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humorist-workshop
Regarding my previous question...
Hello there,
Sorry to bother again, i just thought to write personally to you as some gaps were missing.
My family's reason for rejecting him is that he's not from our culture as the life and the future with him will be difficult and unbearable, which i don't agree, i should marry someone from my people ( there's no way this could end well).
I don't have a drinking problem, as that night turn out that we were already drinking but i over did it let's say that i lost it.
As for my stability i was doing fine till i resigned i don't have financial problem, the reason that i resigned was that they terminate him from work so out of respect to him and not making him any worse than he already felt the rejection i left.
he is a successful Head Chef, he already got the job of that trial that he was doing, yes we live together but i do my part as well.
Later on we talked and he said he was sorry and it was a bad thing to do from his side, and that we should focus on us and not at the past as he doesn't see any good in that..
I think the problem is in me in the end, i didn;t have the best childhood, with the family abuse ( aggressive father that use to hit my mother and the fact that i have 3 younger brothers that i was trying to protect them meanwhile, plus the rape that happened to me when i was 9 years old.
Maybe i need a psychologist and that's all my answer, because whatever problems we're having my only solution is to leave or threatening him to leave.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hello, again, its not a bother, glad to try and to help you.
Yes, if you have had so many bad things happen to you, when growing up, I would highly recommend counseling . There are undoubtably effects remaining from all the traumas you have experienced.
I'd also recommend couples' counselng, since you two need better communication and problem solving skills. Talking it out is better than threatening to leave or leaving.
While your relationship is in such turmoil, I'd also be particularly careful not to get pregnant.
You may not have an on going "drinking problem", but you did on that occasion. The best definition of alcoholism I ever heard, is "any time it causes a problem".
Marrying someone from a different culture or background can be challenging and cause problems, so your family may be right about these concerns.
But your family also has problems, and you must protect yourself, even now, from any current or future abuse from them.
I would encourage you , finally, to start with counseling, both for you, individually, and for you and your boyfriend together, as a couple. It will give you much needed clarity, support and guidance.
Most communities offer counseling services on a sliding fee scale, and if you have health insurance, it may also cover the costs. Be sure to pick someone with whom you feel comfortable, preferably, of the same gender as the parent you felt closest to, and that they are fully licensed.
Good luck and good wishes, ~Dr. Stephanie
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