I generally buy my boyfriend something small, like a cool t-shirt or a nice watch, but Valentine's day is very commercialized, so I think doing something for your boyfriend instead is a refreshing idea!

Ask yourself: could I spend the rest of my life with this person? If the answer is no, then it's lust. If it's yes, then it could be love.

That is the simple answer, as I know nothing of the details of the relationship. If you have more details that you wish to give, let me know!

I am very in love. I first met my guy freshman year of high school, and had a crush on him from the very beginning. We became friends, and of course I continued to like him... he was (and still is) funny, cute, and sexy! We argued back and forth about whether we should date; basically he was a big chicken, and I wanted to give it a shot. I finally gave up on him my junior year and got another boyfriend. However, that was long distance and did not work out, so I dumped him, and guess what? My guy asked me out a week later. We fell in love over about six months, and we have now been together for three and a half years. We plan to get married in another few years after he gets out of law school :)

I don't think that you can just "get over" this. It sounds like you want to be wanted, which is natural. I understand liking friends just because you are friends. They ask other people out, then you just end up feeling lonely. In high school, I went on dates with several of my friends, but it generally didn't work out. You have to not take it personally. Some people are just meant to be friends, nothing else. I know it hurts to be rejected--even if the guy never even knew you liked him. The next time you like a guy, write down all of the pro's and con's of being in a relationship with him. If you find there are more con's, look around somewhere else. If you do end up dating a guy that you know is not right for you, you'll only up getting hurt worse, a hurt you could have prevented. However, if you genuinely like one of the guys, let him know! Nothing will happen the guy doesn't think he has a chance with you! Guys can be shy too. Try just a little extra eye contact with a smile, and see if he responds. I did not have a boyfriend until I was 16, so I understand where you are coming from. I know several girls that didn't have boyfriends until they were in college. Don't think that you are alone, and it's okay! Good luck!

I'm not a guy, so I don't have a guy's perspective, sorry, lol. However, I think that a lot of guys, especially in high school are shy, but girls expect them to be outgoing. It's a little selfish of us girls, but that's the way it is sometimes, haha. It may be hard, but try going up to him and talking to him. I used to ask my current boyfriend (before we dated of course) about biology. I was much better at it than he was, but hey, it was something to talk about. Is the guy on a team or anything? Tell him you've seen him play (assuming you have) and compliment him! Good luck!

Very confusing. Boys can be so strange. It sounds like he was desperate to talk to you. However, if he takes the L word seriously, and he knows you know that, he may be falling in love with you. A lot of things seem good to say at the time, so the "not in a serious way" is probably his way of saving face, and making sure you don't think he is dumb.

Decide how you feel about him. Do you love him or think you could? Ask him, point blank, if he has feelings for you. Don't necessarily say love though...you don't want to intimidate him.

Do you just want to be friends? Tell him you just want to be friends, drop the subject, and make sure you aren't inadvertently leading him on.

From what it sounds like, you've liked this guy for a while. I'm not sure why dating him was awkward, but if there is nothing keeping you from dating this guy, why not?

It definitely sounds like it! He certainly wouldn't ask for a dinner from you if he DIDN'T like you! Take him to dinner, or if you can cook, cook him dinner. It's the only way to figure out where this is going! If it went well, hint for another date, maybe by joking that the dinner was so good, now he owes you one. Good luck!

You say yourself that there is nothing wrong, so I believe that you answered one part of your own question!

I had an experience similar to yours. I am half Japanese, and I really liked this Korean guy in school. I had only ever gone on dates with white guys, so I thought it would be really weird to date a Korean guy. We talked a little bit, but I was incredibly shy, and nothing ever came of it. I don't think that there is anything weird, but I don't think that relationship would have ever worked because I thought it was weird. If you can get over your mental block, you may be able to work things out, but it is you yourself making this weird.

As far as not liking him because you are afraid of losing him, that is not a good reason. Guys will come and go, and it happens more often for shy girls, believe me. Be friends, start there. if it is still weird, then don't sweat it, no one is forcing you to like the guy. If you enjoy being friends, and you could see yourself dating him, try dropping some hints that you like him. Spend time with him outside of school, so that you can gauge better whether you like him.

However, all of this is moot without your confidence. Do whatever you can to build your self-confidence, even if it sounds cheesy. Write down lists of things you like about yourself, things your good at, anything like that. This is really cheesy to get rid of the "bad stuff", but you could try it: visualize a list of things you don't like about yourself (don't write it down!), and pretend they are in a computer file and "click" delete in your mind. This will help you get rid of ideas of poor self image.

Once you are confident, you can take over the world! Okay, not really, but you can become outgoing enough to be approachable and dateable.

Keep in mind that expensive dogs are generally expensive because they are well bred, and I do not recommend getting one that is not because doing so is only encouraging people to breed less than ideal dogs, which puts dogs into shelters where they are euthanized. Be careful though, Yorkies are popular dogs, so some breeders think that they can charge a lot, even if the dogs aren't very good.

Try looking through a rescue--I think everyone should have a rescued dog or two... they are fantastic!

You might also try contacting a breeder to see if they have any adults for sale. The adults are generally cheaper, and you already know how big they are! My roommate has a 5 lb yorkie that she got for free. She couldn't be shown because she had an underbite and she never grew out of her puppy colors.

One last idea--contact the veterinarians in the area and let them know that you are in the market for a Yorkie. Vets are often the first to know when a family decides to give up a dog, but generally don't have the resources to find the dog a home. You might find that perfect little Yorkie this way and prevent a sweet little dog from going to the shelter at the same time!

Honestly, your lifestyle does not seem dog-friendly. Before you get a dog, see if you could get someone to dog-sit during the day, or at least drop by and walk it. If you insist on getting a dog, get an adult--house breaking will be a nightmare with you gone for nine hours a day. Visit with a rescue that fosters. My area has a rescue specifically for small dogs. Since fosters live in homes, the foster parents can recommend a dog that will be a good fit. Many foster parents become very attached to their charges, so you will probably have to show that you are willing to work to keep the dog happy. I would not look for a specific breed. All of the other breeds mentioned have associated health concerns, and not every dog of the same breed is the same. Instead, look for someone fostering a dog that feels confident the dog will be successful in your home. Good luck!

You sound like a smart young woman. Never, never, never do something because other people think you should. I realize that this is difficult sometimes, but strength is going against the crowd, not going with.

If you are scared or nervous, that is probably your inner warning bells telling you that it is not right. Eventually, you will find the right person, but don't force it.

Also, it is none of other people's business what you do or don't do with a guy. If it is the guys spreading this information around, you certainly need to find different guys to date. Always expect a man to treat you with respect!! Any guy that spread rumors because he is upset is a little insecure boy. If it is your friends spreading the information, perhaps you should not discuss your love life with those that you do not trust, or you should explain that what you tell them is private. If it is your friends calling you a prude, let them know that it upsets you.

There are guys out there that will wait, and don't let anyone tell you differently. Your pride and self-confidence should be from you, not your status. You sound smarter than the crowd--stay that way!

I think that Pit Bulls are incredible dogs, and can be wonderful pets. However, I don't believe that they are dogs for first-time or inexperienced dog owners either. Pit bulls, and most dogs in the "bully breeds" category require a lot of intense work. Certainly research the breed outside of this site. Some people will tell you that they are perfect dogs, while others will tell you that they are baby killers. The truth is they can be either; it depends on their breeding and the owner. The dogs are extremely powerful, and for this reason alone I don't believe that they are suitable around small children. They can easily run over and hurt kids, never knowing that they did. They need lots of exercise, lots of training, and lots of socialization--let me say that again--LOTS OF SOCIALIZATION! Unsocialized dogs tend to be dog aggressive and possibly people aggressive, and Pit Bulls are not safe when unsocialized. Also, make sure Pit Bull ownership is legal in your area, and if you rent an apartment or house, be sure that aggressive breeds are allowed.

If you decide that a Pit Bull will fit into your life, either rescue a Pit Bull that has been temperament tested or buy from a trustworthy breeder.

If you decide to rescue, you will probably have to find a breed-specific rescue, as most shelters won't adopt out Pit Bulls, automatically euthanizing any that come in. Evaluate the rescue and make sure that it is reputable. Once you find a dog that you like, ask them to demonstrate that the dog is not food, pet, or people aggressive, and view where the dog is currently being kept. If they are reluctant to do so, politely decline the dog. You do not need to make Pit Bull ownership more difficult than it already is, and keep in mind that once you have a dog, you are responsible for it's actions--including if it harms a neighbor's pet or child.

If you decide to buy, do NOT buy a dog because it is cheap!! Cheap dogs are often cheaply bred, and Pit Bulls with a bad temperament are bad news. Ideally, the breeder should be showing and registering dogs, but keep in mind that Pit Bulls are not an AKC breed (but Staffordshire Terriers are). www.pitbullregistry.com/ is a site full of information and links to registered breeders that you might want to check out. Once you find a breeder, ask to see the facilities, all of the puppies, the dam, and the sire if on site. Insist on seeing these, but respect any precautions the breeder chooses to take, such as washing hands or not handling the puppies. Ask for recommendations from others the breeder has sold to, and if possible, meet some adult dogs that come from the breeder.

Once you find that perfect pup for you, enroll in puppy classes (or adult obedience classes if you rescue or buy an adult), even if you think you can train the dog yourself. Group classes are invaluable for socializing the dog to other dogs and people. Expose the pup to as many things and experiences possible, but avoid adult dogs--especially unvaccinated ones--until your dog has completed its vaccination schedule.

These are tips for any dog owner, but it is especially important for a large, potentially dangerous dogs. I love Pit Bulls, but they have earned their bad rap. It is up to Pit Bull owners to ensure that they have happy, healthy, well-adjusted Pits to change the breed's reputation!

Hey. You are certainly on the right track being yourself. No relationship based on pretending will be stable. Many fabulous relationships are based on friendship, and I personally feel that it is the most important part.

As far as acting like a girlfriend, don't force it. It could make you clingy...and a lot of guys can't handle that. The first part of a relationship can be awkward; don't worry--it's supposed to be. You are getting to know each other better, and both of you are evaluating the other.

Before you start acting more like a girlfriend, you might want to evaluate how you feel about the guy, and how you feel about yourself. I know that you said your friend is okay with you dating this guy, but make sure that you are comfortable dating someone your friend already has. If you are uncomfortable, or you feel guilty, you need to make sure that you won't change the way you act around your friend. Don't sacrifice a solid friendship for a boy.

Once you are comfortable with yourself, your friend, and your relationship, you can start acting more like a girlfriend than a friend. Figure out what you expect from a boyfriend. This will give you some clues about what kind of girlfriend you want to or will be. Your personality of course has a huge affect on this as well. Do you expect him to spend a lot of time with you or you are happy with a couple of dates a week? Do you think he should spend more money on you than you do on him, or do you think it should be more equal? Do you guys have a lot of activities in common, or do you enjoy having hobbies that are only yours?

You also should know what the guy expects from a girlfriend. The best way to find out is to straight out ask him, but it can be awkward, especially if you don't have lots of in-depth conversations yet. You can feel it out by picking up clues from him if you are good at reading people. You can also ask lots of little questions over a period of time--this can be less awkward than one big question and conversation. Maybe ask if he wants to go dutch on a date. Some guys are very traditional and won't hear of such a thing, while others like a girl that contributes money to the relationship. Note that neither is better, it just depends on your personality and the guy's.

Some farewell tips...be honest with yourself and others, always expect a man to treat you with respect, and treasure your good times!

Good luck!

I'm back after a hiatus! I have graduated college (yay!) and am working with Thoroughbred racehorses in Kentucky.

I enjoy giving advice to teens because now that I am older, I have a proper perspective of high school, but I am close enough in age that I don't think I'll come off as some idiot with adult problems that has no idea how teenage life works. Generally I answer love life questions, since that is where many self-image problems surface-not to mention it's highly confusing! If you are wondering about my own love life... well, I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 years. We are getting married once he finishes law school, and yes! We are high school sweethearts!

I also love giving advice to dog owners. I have grown up with dogs and currently have two mutt-butts of my own :) I have worked for several different veterinary clinics, including a vet school, I have taken tons of classes, as well as doing personal research.

I try to be understanding of everyone's problems...I also try to see things from the asker's point of view, but often I do not have enough information so I do the best I can!

BTW if you want to ask me a question, please keep in mind: I LIKE--decent spelling and grammer, proper punctuation, and real words; I HATE--using "like" improperly, lack of punctuation, and gross misspellings. I am happy to read and answer any question, but these are just polite things to do for any columnist!

Gender:
Occupation:
Age:
Member Since:
Answers:
Last Update:
Visitors:
Main Categories:



Favorite Columnists