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college student

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21

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April 10, 2005

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June 18, 2010

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about

HEYYY :D i'm in college and i'm a psychology major. i've had many experiences with boyfriends, crushes, friends and family. i know quite alot about sex and sex related issues, so feel free to ask me anything about that! i will be completely honest because i would want the same in return.

if you drop one in my inbox, please try to be as detailed as possible (like your age & gender) so i can be as helpful as possible :D

advice

When ever I get into trouble, "talked to", or some embarrassing happens like a guy turning my down- I replay that bad moment in my head for days. I get really upset when I can't get the memory out of my head and then I feel very vulnerable for the next few days. I don't know why, most of the time the moment wasn't that big of a deal in the first place.

How do I just calm down and move my mind away from replaying bad memories constantly on repeat? :(

I know exactly what you're talking about.
The way I fix it, is I make the bad incident really, really small and stupid. I think to myself "That's so stupid. I'm not going to worry about that." I focus on all the great things in my life, like my family and friends. I ask myself "In a year, will this really bother me or affect me life? Will I even remember it?" The answer is always no! And about guys, guys are so insignificant if you think about it, because there's so many of them out there. One may turn you down, while 50 million can't wait for you to talk to them. Take a deep breath and think about the good things in your life, and tell yourself you are a strong, determined lady who won't let small matters take over your mind or life. :)

so i know this has happened before, but it's a lot more complicated than i thought it'd be. he's 100% catholic, i'm 100% atheist. we've had the long arguments before about who's right, etc. i mean, i know religion doesn't come in every day life for us, but still sometimes it bothers me when it does. so, how could i overlook this?

Relgion is tough, and very controversial. I, myself, am not big on religion but my ex was extremely relgious. Since we both agreed to disagree, the relationship for the most part, was great. We actually did break up partly because of his religion. The only way to overlook it, is to not let it consume your relationship. Don't bring it up and when he does, simply let him know that this isn't a good subject since you two disagree. You two should focus on what you DO have in common and what you two love about eachother. You can have a future together and still have different beliefs. It takes alot of hard work and compromise. If you really like him (or love him) than remember that he's entitled to his beliefs the same way you are. Let it go and enjoy eachothers company. It's only a big deal if you make it one.

Ok. I thought this was a funny question. I saw it and i thought I might as well find the answer out for curiousity's sake... in like 10 years it could come useful lol
What do guys like a girl to do when they are being eaten out or having sex?
Like do they like it when a girl makes noises, or eye contact, or plays with their hair or what? Also, im wondering what MOST girls like guys to do (but im straight). Just curious. I rate high for GOOD answers
Madison
Age 18

Being eaten out is just an awkward situation. I never enjoyed it personally, but that's just me. When it happens, you just go with the flow. I wouldn't play with the guy's hair though lol.

And during sex, guys LOVE feedback. They love the moaning and making noises. They hate it when a girl just lies there silent. Get into it and really show him he's doing a good job (hopefully he is!) It boosts guys self esteem and it's also sexy.

My younger sister (22) and I (24) have always been pretty different and disagreed on many things. She is an extremely devote catholic (she intends on becoming a nun) and I’m really, just not. For the past few years we always just agreed to disagree and to not talk too much about things we know will only upset us both and disrupt family gatherings. This really works as far as I’m concerned: I don’t need to argue with her and I’m okay with disagreeing with her.

The trouble is lately she’s gotten downright belligerent about it. She sent out an e-mail to a whole bunch of people that included a lot of ‘facts’ about intelligent design and young earth (basically, she said evolution was nonsense and that the world is only 6,000 years old ‘cause the bible says so). I sent her (just her, not her whole list) some links that dispute that and point out some of the problems with the evidence she said she had of the world only being that old. Some of the stuff she included was just untrue, and I thought she should know it. In the past she’s always been pretty reasonable and we could have these sorts of conversations, even though we both know we disagree!

In response, she e-mailed everyone in my family telling them that I am going to hell, that I’ve rejected God, and that they should force me to move in with other more faithful family members because I can’t take care of myself and that I might do drugs or other awful things if someone doesn't stop me... and I could kill her! Not only is that bullshit! That was really painful for my parents, and grandparents and aunts and uncles to read! Some of them are religious and some aren’t, but it was still frightening and hateful and upset them! My littlest sister was in tears about it and asking everyone why she hates me.

I’m really livid! I don’t even know what to do with this much anger. I haven’t responded to her, although apparently my mom had a talk with her and told her that that was not cool, but I’m kind of at the point where I never want to speak to her ever again! I just think she’s a nasty, stupid, little monster for doing that.

Does anyone have any advice on what I can do about this and how to approach it? I just want things to be okay for my family. I don’t need us to all agree, I just need a bit of respect. Obviously I’m never going to try and talk sense to my sister again, but what do I do now?

Relgion is always a controversial issue and has been known the seperate the closest of families. I am glad that you standing your ground and not giving in to your sister. She has her right to her beliefs, but you also do! It was completely immature and inappropraiate for her to send an email like that to everyone in your family. Completely out of line. You were fine for responding to her with links and your own opinion.

You really need to speak with your sister though, face to face. You're both older and in your 20s, so the conversation should be mature. Let it be known that you have the right to your opinion and she has the right to hers, but not to involve family in your dispute. The argument is between the two of you, and it always has been, and to bring in the rest of the family is unfair. Your family should not have to pick sides. Say you were hurt by all the things she said (about you going to hell, etc) and didn't feel that was right. Let her know you would never talk to her that way or make her feel bad.

If you don't talk to your sister, none of this will be resolved. It's also a good idea to get some input and advice from family members of how to handle it all (without having them feel like they're in the middle) Good luck!

When the characters were driving to California, they were singing "If It Makes You Happy" while driving. But it sounded like a more rock version. I know Sheryl Crow sings the song. But who sings the version in the movie 'Crossroads' I swear its different.

Hey, maybe this website will answer your question..

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0275022/soundtrack

The song is listed near the bottom and says Sheryl Crow and some other guy performed it for the movie. Hope that helps :)

I just ended a 6 and a half month relationship with my girlfriend. I am 18 years old and a freshman is college, she is 21 years old who is not currently in school and has faternal twins the age of two. Obviously there is a good reason why i broke up with her. It has only been a week since we broke up and it is so hard. I love her and she loves me. What do i do? do i listen to society, my family and friends, the brothers of my fraternity? or my heart. do i look at my future or what. My heart is torn between choosing to date a girl i really love or what society tells me to do. She is a package deal which im not too excited for because no 18 year old freshman in college wants 2 kids. Also, she is still married to the other man but very close to getting a divorce. I really need some advice. Do i listen to my heart or society?

I would say both. You're 18 and your life is just beginning so being a 'stepfather' is too much right now! Your family has known you all your life, so they will always be honest and have your best interest at heart. Have you ever tried sitting down with them and talking seriously about all this? Your heart and head should both be put into this decision. Do you really love her? Like deep down, are you in love with her? Can you see a future with her? If you do, then I would say do for it. Life and love is about taking chances and going for what you want. I would be careful because her husband has to be out of the picture before you come in. It's not fair to you if she's still married to him. You deserve to have her committed to you and her children.

If, on the other hand, you are not ready for this commitment, that's okay too and don't feel bad about it. Being in college is going to be the best time of your life and full of oppurtunities, and girlfriend oppurtunities.

Whatever you decide, think really hard about it. Talk to everyone.. including your family, friends and this girl. Decide what YOU really want and what you're ready for. Good luck!

What does it mean if you're horny a lot but you don't really enjoy sex? For me sex isn't bad, it's just boring, not that my partner is bad at it, I just get bored, but I'm always horny and I like it better when he fingers me then when we have intercourse. So what does it mean if you are always horny and arn't a big fan of sex?

I had this same problem.... but the trick is ALOT of foreplay and different POSITIONS! Lots of different positions. Foreplay gets you going and if you spend time doing that with your partner, it really makes sex so much more enjoyable, bevause it's like a "can't wait any longer" kind of thing and there's alot of teasing. I don't know if you've tried many positions, but try some out and see what works for you. Trust me, you will loooove sex when you find the right spot and position. Good luck :)

does anyone know where i can find that relatively new calvin klein commercial for macys? its black and white and it has a guy with long hair and earrings singing something like "we are one"?

i cant find it on youtube or anything. thanks!

Hey, I did some digging... is this it? :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmcDpsX4FpQ

do guys think vaginas taste good? and is their anything girls can eat to make themselves taste better? or things to stay away from? thankss.

Guys don't necessarily think they taste "good". They mostly do it for the sake of giving the girl pleasure. But some can sure taste better than others. Guys have said they prefer going down on girls that are shaven and wash regularly. I also HEARD that if girls eat alot of fruits, that it can sort of taste fruity. (Weird, I know, but it's worth a shot!) Also, I wouldn't have anyone gone down on you shortly after your period, because it can sort of smell still.

hi..umm i'm dating this boy and he is amazing
i've been with him for 4 or 5 months and he truly is like my other half,but i've been hurt so many times i have this guard that can't be broken down
and its him that i'm hurting..i ignore him and pretend like he doesn't matter and i think i'm mean to him but yet he always seems to be so nice to me and like still loves me even though i put him threw all this shit..but my question is how can i break this wall down,and is he good for me like how do i tell him that i do love him and that he does mean the world to me too.
how can i be the girlfriend i know i once was before my x broke me?

Okay, 4 or 5 months isn't that long. I know you're talking about love here, but love is very serious and shouldn't be taken lightly. Those walls can't be broken down that quickly! You can't rush these things. Those walls are your protection and I'm sure you've had them for quite a while. It's going to take some time for you to break them down. But take things slow... one step at a time. You want to make sure you don't tear them down and then get hurt! Tell him about why you're so distant and protective of your heart. Say you don't mean to be that way but you were hurt badly. If he's a good guy (like you said) then he'll understand and be patient. He does deserve to know why you are so standoff-ish though, so explain that to him. You don't have to pour your heart out to him of course, but let him get a peak of it. You WILL be the girl and girlfriend you were before your ex... it takes alot of happy times to heal that and to have that wall crumble down. You ever hear the song "Halo" by Beyonce? That reminds me of this situation :) Everything will work out.

about the papsmear test. what kind of question will my doctor ask me...like before doing the test? for example, about sex and how many times ive had sexual intercourse? or partners? or about my period or whatnot?

They'll USUALLY ask you when your last period was.
If you get your period regularly.
If you're sexually active and if use protection.
How long you've been sexually active.
If you've ever been pregnant or had an STD.

The normal kind of questions a gyno would ask. Just make sure your completely honest so they know how to handle everything appropriately. They won't judge you and if you're worried about a parent, they don't have to come in the room with you. Good luck with everything!

We had the lights off so we could barely see eachother. He has fingered me a lot before but we have never had sex. I normally cum when he does it and i did, he kept going, a few moments later his whole hand and my thighs were covered in bright red blood. I MEAN COVERED. He got up and turned the light on and on his bed was a puddle about a foot wide. It has been a week since Ive been off my period. Is there something wrong with me since I bled SO much? Did he completely rip my hymen, Will it happen again?

Ok so you never had sex right? He probably finally broken the hymen if he went in far enough. His fingernails can also cause some tearing and he might have made some cuts. If he fingered you a little rough or fast, that can also cause some minor tears. There's nothing wrong if you have stopped bleeding by now. It's also okay if you're a little sore. Just make sure next time he's gentle. If you bleed like that again, I would see a gyno. Hope everything goes well :) be safe

Hello,

I’m the one that asked about Josh and Mark yesterday. I really appreciate your response. I had a couple of other questions though…

I feel like Josh won’t flirt with me unless he knows I’ve broken up with Mark (and even then, he might not like me). I’m pretty sure he knows Mark and I are a thing. Do you think I should break up with Mark? And how do I get someone to hook up with me, if I want to do that with Josh? I don’t know how to be wicked flirty…I mean, I am among my friends, but with Josh, it’s different…I feel so nervous around him, I haven’t been like this since I was 12! Anyway, I’d really appreciate a kind of follow-up response. Thank you so much for your care!

I’m SlushPuppy, by the way, incase that’s the only way you can contact me. Any advice you see on my column, though, was given by me when I was like 14 or 15...I haven’t been on here in a while… thanks again!

Well it really comes down to... how do you feel aobut Mark right now? Do you honestly want to stay together with him? I'm not you, but I'm getting the vibe that you don't really have strong feelings for him anymore....

Before you maky any big decision, strike up conversations with Josh. If you flirt, he'll flirt back. Guys usually don't care if you're in a relationship lol That nervous feeling is good, it means you like him. Do some flirting, like in a teasing, innocent way and see where it leads. If he doesn't seem responsive, then maybe you should let that one go. And don't be scared to be single! It's always better to be single and happy, then in a relationship and unhappy. Dig deep and see what you really want, or actually WHO you'd rather be with.

im 19 female and this will be the first time i take this test. i know what the doctor will do and it'll be a bit painful. i know what they are looking for and all that but i want to know if i should go clean shaven to the doctor? ive never had a doctor check me down their.

im also getting a physical done. what is that for and what will the doctor do?

Papsmears aren't exactly painful. I think the right word is uncomfortable. It goes all into your vagina, but doesn't hurt. About shaving, it doesn't really matter. Gynos have seen EVERYTHING.. from really extra hairy to completely bald. It all matters to what you want to do, but I usually just trim and make sure it looks presentable (lol)

Usually the physical is the gyno checks your body, your breats mostly... you might have to take a urine test and have blood pressure measured. That's about it. Hope all goes well :)

Hi, I'm 16/f and I've been going out with my boyfriend for a little over a year. I'm not considered “popular” at school or anything, but pretty much everyone in my grade knows Mark and I are going out. And we're like "the cutest couple." I'm a perfectionist (yes, I admit it :-P) and the club I'm in after school (which my boyfriend is also in) is going to Disney World in a couple of weeks. Which should be a really fun vacation for us ...he and I aren't big on PDA so that is not a concern.

But what the concern IS is that I started taking this new class this year, which my boyfriend is not in, and I met this really nice guy who is totally different from my boyfriend... he wears really expensive clothes (I wear, like, KOHL's!) and he looks I guess gangsta (hat backwards, hoodie, etc.) yet he is a really nice person. As soon as I started liking him a little, I confronted my boyfriend (who I can really trust) and he said "it's that guy with the fancy clothes, isn't it?" and I started to tear up. I don't want to like Josh (we'll call him) because I've been going out with Mark for so long, but I just wanted to be honest with my boyfriend. We decided to stay together for Disney at least because we just want to be the happiest we can be. And I truly can’t wait to go, though there are other issues such as my ex being at Disney as well, who still loves me, and my best friend (a guy) who admitted last year to having loved me for years. I'm extremely flattered as you might be able to imagine, but it's also stressful because I feel like every move I make has the potential to hurt someone. I feel like going after Josh will just be too much, since I’ve already got three guys’ feelings to worry about. I try to make sure each of them is happy. Leaving my boyfriend and going after Josh might be a lost cause, however, because Josh might not like me back and then I’ve gone and lost my boyfriend (though he might take me back, however I did that to my ex and, I don’t know, it’s just awkward. I feel bad looking back on it, having probably made him feel like the rebound.)

So my questions to you are:

What should I do about my crush on Josh? Should I leave Mark…and crush his heart (Mark called me, crying, the night of the day I told him about my crush on Josh (a couple of nights ago)…he is a very sweet boy and I still love him, but I know I can’t have feelings for two people at once without being honest…this isn’t The Bachelorette, or anything. It’s real life. But don’t worry, I wasn’t that blunt with him!)

I am scared to be single, because I have not been since I was 12 years old (mind you, Mark is only my second boyfriend…every one has been a long relationship. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle a hook-up (not the intercourse kind of hook-up, just making out), though my mind sometimes toys with the idea of doing that with Josh…)

I guess you’d call me insecure, but I just don’t know how to be without knowing there’s someone who loves me close by. At the moment, my heart skips a beat when I’m working on projects with Josh…but I don’t think he likes me back and I don’t want to cause sorrow for anyone, including me.

Thank you so much for reading all of my story, and I look forward to your honest responses. :-)

Okay, after reading that whole story a few times... I think you should do what makes YOU happy. I know you're scared of being single and scared of hurting everyone around you, but see the drift? It's all about fear. Being single is not the worst thing in the world. You see how many guys like you now? Why wouldn't MORE guys like you in the future? You're only 16, and have plenty of time for long-term relationships.

If you're unsure about your relationship with your boyfriend, then it's time to split. If your whole heart isn't into it, it's not fair to 'Mark' at all. Why don't you try some innocent flirting with 'Josh'? There's no shame in that and try to get a feel of where his mind is at and if he might like you back. There's also no shame or nothing wrong with hook-ups and dating around as long you're smart and safe about it.

No matter what you do, people are going to get hurt. That's life and that's love. There's no avoiding that and you shouldn't be so scared of everyone else's feelings. Worry about your own right now and your own happiness.

alright so everyone says it all the time.. but what exactly is your clit?

It's a little button-like area of your vagina (near your uretha). It's in between the two labias (the vagina lips) and it's basically just there for sexual pleasure. There's no other use for it really, and it can be all different sizes. But if you want more info, try here:

http://www.reference.com/search?q=Clitoris

i wanted to spend some of the day with my boyfriend at a spa and order him a back massage cause he always tells me how nice it would be and then bring him out for a birthday dinner but i was wondering if thatd be a little too much...i mean i can afford it and all if i save a little but he doesnt work so i don't want him to feel like he has to spend money on me you know? we've only been together for 8 months...do you think its a good idea? or do you have any other suggestions?

he's turning 17.

It might be a little much... I spent over $300 on my boyfriend and we were together for over a year and a little while later, he dumped me and I felt so stupid for spending that much on him. I'm not saying that's going to happen, but at this point in your relationship, all that is a little much. I would either just get him the massage and MAKE dinner for the two of you... OR give him a nice long back massage yourself with like oil or something and then go out to dinner. Hope everything goes well :)

Where are some websites/things that I could do to STOP all dog fighting?

Hey, it's good to hear that you're interested in a great cause, keep it up! :) Here's some good sites:

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/401037117

http://www.stopdogfighting.net/

http://www.hsus.org/acf/fighting/dogfight/what_you_can_do.html

(19yr old f)

there's this guy that i met on myspace, and i rreally like him. we've talked on the phone, text eachother, exchanged pictures. we know alot about eachother and we feel like we would be really good for eachother and we've been talking for a while, and have developed this special thing, and have this connection, and this understanding of eachother...

I think what i could have with him would be rrealy special and i dont want to ruin our plan to be together...but he lives kinda far and i havent actually met him in person yet. He is getting his own place relativelyyy soon and it will be alot closer to where i live and we will be able to see eachother and more conveniently.

...But,... I seem to be really attractive to alot of other guys, and there are guys who i talk to who want to meet up with me, and there's a guy who goes to my school, and he knows about my "relationship situation", and we started meeting as friends. he said he wasnt trying to take me from my bf, but we ended up spending alot of time with eachother that day and he ended up flirting with me, and we ended up kissing...alot of times.....

So should i feel guilty/... what should i do?... i cant be with the really special guy yet, we are both not exactly sure when we will meet...but we really do want to meet. Should i just resist every guy, and wait it out?... I hate that i am getting a little involved with other guys, but I really need to be held and kissed, and right now, the really special guy cant do that for me. =[ .... what do you think?..

There is no problem in seeing/dating other guys. You're not in a serious relationship, so you should not feel guilty. It's called playing the field and seeing what else is out there. Never shut yourself off to other relationship oppurtunities. Continue what you're doing, and IF you meet this internet guy and still have the same feelings and start something, then you can stop seeing other guys! Who knows, you might meet him and realize he's not the one for you and you wasted all that time! Relax and have fun.

If you cut does that mean your emo? Like the stereotypical type? I'm in 9th grade and I've cut since 8th grade. Not all the time but I do when something goes wrong and I break down. I'm only 14 and none of my family has ever found out about it. Only some of my friends saw. What am I supposed to do? I'm usually unhappy and stuff and I hate it at home. But I can handle everything better at school than at home although I hate school too. I've thought I needed help a few months ago because of what I've thought but didn't really think I'd ever do it. I know this might have been stupid but I really don't know what to do anymore. Help?

It's not stupid, so don't say that. Cutting does not mean you are "emo" or any other stereotype. It means that you have some problems to be worked out and need some help. It doesn't mean you're "crazy" or "weird" either. I really hope you talk to your family, or atleast tell your mom or dad (whoever your closest to). They will know what to do. You can't keep this to yourself or handle it all be yourself. You might be doing it right now at bad times, but it could turn into doing it every week to every day. It's better to realize you need to stop early on, so you can get better sooner! If you're close to a teacher or counselor at school, try and talk to them.. they deal with that kind of stuff and can definitely give some direction of what to do. I really hope you stop and realize you're only 14! You're young and things will get better.. you have your wholeeee life ahead of you. Keep your head up and get better :)

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