xxBrOkEnxx's advice column

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Female

Location:

new york

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none cause im cool like that

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Member Since:

December 21, 2004

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697

Last Update:

December 19, 2006

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this name is old and stupid....well first off my name is stephanie.dont judge me before you know me.im pretty nice.i like meeting new people,so im open to friends, but im extremely shy, so yeah. i dont give that good of advice so i'll help you as much as i can

advice

I am so scared right now. So many things have happened to me over the past few months of this year. I began cutting myself in the beginning of may over bouts of depression. all the sudden out of no where this depression hit me. I have a great life too, but I get so depressed. Throughout the summer I would have strange mood swings, one hour I would be hyper and happy and love everyone, the next hateful, depressed, and angry at the world. I would hide in my room, and lately I have been having fear of light. I literally scream in anguish if a blind is open or I see sunlight. My mom doesn't know what is wrong with me, lately I have been scaring my sisters and boyfriend. All the sudden I found myself obsessing over demons and possessions. I have already been diagnosed with OCD, so maybe this could be another factor of it. But this is way worse than a typical OCD episode. When I have these thoughts I have thoughts of demons faces, angels bleeding, it's haunting me so much. I then hear things in a distance in my mind, telling me to do different things, telling me to look up satanist things. I dont want to, but somehow or another I feel forced. Lately, suicide has come into my mind. My cutting is worse, I have no apetite at all, Im starting to look emaciated, I feel down alot, could I be unconsiously possessed(well i wouldnt call it possessed but..I dont know how else to say it)or is this something medical as in disorder? Im so confused, and sometimes what scares me is Ill be in my room and get into fights with myself, I feel my head spin and Im going crazy. I cut and slash my arm while I fight myself, saying good things then negative things about myself. I also, when I feel tension and angered, it is really bad, it builds up so much inside me ill sit in a corner of my room and rock back and forth pulling my hair and shaking my head crying..and sometimes banging my head against the wall, but in front of my family I try to act normal, they know about my obsession, but dont know all the details. Im scared, and right now I feel fine, my crazy episode has passed, but there is always one lurking around the corner. What is this? Also to let you know, I have faith in God, but lately have pulled away from him, as in I have not said a prayer since this stuff has happened, I just can't..because when I try to say one I get thoughts of how silly it is and then I feel myself not meaning what I say in the prayer, though I want to mean it so badly.

you should really get help.. you need to talk to a shrink.this might not help or anything but heres something on schizophrenia,this didnt sound like you that much but just read it..

Schizophrenia is one of the most debilitating and most misunderstood mental disorders. It has a devastating effect on those who have the condition and on their families and friends, both because of the severe effects and because of misconceptions and stigma associated with it.
What is schizophrenia?

Schizophrenia is generally believed to be a brain disorder, just as other disorders such as Alzheimer's, Parkinson's or Multiple Sclerosis. Schizophrenia appears to be a failure of the brain's chemical or electrical systems to function properly, resulting in a variety of unusual neural twists, such as disjointed ideas, confused or disconnected thoughts, and sounds or other sensations experienced as real when they exist only in the person's mind. Unfortunately, the symptoms of schizophrenia may be bizarre to both the sufferer and to others, while movies and popular books have tended to pass along incorrect information. Because of this, there are many common misconceptions about schizophrenia. For example:

* schizophrenia is NOT a "split personality"
* people with schizophrenia are NOT automatically violent criminals
* schizophrenia is NOT caused by bad parenting or character flaws
* schizophrenia is NOT an isolated condition: estimates are that 1 in 100 people in the United States may have the disorder.

What causes schizophrenia?

The onset of schizophrenia is most commonly from age 16-25. Ethnicity and economic status do not seem directly related. Scientists still are unsure of the exact cause, and it may be that more than one causal factor is involved. Causes under investigation include:

* difference in brain chemistry (there may be an imbalance of the brain's neurotransmitters, the naturally existing chemicals that assist in cellular communication)
* difference in brain structure (brain scans indicate some similarities in the structure of the brains of schizophrenics, which are different from non-schizophrenic brains)
* genetics (it occurs more often in those with a family history of schizophrenia)
* developmental factors (such as a viral infection that occurs while in the womb)

Even if research finds that differences in the structure or chemistry of the brain are sources of schizophrenia, there still remains the mystery of what caused these differences to occur.