however, all he needs to do is go elsewhere. I do agree with him that , for your personal babysitting, including feeding, that you are charging way too much. YOu didn't give your niece's age, either, which might make a difference in how you feed her. Cut your fee in half, and then some. If this is too low for you, you can always turn him down. If you want, you can check out what the going rates are in your community, with others your age, assuming you are not yet an adult. If you are, you might also consider asking him to give you a sum to cover her food, if its a lot, and do it without any fee at all, as a personal favor. He is your family, after all. And you aren't being asked to do this on an on-going basis, but for one small day. Be bigger about it and do it graciously, and forget about the money. It will come back to you in other ways, indeed. ~Dr. Stephanie
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I hear people throwing that word around a lot and I wanted to know if it's an actual thing or if it's just something that people say when they don't want to confront something?
My dad has Parkinson's disease.... he first developed symptoms about 12 years ago. My mom and I were getting worried about him because his memory was starting to disintegrate. He would frequently forget stuff we just told him and he even got fired from his job because he could no longer keep track of paperwork. We tried to get him to drive less frequently and seek a specialist. Every time we brought up the subject, he would tell us that we were "gaslighting" him. That we were trying to convince him that something was wrong with his brain so that we could control him and destroy his dignity. It took a very long time for him to get help, and by then his condition had advanced.
I hear that term being used so frequently these days and I'm not sure what to think. Is that truly a legitimate thing to complain about? My mom and I were called "gaslighters" for years but we were just trying to keep my dad healthy and alive.
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I'm sorry that you have had to deal with this for such a long time, and for your poor father, as well. It sounds like he has had a huge amount of denial, (defense mechanism) and even a touch of paranoia thrown in. Look up the definition of "gaslighting" on line, and check out the old movie "Gaslight"from 1940, in which a woman's husband tries to drive her insane. Try not to take his accusations personally, its part of his illness(es). There are support groups available for families of parkinsons patients, perhaps it would be helpful for you and your mother to seek one out in your community. Good wishes,
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my coworker just bluntly hit on me in a company email.....and gave me his phone number and asked me to call or text him when i have a minute.....he has a son, i dont have kids.....he's not with the mom so he says....and he just recently overcame stomach cancer..
now that's bold as hell to do that and let the company know u are fraternizing on the job
anyway should i?
thanks
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Your co-worker is , as you said, "bold as..."! He is out of line to hit on a co-worker, though many still do. He isn't smart about it, put it in writing on company email, where others, including his boss, can get ahold of it.
I would not report him, he's already doing himself in without your help.
You can ,however, inform him that work and play don't mix well, if that's how you feel. I would not, were I you, get involved with him, as he is surely about to be discovered and may even get canned, along with anyone who is participating in his plan.
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Which is the great service mover and packer company? (link)
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I love the answer you have already received, which pretty much covers the waterfront ! I would only add that you should go with professional, licensed movers, and not try to save bucks by using some well deserving, well meaning locals, who can bungle the job easily.
It once happened that we did just that. Driving up the freeway in Los Angeles, they were ahead of us, with our mattress tied to the top of their vehicle. We watched in horror, as the ropes loosened, and our brand new mattress flew off the roof , landed smack in the lane of traffic, and as we drove by, we saw it crushed to smithereens by on coming cars !
Go with professionals. Goodl luck !
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How to get a Victoria Secret Angel body (link)
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Hi There. There are some things you can do, to maximize your health and good looks, such as diet and exercise, both very valuable and good to do , if done properly, regularly, with dedication. The benefits are greater than how you look.
Other than this, plastic surgery is an option for some, depending upon your health, finances, and potential need. But its expensive, risky, and a drastic step to take.
For the most part, you are what you are, given your body shape. And unless you have some grave deformity, you will be like the vast majority, who are in most ways, average, by definition.
There's nothing wrong with it, if you are healthy and not dealing with some drastic issue !
Think, instead, about being the best you can be with what you are already given ! Your attractive appearance can be enhanced by hairstyle, clothing choices, taking care of your body with cleanliness and a variety of measures such as cosmetics, (assuming you're a girl?), and even how you carry yourself.
In sum, its really how you feel inside, about yourself, and presenting your best "outside" to the world, your personality and character, much , much more than having your idealized body shape.
I assume you are very young, by your question. Be so glad that you have the power to be the best you can already be ! Good wishes, ~ Dr. Stephanie
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This past weekend, I noticed that my high school age daughter seemed to be scratching her head quite a bit. I asked her what the problem was and she calmly relayed to me that she had head lice. I was shocked and alarmed, of course, and couldn't understand how she could be so casual about this. I asked her why she hadn't said anything. Her answer? She had deliberately contracted them.
A few weeks back, it seems, a friend had confided in my daughter that she had head lice. My daughter expressed that she was curious to know what having lice is like and so the friend agreed to infect her. They then sat on the friend's bed, back to back with their heads resting against each other, while they listened to music.
Naturally, I put an end to this and helped her with disinfecting her hair, clothes, and bed linens. I'm still not sure we got them all. I'm knocking on wood, hoping we did.
My daughter has no history of self-harm, so I don't think that was her intention. She says it was just out of curiosity. I know kids will do crazy things sometimes, but I don't know what to make of this. Obviously I'm concerned that there could be some deeper issue here. Could this really be nothing more than a dumb teenage decision? (link)
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Well...you are concerned about potentially deeper issues? If this were a true story, so would I be concerned. IS IT? Either your daughter is incredibly naive and immature, (you didn't give her age), or you have concocted a fictitious tale , for some unfathomable reason? I tend to vote for the latter, as I couldn't believe anyone, including a misinformed, inexperienced kid, could possibly be that dumb. Forgive me, please, I don't intend to be rude, but I, for one, just can't buy it. If I am correct, then you might wish to explore some of your own personal issues, as to why you would post such a thing. If I'm wrong, I apologize, and hope that others will provide you with some meaningful guidance .~Dr. Stephanie
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Yes this is gross . I got a part of of a kernel popcorn stuck in my teeth. I was eating then I realized that the brown part of the corn kept getting tuck in my teeth so I stopped eating and brush my teeth.
I then flossed and saw all the food remains but I still felt discomfort in my mouth. I began flossing before and after brushing my teeth but no improvements. With my tongue I could feel something but when I looked I didn't see anything. At first I thought I had damaged my gum and it will heal . Then last night I began to investigate further and eventually I got the stuff out. Now I am very concern . I have a minute hole in my gum and I have been brushing and salt water rinses to avoid sugars etc from staying there. I'm not sure why else to do . I really don't want bad teeth . (link)
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How about a visit to your dentist? ! Good luck, ~ Dr. Stephanie
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I've had several really cool, deep experiences in meditation, yet I find I don't do it very often and can't force myself to do it under any circumstances. I want meditation to be a bigger part of my life, but there's this real part of my brain that feels...pained by it? Even when I think about it, something in my mind is like "NO." Does anyone know what this is or could be? Is it a sign that I shouldn't meditate, or is it something that can be overcome? (link)
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Meditation can be a healthy thing to do. Many people have had experiences similar to yours, including me. Years ago, I undertook transcendental meditation (all the rage, then, because of the Beetles!) I,too, couldn't sit still, had distracting, intrusive thoughts, etc. Its all part of the experience, especially for new people.
WHEn I met with a trainer, everything was FINE ! Go figure! If you wish to pursue this, it might be wise to try and to do the same thing.
Otherwise, there are many roads to Rome, and you could always switch to trying something else.
Time with my cat works....!
Good wishes, ~ Dr. Stephanie
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It sounds like a weird question, but I will be sitting in class sometime in the day, and i can just feel guys staring at me, and it makes me very uncomfortable, and i want them to stop. it feels weird asking them to, because when i do they just deny it, its very annoying. (link)
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Its not possible to control where OTHER people direct their gazes. You've already found out that speaking to them has had no effect.
You could try complaining to the teacher, and mention that some of the other students aren't paying attention , as they should. You could try to change classes, endure, knowing that this will soon end when the class is finished, or "blend in", by how you appear, dress, wear your hair, etc. But I really don't think you should have to do the last thing, unless you are very, outstandingly weird in your appearance.
This ,too, shall pass, sooner or later, as all things must do.
You may, in fact, remember this later on, as a time when you were so "attractive" that guys stared at you in admiration! When you are an old lady, you might even miss it!
Good wishes, ~ Dr. Stephanie
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Is it ok for my boyfriend of 4 years to call me a fucken bitch I know it’s not all right but what should I do. (link)
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I would NEVER have a relationship with anyone who:
1) Called me such a name!
2) Used such language in the first place.
If this is the kind of person he is, what does it say about you, that you would be with him for over four years?
You asked what you should do? Buy him a thesaurus and kick him to the curb! ~ Dr. Stephanie
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Hi. I'm a 16 y/o girl. I guess you could say I'm generally a pretty good kid. I've never been in any major trouble. So, I've never been grounded. Most of my friends, on the other hand, have been grounded at least once in their lives. I'm actually curious as to what it's like. Like, to the degree that I find myself daydreaming about what I could do to get myself grounded so I can finally find out. Am I weird for doing this? I'm sure my friends would think I'm psycho. What do you think? (link)
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Yes, I agree, it is indeed "weird" ! All you need to do, if you want to experience it, is to impose grounding on yourself. But...would you want to experience other rather unhappy things, such as...getting into an auto accident? , becoming injured or hospitalized? Having your friends abandon you? Or, any other number of unpleasant things, just to find out what it feels like?
What you could do, however, is get into acting! There, without actually harming yourself, you could indeed come very close to experiencing what all kinds of different situations might feel like. Check it out! ~Good wishes, Dr.Stephanie
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I wrote the cops a long (8 page) thank you letter after they stopped me from suicide.
I’m embarrassed to send it because it’s long, quirky, and informal.
It’s a huge deal to me to be treated well by the cops. The police department has helped my family many times also. I want them to know how grateful I am. I want their superiors to know what a great job they did.
I can’t decide what I should take out, or if I should just send it and have them be glad it’s a thank you letter, not a lawsuit like they usually get. (link)
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Keep your eight page letter. Use it as a reference, even a keepsake, for later on. But don't send it, its way too long and probably way to personal. Instead, pick out a lovely thank you card, write a brief message inside of appreciation and thanks, and send this instead. I'm sure they'll be happy to receive it. Very thoughtful of you. Good wishes,~ Dr. Stephanie
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Hello. This question is about my sister-in-law (we are both in our late 20s). I think she has a problem because she likes to sleep with married men and then have kids with them. She told me that she does this because "all the good ones are taken", and she's hoping that if she has kids with them, they will leave their wives. She already had two kids by two different married men, and they did not leave their wife, so she is stuck being a single mom. I am constantly called upon to help her take care of her kids (I'm married to her brother and she doesn't have any sisters, so her family just expects me to help). But being a married woman myself, I don't agree with her lifestyle and it really bothers me. And I definitely don't feel like I should help take care of her kids. That is her responsibility, and I thought she knew this before getting involved with them. Recently we just found out that she is pregnant again with the third married man. Once again, he doesn't want anything to do with the child, and the family has asked me to help out. They said that I should feel "sorry for her" because "it's hard raising kids as a single mother." How can I tell her that I think this is actually her fault and that she should take responsibility for her actions? I don't want to help her because what she did was wrong in the first place, and she needs to stop doing this. She should see that this is destroying her life. I don't want to seem heartless, but I just feel like if I bail her out again she won't learn from her mistakes. How can I tell her that I won't be there this time, and that she should change her ways? (link)
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You asked how you could tell her "no"? Its simple: just say it, say "No, not this time." Your family's attitude toward her may have contributed to her problem behaviors. You do not need to play along, its really doing her no favors in the long run, in any case, and I firmly believe in putting your own welfare and well being ahead of anything else.
Whatever else you choose to say to her will probably fall on deaf ears, and only further engage you in an argument.
I'm more concerned about her children than her, at this point. Keep an eye out ! This could end up with child protective services. Good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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I’m 26 years old, my boyfriend is 28. We have been together for 2 years, recently we decided to make the big step of moving in together, he told me that his sister would move in too,she’s 17 about to be 18. At first I was fine with It bc in the other house they lived in before she was always in her room or she’d be with her dad who lives with his girlfriend. I also didn’t take the time to really think It through, i was just ready to get out of my toxic stepdads house. I’ve always known that my boyfriend and his sister are close, but I didn’t realize HOW close until I started living with them. I have noticed that they go into the bathroom with each other when one another showers or pees/poops. Private parts are covered when they do this, but still.. I find It odd. She cuddles with him on the couch and lays on his lap, anytime she hears his voice she comes out of her room and is always RIGHT there next to him. The only time my boyfriend and I get any privacy is when we’re back in our room and even then there’s only a thin wall separating us from his sister, so she can hear EVERYTHING. Even when my boyfriend takes me on dates he orders her something to go because he feels bad about leaving her at home. Don’t get me wrong, I love a man who is close with his family but they’re TOO close and it’s beginning to cause a lot of problems in our relationship. Another issue is he makes me pay half the rent, but she gets to live there for free. My boyfriends dad pays our electricity and water (he has a key and comes and goes sometimes) and my boyfriend considers that as her contribution to the house. She doesn’t work, anytime I bring up her getting a job It always starts an argument because she is still in highschool, but she’s out by 2pm, so she has time to get a part time job, so she can contribute to the house as well. She also doesn’t plan on working once she graduates, her dad told her as long as she studies she doesn’t need a job. I have been struggling with making money too through the pandemic, but to my boyfriend that doesn’t matter. I have to meet my half of the rent by the end of the month, which I have. I find ways to make money, but when I bring up her doing something too and us splitting the rent in thirds, it’s a huge argument. I told my boyfriend that if she can’t contribute or isn’t willing to work, she should live with her dad (they have a room for her at her dads)He shut me down immediately and we got in an argument about how he thinks I’m jealous of his sister, which isn’t the case at all. I just think if family is gonna be with us the finances should be split evenly. I have asked my boyfriend what his future plans are and if we’ll ever have a place of our own, he says in 10 years once this house is paid off we’ll get a home just the 2 of us.. in 10 years I will be 36, almost 40 years old. I don’t know if I can deal with this until then. He talks about marriage and kids with me one day, but I don’t wanna have kids with him until we are living by ourselves. Before I moved in I thought It would be a sense of independence and that our relationship would grow stronger, but it’s not. I feel trapped and like I’m losing my relationship because we can’t have any intimacy together in our home with his sister ALWAYS there between us. I can’t go back to my moms and I can’t afford a place on my own at the moment, so I’m stuck. I don’t know how else to go about this situation. Am I being unreasonable for wanting her to work and help out more? I wanna get how I feel across without my feelings being invalidated. I feel like the dad has put his kid on us and I don’t like that at all. HELP!! (link)
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This will be your home, as much as your boyfriend's home. If you are uncomfortable in any way having his sister with you, stand your ground. She has other options. Your only other option would be not to move in with him. Good luck, I'm on your side! I wouldn't want her there, either.
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