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Gender: Male
Occupation: Information Professional
Age: 42
Member Since: January 22, 2010
Answers: 87
Last Update: February 3, 2011
Visitors: 5725
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im a freshman at a large university. last semester i took 16 credit hours but BS'ed around and got off to a really bad start and failed 2 classes, which is awful considering i graduated highschool with honors. this semester im turning over a whole new leaf and am ready to do what i have to do to get at least a 3.0 this semester if not a 4.0 and i know i can do it if i stay focused. at my school, freshman are required to live on campus in the dorms. 2 of my friends and i are looking at apartments for next year and are getting ready to sign our lease in the next couple of weeks. however, because i failed those 2 classes last semester i won't have earned 30 hours by the end of the semester so technically i won't be considered a sophomore. does this mean i wont be able to live off campus even though i will have completed a full academic year? i plan on taking some classes over the summer but am afraid it wont be enough. i feel awful for messing up my first semester and feel like a failure & disappointment now that it may affect me next year and my ability to get my dream apartment with my best friends. any insight? (link)
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As far as what you can and can't do vis-a-vis your university's regulations, there's no way for me or anyone else unfamiliar with your college to know. Go to the housing office and ask. Possibly you'll be able to do it even if it is technically against the rules, but you'll never know unless you check. The last thing you want is to go ahead and move out, commit to a lease, then find that messes with your ability to register for classes.
As far as how great it is to live off campus - don't be so sure. A lot of people I know, including myself, have found that moving off campus was actually an isolating experience. If you have to stay in the dorms one more year, you actually may end up having a better time than if you didn't.
Lastly - to keep those grades up, carve out some study space every day, in the library, empty classrooms, whatever. Get away from partying friends and floormates for at least two hours every day to read your books, take notes, and formulate questions to ask at the next class period. Good luck & have fun!
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Hi i'm 19 and I was having sex and then all of a sudden I got a terrible pain and it just wouldn't go away it felt like something was trying to tear my lower abdomen area apart. It was so bad that I almost threw up and I couldn't move for like a half hour. Over time i felt better. But it was so painful and it scared me a little bit. Do you know what it could possibly be?
Thank You! (link)
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Hi! The fancy name for what you're describing is "dyspareunia." It just means vaginal pain during sex. It could be caused by a number of factors, either psychological or physiological. If it's psychological, it's probably a combination of vaginismus (vaginal clamping) and lack of lubrication - i.e. you weren't turned on by the guy or you're scared of sex for some reason. But I'm doubting this because you don't mention either of those things and you said it was a deep abdominal feeling. So get thee to a gynecologist - it could be an infection or a cyst - either of which is totally curable, but you'll want a doctor's opinion and help.
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Let me first start by giving you a little back ground information. My ex wife became pregnant when she was 20 and I was 19. Even though it was earlier than we both expected to become parents, we were thrilled and so excited to start our family together. We got married shortly after she gave birth to our son Matt. Soon after that, we had another son, and then a daughter. From my perspective, everything was great. That's why I was so blindsided when my wife came to me 9 months after our daughter was born claiming she wasn't ready to settle down and be a mother with divorce papers in her hand. Almost overnight, I became a 23 year old single father with a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 9 month old. After the divorce was final, I rarely heard from my ex wife. She had begun living a life that I didn't necessarily approve of filled with drugs and alcohol and, while I wanted to keep my children as far away from that as possible, she was their mother and I didn’t feel like I could entirely keep them away from her. The last straw, however, came when I let my daughter, Alyssa, (who was 6 at the time) stay with her when I took my sons on a hunting trip. I was supposed to pick her up at noon the Sunday we got back. I spent the entire afternoon calling my ex wife’s apartment with no answer. At 5 that afternoon, I finally just went over to her house where I found her front door wide open and her passed out on the couch from mixing a few too many drugs with alcohol. Her neighbor came over to the apartment and told me that my ex wife had taken Alyssa out one night and come home completely plastered. Thank god her neighbor had woken up and decided to take Alyssa back to her apartment. And this is just one example of many. After that, I told my ex wide that I didn’t want her to see our kids anymore which devastated her so much she entered rehab. She got clean and for the past ten years has seen the kids a few times despite my hesitance. My kids and I have been living a great life together away from my ex wife. A few years ago I began dating another woman whom I am now engaged too. She gets along great with my kids and is an amazing person who I know will be a good influence on my kids’ lives. My oldest son Matt is now in college, but Colton (my middle son) and Alyssa still live with me. Since I have become engaged, my ex wife has become crazy about spending time with the two of them. She wants them at her house every weekend and doesn’t want my fiancé to parent them at all. She is trying to tell my daughter all kinds of lies about why she left, and how I am a horrible person for trying to keep them from seeing her. She tells her that the entire thing was my fault and all kinds of horrible rumors about my fiancé, who went to high school with my ex wife. She has asked both of my kids to move in with her. Colton told her absolutely not, but Alyssa is confused about the whole situation and doesn’t know what she should do. I have full custody of them so essentially it is my choice about whether or not she can see them. I don’t want to take them away from my ex wife, but I don’t want to lose them myself. I am still worried that she will resort back to her old ways and put my kids in danger like she has their whole lives. Am I right to not let my daughter move in with her mom? (link)
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Spend time with their mother - sure. Move in - no. At this point the kids are old enough not to be in any immediate physical danger if your wife relapses. Just communicate honestly with them about how she behaves when they're over, and let them know you're not trying to poison them against their mother, you're just concerned about her and about them and expect to be informed.
If they visit frequently enough and stay for overnights, they will have partly "moved in" in a sense - they'll probably keep a change of clothes there, a toothbrush, etc. for convenience' sake. Don't sweat those details. Just make it clear that your house is their HOME, and that they can VISIT their mother as often as is convenient for everyone. That should be clear enough for your youngest child, and you'll be giving their mother what she wants - more time with her kids.
Talk to your ex directly about trash-talking your fiance. Use your leverage - tell her that her getting to see the kids depends on her behavior - i.e. staying sober and speaking civilly about you and your fiance. If she keeps her end of the bargain, you'll keep yours.
Good luck!
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I dont know where to start, so ill just start.
I am 18 weeks pregnant, 19 years old and have been with my now 20 year old boyfriend since we were 17. Found out about the pregnancy in October, we were living in an apartment with my bestfriend and her boyfriend. I started to get very bad morning sickness, constant vomit and fevers because of the dehydration so I decided it would be best to stop working for a few months. My boyfriend got layed off at the same time. Seeing the position we were in my wonderful mother took both of us in because he had noowhere to go. This was Dec. 1st. The agreement was 250 a month when we got jobs and to be clean and respectful. My boyfriend started his new job with in a couple of weeks. He is terrible with money, he blows through his 680 dollar checks in a matter of 5 days or less. Granted he buys me food or what ever i ask for, but then he holds it against me. (BUT during our apartment stay he lived off of me for two months, rent food fun everything i paid for) Also in the time he doesnt have money or we didnt have jobs he was usually talking me into getting a direct deposit advance (a loan from my bank that will with drawl 35 days later) Also, he smokes weed, and Im completley okay with it. we are laid back people and i believe that weed is completley fine, much more relaxed than drinking. but the problem is, all of his money goes to weed, and all of my advances went to weed. now the 35 days are catching up, i do have a job now but havent gotten paid yet. and my bf got his mom to loan him 80 dollars. 50 of which went to weed, idk where the other 30 went, but now im out of gas and cant get to work tonight (we share a car). This is a constant story, and he hasnt been attempting to save at all and he hasnt given my mother any money and im always picking up after him and his friends are always over when i get home from work. hes a sweet guy but i dk what im doing wrong, i cant get him to see the way he is is not okay. Next month i told him he is giving my mom money and me 600 every month until we move out so we arent out on our ass with a baby when we do (september)and im not taking "well can i jst pay this" for an answer bc thats what ive been hearing and he still has a 300 rent to own bill and a 300 E.R. bill and a 200 communit college bill(he never attended. he hasnt called to discuss finacial assistance or tell them he doesnt have the money either. theres more . Im going crazy bc he doesnt listen to me and always tells me my negative energy is bringing him down and always brushes me off. i have noone to talk to about me or how i feel and its starting to make me depressed. my friends just arent much for advice or conversation i dont feel comfortable whining to them bc they come to me for advice, bc i am always gonna tell them whats best for them, but in return i get the answers that will make me happy. i need more. i need advice. I also finally decided "okay, im gonna do this im gonna go to school" but then discussed with my mom the dilemma of him wanting to go to school and work and how i do not believe in daycare, we decided maybe i should wait and if we save the money I have planned, (like 6000 by sept) than i can stay home with baby, he can go to school and work full time and in 4 years hell have a career, baby will be in preschool, and i can start my school. (a vet tech program that takes 2 years) my mom and i decided that i would try school in august, but thinking all realisticly i dont want my child in daycare, i worked at one and it was not pretty. and i dont mind the stay at home mom idea. I just dont want him to think it gives him the right to control me bc i am not making any money. gosh everything is just frustrating, between him not having any money, me putting off at school, figuring out how i am going to raise a child when he sometimes treats me like i am just here for what ever purpose he thinks i am, and then the idea that we CAN do this. I have not given that up. i just am so lost with noone to talk to and i just dont know what to do and it breaks my heart because i love him, thats how i got myself here. Since we were 17 ive been the money maker, paying for everything, i took him in my home, i moved out with him under the stupid notion it would help him, and part of me wonders if he got me pregnant on purpose because i was so set on becoming my own person with my own place and my own life when we moved out. I have been in a serious relationship since i was 14, and he knows i was going to break up with him, it was obvious. Now here we are and i sit here and cry everymorning and i dont even know what i want anyone to tell me bc i dont know which is a problem and which is normal. or if im being overly dramatic. i just doint know. i just cant take it anymore and wish my baby was here so i had someone to love that has to love me and wont make me feel bad for feeling the way i do (link)
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It's not really that complicated. You have a baby on the way, and your boyfriend needs to grow the fuck up and be a good provider and father. The questions are, A) can he do it, B) how long is it going to take him, and C) can you wait that long?
To figure out A) and B), you're going to have to have a serious talk with your boyfriend. Don't yell, don't cry, just calmly sit down with him some night (when you both have time and he's not high) with a calendar, a calculator, and a notebook, and say it's time to make some plans and set some goals. If he repeatedly balks at this or just keeps saying over and over that you're being "negative," just tell him the truth - there's nothing "negative" about planning for the future. In fact, it's positive. And if he can't agree to this even in principle or cooperate at all, he may have some sort of emotional or mental problem. You may want to reconsider whether you want such a man in your life beyond some sort of court-ordered paternity arrangement, and you should feel free to tell him so.
However - it may not come to that. A lot of guys don't grow up until they become fathers. But you need to let him know that you expect this of him, and that there is a deadline for the two of you to sit down and have that talk (and several more like it) about the future. It may be before the baby is due, or it may be some time after. But there's got to be a deadline and he needs to know when it is.
Good luck!
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i really need some advice i am really worried.
i'm 21 and i'm on the pill for almost 2 years now. the last two months i have been having really weird periods, i don't know if they are actual periods. it is a very light color almost like light pink sometimes ligt brownish. and lasting for only 2 days. i used to have 3 days periods but not of this color (redish usually). i've searched for questions and i read this might be a sign of pregnancy and i got really scared. i had unprotected sex ( but he didn't come inside me) only once two weeks ago. and i don't drink my pill everyday at the same time but i do drink it every day. i don't know what this means. can anyone help me please i think i'm going crazy. i'm very scared now to take a pregnancy test. (link)
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Don't be scared to take a pregnancy test! You're almost certainly not pregnant. It'll put your mind at ease about that. However, you SHOULD schedule an appointment with your gynecologist. He/She can tell you what's going on with your period. Maybe you just need to tweak your birth control prescription - You've only been on it two years, and women's bodies change as they age. Good luck - I'm sure everything's going to be fine.
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19 female.
will doing exercise that emphasizes the butt area make them look smother eventually? for some reason i have some cellulite and my butt/legs are are not smooth at all and i'm actually quite skinny... i'm 5'6 and weigh 118 pounds and i've always been skinny. i dont know what i can do to make it look better, so i was thinking exercises but didn't know if it would work?? (link)
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Some women just naturally have more cellulite than others. It's not fair, but that's just how it is. What you CAN do is step up your leg/butt exercises and increase your protein intake slightly. What you want is more muscle underneath the cellulite. It stands to reason that if the fat covering the muscle is stretched out more by larger muscle groups underneath, the dimpling effect of the cellulite will become less noticeable. I don't think you'll be able to get rid of it completely, but you can make it look better. Try it and see! The worst that can happen is you'll have stronger legs.
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I'm stuck???? I've been in this relationship now for three years, it's been great for awhile, but now it's gotten phsycial and crazy... I've been really depressed lately mainly because he's been this dick asshole to me but again he see's it differently and i'm the bitch. We got in a fight and my finger got broke, but then he got mad one morning and he was grabing my face and shit, pinching me and screaming at me and telling me to shut up but not in so many words. Second I got this text on my phone from a guy I know long before I knew him and it ended up being a mistake, he was trying to text his wife telling her goodnight sweetheard but had texted me. but he apologized the next morning for texting the wrong person and he was some what sorry for it. But my point is i do everything for this man cook, clean, some of his homework for school, plus i do my homework and work, all while he plays video games. He gave me a ring which he says was for commitment ring so i accepted it and now i've been really depressed and i feel like he is pushing me away slowly either to kill myself or drive me to another man. He calls me stupid almost all the time. I really have been thinking of suicide the last three days and have slowly been seting up a time and date to do it and what i'm going to use and been doing research on what that medication would do and the time it would take to kill myself all of it...Please someone give me advice (link)
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If I can rip off a phrase from one of my favorite advice columnists - Dump the Mother Fucker Already! (DTMFA). Seriously, I know there are two sides to every story, but there is absolutely NO excuse for him to get physical with you and hurt you. None. You don't mention kids, so I assume that's not an issue. You can walk away. Make arrangements to stay with family or friends, pack your stuff and move out, and look for another place. Or if it's your place, tell him it's over, and if he touches you again, you're calling the police, and MEAN IT. Don't put up with that bullshit, not one more day. Get your own space, take a couple of months off men and just relax. Then maybe start to look around again. You can do it, just believe it.
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