I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
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Member Since: December 31, 2006
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Last Update: August 30, 2022
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my husband is still friends with his ex. They have also been friends since they were teenagers through now. He had got her flowers about 6 months before we started dating, then a few weeks into our dating relationship, he took leave and and he had hung out with her back home. They went rock climbing and out to Olive Garden.
He never told me nor did he mention it was his ex. I seen a post on her Instagram and that’s how I found out. I got a little worried since I had seen a reciept that he got her flowers 6 months previous. I was thinking maybe he still had feeling for her. And I was upset that he never mentioned it was his ex. I let it go, cause we’re just dating and he’s allowed to have girl friends. Well we ended up getting married and we were having an argument and he was messaging her about our relationship problems. That made me really upset. I told him I didn’t like that and it made me feel weird. He stopped doing it. i seen her name pop up on his phone when we were driving, nothing bad she was saying happy Father’s Day, I know it was his ex, I wanted to reassure nothing was going on. later that day I do go through his phone, (bad I know) and the message was gone.
The convo seemed innocent but why delete it. He said he deleted it csuse it was old. It was from the same day, and messages form years prior were still on his phone. Like I know the convo wasn’t bad nor was he cheating but why lie to me? One day I was sending pictures from his phone to mine of the kids, and I seen pictures of his jeep, and I’m like ohhh who’d you send those to? Thinking his dad probably, and he said oh I don’t remember. It was weird how he answered, I checked his phone again and it was to his ex (she’s into jeeps as well) again convo was innocent but why does he lie about it? It’s giving me trust issues. He will typically delete the messages after from her, and he finally told me it’s because he thinks I’ll get mad at him for talking to her. I told him I’m mad that he lies about it, not that he talks to her. It’s annoying. I would be okay with just talking as friends as long as you’re not making up reasons as to why you’re deleting the texts. Then he told me I’m ruining his friendship with her. Also to add. I found a note while I was unpacking our stuff, dated a year before us dating about how much he loved her and he wouldn’t be able to find anyone as good as her. Maybe that’s why I feel some type of way about him hiding that he’s talking to her. I know people can change feelings and he’s married to me. But why do I feel weird about it? I don’t care if they are friends and have friendly convo’s but she wants to meet me and I don’t know how to feel about that. My husband thinks it’s bitchy that I said I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hangout with her and meet her. I just feel awkward about it. Am I being immature and need to fix my trust issues??? They don’t talk daily, and I know he’s not cheating, but why is this making me feel weird. Would this make anyone else feel weird?
I also caught him on only fans spending $200 on girls, He lied and said it was a new account, and but he was using it for a while. I actually asked him if he had one and he told me no. But anyway, Told him he could watch porn but I’m not okay with spending money on it. Said he wouldn’t do it again… then a few months later he took leave for a job interview, and I seen he paid $45 more dollars for only fans again. Like I’m getting really annoyed here. I want to be in a Relationship with him obviously, but the way he tries to hide stuff annoys me. (link)
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You will always be the third wheel in the relationship and that's not fair to you. How do you know he's not cheating? Their relationship is weird and so is his constantly deleting texts and lying to you about them and about her. There's more than meets the eye here and you have a right to feel weird about it and to trust those red flags going off in your head. His behaviour isn't normal.
If he has nothing to hide he wouldn't get defensive over the texts and the bank account being used for porn. If you have asked him to not do something and he lies and persists it means there isn't any respect there.If he's just friends with this person he wouldn't be acting in a manner where it has to be secretive or kept from you.
I have no idea her motive for wanting to meet you but if you are apprehensive about this and don't feel as though you need to or should don't. He can't be trusted and you need to figure out whether or not you want to be with him and whether or not you want her around him. You aren't being a bitch either. He's just too much and untrustworthy.
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My name is Svetlana and I am 28 years old. I live with my old parents and take care of them. My dad is old and it hard for me to deal with his personality. Lately, he humiliates me and my mom, he is rude to us and sometimes screams at us. He forgets everything, always angry and never satisfited with anything. I understand that he is really old now and deals with a lot of pain, maybe even with depression but it's hard for me not to take his words and actions to heart. My mom also takes it to heart and I always calm her down, I'm like her psychologist. But I'm hiding my own pain deep inside and I cry a lot when no one sees me.I have severe anxiety and sleep disorder already five years. My dads dramas costs me nights of not sleeping or having serious panic attacks during day time. I am afraid that I might face heart problems in near future. My chest is already hurting sometimes when I worry or in stress. As an example, my sister who lives in Russia has severe heart and anxiety problems. In her 30's she was looking after her husband parents like a nanny, and as much as I know they wore hard people to deal with. No one really helped her or looked after her while she was assisting her husband parents. Since she had no support, she was hiding her anxieties and worries deep inside. Later when those people died she started not to feel well. She woke up one morning and fainted, her face got paralyzed and she could nearly stand on her feet. She was taken to hospital that morning and was diagnosed with heart attack. Doctor told her not to work physically and to stay away from stress. Right now she is on disability and spends all her time at home. I am worried about my health because me and my sister are identical and we have same problems with nervous system. Right now it seems I'm walking down her path. I'm afraid that I will be facing heart attack and disability in near future. Is there any hope for me not to end up like this just like her? What can I do in my situation? (link)
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Even if you have a twin it doesn't mean that you will have the same health issues. That said, there is genetics to consider. Stress will always manifest itself on the body or cause you to feel physically tense and uncomfortable. I have a strong feeling that this is what is happening now and that the sleeping issues, anxiety you feel and tightness in your body is related to that.
However, you can always see a doctor and tell them what you are concerned about and ease your mind. You have to tell yourself that your father isn't well and that's where his behaviour stems from. It sounds as though he has dementia and there are many forms of that.
I think what you need to do is reach out to his doctor and tell him/her that you have become the primary caregiver for him and your sister is disabled and can't help you. Tell them you are drowning and the stress is taking its toil.
They may be able to find you resources and people who can come in to help. You can also start searching for people on your own or offer a job to come in and care for him for how many days and hours you need at a time if you know of someone who can do it and needs a job. You shouldn't be expected to do this all on your own any longer. His doctor may be able to get you a personal support worker or nurse that could come in. You have to ask about what is available to you because there is a solution.
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My daughter is 14 and I’ve been married to my husband since she was three. He has always been there for her as a great stepdad. My daughter’s room is downstairs and even though she is 14 he still goes downstairs every night to sleep next to her after I fall asleep at 3:00am. Then comes back up every morning around 7am. I know nothing is going on and my daughter is completely comfortable around him, she says nothing but good things. I have talked to her and she insists that she is fine with him doing this. However, I am not fine with this because she is fourteen and doesn’t need a grown adult sleeping next to her every night. I told him how I felt and that he doesn’t need to do that anymore but all he says is “you can’t tell me what to do” “you are a control freak” and disregards how I feel. He then said “well I’ll go downstairs and sleep on the couch near her since you don’t want me in the bed”which makes no sense at all! He told me I am just trying to “control” where he sleeps and my daughter doesn’t have a problem with it so he isn’t stopping. He told me I am the only one who thinks something is wrong with it and that I am jealous! I could not believe it when he said that. What is wrong here?!!!! I wanted to punch him in the face when he said that. He always turns it around on me and makes me look like I crazy for thinking this way. I just want to scream! He claims he goes down there because she likes to talk until she falls asleep but at 3am in the morning you should be sleep not talking! She is fourteen for goodness sake how long will he be doing this? I just feel uncomfortable about the whole thing for some reason and at this point this whole situation makes me want to just leave this marriage. She isn’t five anymore. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I just overreacting? (link)
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There is a ton of red flags here and you have sensed that there are and know that something is wrong here no two ways. There certainly is a lot amiss. The fact that he is so defensive and dismissive of you indicates that there is something he may be hiding.
The thing is if your daughter is being abused she may not be someone who can or wants to turn against her father and expose it to anyone or divulge it because he's the abuser and may/may not have threatened her. When the abuser is someone you know it's harder for someone to come forward about what is happening and perhaps she can't make sense of it all or is afraid.
You really need to talk to her and let her know that she is not in any trouble and no matter if he is her father or not you need to know and have her tell 100% straight up if she's being abused sexually or not. I agree with Stephanie below who thinks there is a strong possibility of this.
No grown man regardless of being her father avoid his wife entirely and goes to sleep next to his 14 year-old daughter all night. It's just not normal and you have every right to draw attention to the fact that this is wrong.
The thing is why are you still with this guy? If he has no regard for you or your daughter and is acting in this manner or defending it you need to take her and get out of the situation. There's a lot that points to the fact that this guy is bad news whether he's abusing her or not. There's no respect, love or anything there. You need to find out the truth about what is going on and then find a way to get him out of the picture either way. You'll never be happy in your own home until you do.
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So, I like a boy. He seems to have a lot of interest in me, and I like him too. But here’s the problem. He says he likes someone else, but also shows that he likes me as well. I’m confused and he’s confusing my brain. I truly don’t know what to do but I like him a lot (link)
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The thing is that he's genuinely interested in you but it may not be a boy/girl relationship he's looking for. Maybe he sees you as someone he really wants to be friends with and platonic. He's probably got a deep connection or wants one with you but not romantic at least not now. That could change.
I think what you need to do is cultivate that friendship first and foremost and really get to know and understand one another. That's where lasting relationships start. The girl he likes now may be short-lived. There's going to be girls coming in and out of his life but if you're the one constant in his life it might eventually dawn on him.
Put it this way you're where you need to be. Things will evolve and it's best to live in the moment with him and keep building on your relationship with him because things can and do change. When you are a teenage boy or girl for that mater you don't have a lot of this relationship stuff figured out yet.
I would be respectful of him and his relationship with the other girl as as Steph said below wait and see what happens. At some point in the future you can let him know that you have been right under his nose the whole time and make him aware of that but the timing just isn't right for now. Be present in his life though.
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Right before Holidaze break of 2019, the people who are majors and minors of my department in college all went to our department chair’s home and did the usual Xmas gift exchange thing. I’m in the theater department, so of course there are all kinds of crazy gifts (including a brand new cue ball, like the kind that goes with a pool table) and all kinds of swapping. I got the gift from this older gay guy named Jeremy. It was a roll of toilet paper which had pictures of Jeremy on every sheet, and it was on both sides of the toilet paper (like alternating, one picture on the outside of one sheet and the next sheet has the picture on the other side.) Jeremy said that he wanted to give a gift that “people could actually use”. He had peeled the backing paper off of the pictures before he put them on there so the pictures were really soft, like regular toilet paper. I asked him before we all left the party if he really wanted me to use it and he said “absolutely!”, which was so crazy but that’s kinda how he was-wild, crazy, unrestrained, beautiful, and epic. I accidentally left the roll of toilet paper with his pictures on it in my college apartment when I went to my parents house for Xmas or else I would have started using it over the Holidaze break.
Over the Holidaze break however, about two weeks after the party, Jeremy was driving over a hundred miles per hour and hit a bunch of trees after hydroplaning. He passed away instantly. (He had a habit of driving by himself at crazy speeds on back country roads; he always said that doing that was his happy place.)
At the memorial service, I tried to give the roll of toilet paper from the party to Jeremy’s boyfriend, but he said that he just wasn’t able emotionally to take it and he thought that since I had gotten it at the party, Jeremy would have wanted me to have it. I wanted to give it to Jeremy’s family, but then I thought about how awkward it would have been with them not knowing me and me handing them a roll of toilet paper with pictures of their passed away son glued onto every sheet.
So now it’s been about two years now and I don’t know what to do. We weren’t super close but we had a lot of cool memories being part of the same group of friends doing college together. He put in too much work making it to just chuck it in the trash. I don’t really have room for it though and it’s a pretty weird thing to have. Normally I try to be pretty minimalist but this one item is super difficult because of the story.
What do you think please? (link)
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It's obvious that it does mean something to you or you wouldn't be second guessing what to do with it. You might not have room for it now but if you put it aside in a box (carefully) you might have room for it later as a memory you shared with him and a joke meant for you. If you toss it you'll regret having done so.
I have had friends who wrote a ton of great stuff and journaled in their teens and twenties or made artwork and chucked it and wished they hadn't because it captured a moment in time and how they evolved as people. If this is something that keeps someone's memory alive to you or has a story keep ahold of it.
As far as his family goes, it's a bad idea to show it to them because you don't know them well and B they won't get the joke and will likely be offended and not receive that well.
Instead, send them a card about how much their son meant to you and the qualities he possessed and what made him a great friend and someone you'll have a lasting memory of. That above anything is what they need right now and the best thing you could do to honour your friend and be respectful of him and the tragedy.
Another thing you should consider doing is ask them what you can do to help them honour him or a cause they knew he was passionate about and with their blessing donate to it or help create awareness of it.
This person's life shouldn't be in vain and there are lessons others can get from the tragic way he passed about being responsible when driving and no drinking, drugs, texting or distractions or driving recklessly even on back roads. You could start something at your school to educate people (with their blessing) and do presentations.
You should consider volunteering with MADD or other organizations and share the story about him and make sure other young people don't copy his mistakes. That's more important than the toilet paper roll but keep that too as it reminds you of his humour and connection and a moment you had with him.
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My sister is a lot older than I am and was kicked out when I was a toddler for being gay. I'm 15 now and she's 29, and the family hasn't had any contact with her since then. I found her on IG a while back and have been keeping up with her. I don't follow her or anything, just look at what she posts so it's not like she knows I found her. I obviously don't remember her, I've just seen pics of her and have heard some stories about her from cousins. I feel like our parents would be mad if I reached out, but she seems cool and I would love to talk to her. I don't care that she's a lesbian and I think what our parents did was really wrong. I'm just nervous at how she's going to react, I know that she has to remember me, and I know that I didn't do anything but what if she hates me lol. Should I send her a message and hope for the best or just mind my own business? (link)
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I doubt she would hate you period. It doesn't matter worth a damn what your parents think. If you want a relationship with her go for it. You should tell your sister that you think it's wrong what they did and have always wanted a normal relationship with her and work from there.
I'm sure she would be happy that you care and reached out. She likely will want a relationship with you. You have an excellent chance to lead by example here and show not tell your parents how wrong they are.
Parents should never and have no right to reject their children for any reason whatsoever be it sexual orientation which nobody can control or any other reason. It's their job to parent and they've failed you both. When they are forced to see how ignorant they are or have people around them that show them their behaviour was wrong maybe they'll learn what they have missed. Reach out to her. I'm sure she will be happy you did. It's the right action and your conscience never leads you astray. There's a reason why the inner voice in your head is directing you to right some wrongs and be present for her.
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Today was very usual for me, I had 2 girls who barely talk to me ask to be my friend almost simultaneously. I accepted only one of the girls offer, and so my question lies with the other girl. The other girl whose offer I have not accepted is a cousin to someone who bullied me a couple of years ago, me, the girl, and her cousin all rode the same bus which is where the bullying mostly took place. So she of course bore witness to the bullying, while I do not remember if she ever partook in it or said anything to me I am still skeptical of her friendship request because not only is she related to my past bully but I have no clue if she has any other intentions besides becoming a genuine friend to me. She scarcely speaks to me and so her suddenly asking me if I would like to be friends is brow raising, she doesn’t seem like the girls who I’ve often sparked a friendship with in the past and I don’t know her personality too well to determine if she has a hidden agenda nor am I familiar with agreeing to become friends with someone without having to get to know them first . What exactly should I to do? (link)
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Never assume. This is a case of being guilty by association. She is not her cousin or the person who bullied you. Don't expect her to be like someone else is regardless of how she is or isn't related or friends with someone else. She probably genuinely wants to be your friend. Reading anything more into it that isn't actually there may deny yourself the chance to be friends with someone who may be sincere and the best person for you.
As far as bullying goes it's not easy to be the person to stop it or speak up and a lot of people don't have the courage to step in or stand up against peers. She likely didn't know what to do or how to handle her cousin. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
I would speak to her one on one and mention the bullying and that it upset you that she didn't do anything. Let her know you are cautious of being friends with her based on the fact her friends and cousin victimized you. Hear her out and then judge whether there is anything there you can move forward on. Without doing that it's doing her and yourself a disservice.
The thing is she may never have approached you before because she suspected she couldn't or got that vibe and may not have been able to approach or feel that she could so hadn't spoken to you even though she wanted to.
Teenage girls can really be savage towards each other and then work things out. I think this may be one of those situations. She probably has ZERO hidden agenda and you can't go around thinking people around you are like that or project that on to people. Talk to her privately and go from there.
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Hi :)
I saw him yesterday because he came to our place to help my twin brother with something, so he in his room most of the time. I only managed to say hi to him and thats all.
How long should I wait to text him? I do really like him. And I wanna tell him how i feel. It´s just it will be long time till we see each other in person, that why I wanted to text him. And I dont know if he wants to meet up with me alone or if he´s busy. I´m also really busy with school and work. Also where would I invite him to drop such a bombshell on him?
I wish he didn´t knew my brother(s). Yes, he also knows my older brother. Its just when we talk its mostly about them and I dont want that. I´m also hesitant to tell him about my feelings because we will have high school reunion in 2 years and I dont want it to be awkward.
I´m sorry I dont really wanna bother you with my shit, I just dont have anyone to ask for an advice and I really overthink these kinds of stuff. (link)
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You shouldn't overthink it. All you need to do is have a normal conversation in person. All you are doing is asking him to clarify what the mixed signals you are getting are or if you have read things wrong. You don't have to drop the "I like you" bombshell either. You can keep that part under your hat and just ask where things stand. The only way to know if he will meet up with you is to ask.
If you see him visiting your brothers again just say to him "Can I talk you for a moment" and handle it there because that's your in. Overthinking it or driving ourself bonkers over it is silly. These conversations are normal and happen all the time. You have to figure out where things stand or you'll find yourself wasting time on what ifs rather than what is. You'll be fine.
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Hi:)
You answered my question about me having crush on my brother´s best friend. I just dont´t think I can text him again to meet up. I texted him 2 weeks ago if he wants to go out with me to one city event. I told him to bring up other of his friends so it wouldn´t be just two of us. He told me he would go. But then I haven´t heard from him. I didn´t want to seem needy so I didn´t reach out to him before the event. Then few days later I "accidentally" texted him to start a conversation but it was a short one.
So I don´t wanna be the one to start conversation again.
I don´t wanna lose him a friend. Maybe it´s just me thinking he probably likes me. It has been two years since we saw each other in person because he studied his Bachelor degree in different country, but now he has come back. I don´t really care what my brother thinks about it. Maybe I´m just missinterpreting the signs. But maybe he doesn´t want to approach me because he knows my brother so well and he feels awkward to say anything like I do. The thing is that this crush of mine knows my older brother as well, so thats also a thing.
If I were to confess him, it would be over a text. I just really dont wanna ruin a friendship with him and then it would be even more awkward then it is. He told me he doesn´t talk to my brother as much anymore, nor do they hang out. I literally don´t know what do to. Do i text him or I just keep my feelings for myself.
Thanks. (link)
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Don't text. That's about the worst possible thing you could do. It never works. As much as you don't want to deal with this in person the conversation needs to happen face-to-face. You don't have to confess anything but tell him that you have mixed signals from him and need to know if a friendship is possible or if he's interested in more. It's your right to know so that you know for sure where things stand. It's a reasonable thing to do.
He hasn't seen you in 2 years so a lot has changed and he may not know where he stands with you or what you are interested in. The fact you are texting him a lot may have rattled him as he's cluing in to the reason why. Girls and guys don't text one another with great frequency or automatically when they receive a text unless they're in to someone. He may not be sure of himself with you.
What I would suggest is that you not text for awhile and see what he does. Send one last text saying you need to talk to him soon face-to-face and that you wish he had come to your event because you wanted to reconnect.
I highly doubt thus would ruin a friendship because guys are usually more mature than that and appreciate knowing these things and vice-versa girls. You may not get a relationship but because you are brutally honest friendship can still evolve.
More or less unless you put yourself out there and take a bold risk you can't expect that he would ever do so. Yes, it makes you vulnerable and uncomfortable but it's better than not knowing and or wasting your time hoping for something that may not be unrequited. Give it some time, text once asking to meet up and see what he does. If he doesn't call you or text you after that drop him and the issue because he's conveying by silence his lack of interest.
He could also be pretty busy but could still respond to you but if he doesn't after many days or a week you'll know that this is a social cue that you need to move on that he's not interested in being a friend or more.
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I’ve been dealing with an annoying neighbor for over a year. He used to wake me up with his alarm. That has since stopped but he’s louder than the other neighbors that lived there before him. Honestly, I never heard them at all. Granted some people are more quiet than others. But, I also think the thin walls play a role. So, when October came I was for sure he would have been moved out or evicted because the property manager came to his door asking for rent shortly after he moved in which was sometime in October. Than, maybe a few months ago there was a note left on his door. So, I assumed he’d been gone my now since it’s been a year. I can’t imagine they will allow someone to renew their lease if they have noise complaints and past due rent. The irony in all of the while I was waiting for him to move I should have moved. I just was hoping this would be the last month dealing with him.
Just wondering how I got here (link)
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Landlords are reluctant to evict anyone during COVID. That's part of the problem. The other part of the problem is the eviction notice. Take a look if you can to see when it was issued. The person typically gets a 60 day reprieve to pack up and get out. After that the landlord can bring in the sheriff to actually make the person psychically leave.
In the meantime you could write management about his behaviour and how it's negatively impacting your life and that of your neighbours through the thin walls at all hours. If they get enough letters or complaints in writing they will have to address it somehow.
Why should you have to move? This isn't on you. I would stay put because your rent is set at a certain rate and if you had to move right now you'll find that the rates are sky high and difficult to meet each month. This situation looks to be a temporary one that will have a resolution soon. There's no way management will put up with him if they've given him a ton of warnings of what is to come.
Also, you could try slipping a letter under his door anonymously indicating that people around him can hear everything from his apartment and that it's affecting people who have had enough and indicate that management has been approached. This might make him think and or tape it to his door in a card. Just make sure he doesn't know you did it. You don't want that happening.
I would wait this out because it looks like he's going to be out of your hair soon and longterm you need to stay put for financial reasons in a place where your rent isn't going to rocket up due to the market.
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Hi,
I´m 22 und im in the 1st year of my master degree.
Over the past year I had several crushes,some of them lasted longer than the other. In high school i had crush on my brother´s best friend (boy). I was in the same class with my brother as we are twins, my crush was in the same class as well. I hated that i was in the same class as my brother because guys in class treated me differently. This crush of mine teased me a lot but in a different way. My classmate told me its because he liked me. I never told him anything because he was my twin brother´s best friend.
After high school, we hung out a couple of times in a group of friends. One time it was without my brother. We were in a car with other friends and he asked me if had a boyfriend. I thought it meant something but I guess not. It was such a random question to ask so maybe he asked it for a reason?
Recently, I texted him on his birthday and we have been texting ever since on and off. We were mainly talking about my brother and I hate that bc its like i dont exist without my brother. I even asked him if he wanna hang out during the weekend and told him to call some other people (except my brother, we dont talk together and apparently my brother is not talking much with my "crush"). He told me he would go but he didnt text me so we didnt go out (I didnt text him to seem needy).
Im just wondering if he ever felt something for me and its killing me bc I want to know if he ever liked me or not no matter what the answer would be. Do you think that maybe he didnt approach me because I was his best friend´s sister? But if he liked me he wouldnt be afraid to approach no matter what right? I mean what if we both wont text each other because of my brother?
I dont know what to do. Do i tell him something or not? I dont wanna ruin anything with him, but I would wanna know how things are. Once I confessed my feeling to a guy and I got rejected. So im kinda reluctant to do it now. I also dont want to be known to him as "his best friend´s sister". Also he told me that he doesnt talk with my brother that much, so it wouldnt be so awkward now.
(link)
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You are at 22-years-old an adult and whether your brother has been friends with him doesn't matter. His relationship with this person and yours can be completely different and that's fine. It doesn't matter how you know the person or were first introduced. It's up to you to decide what to do and isn't your brother's.
If it annoys him which it won't tough shit he has to be an adult and see that you can find your own partner and be happy no matter who it is or if he knew them or not.
Let's face it no matter what people get rejected all the time as part of the dating and relationship game. They also get accepted too a heck of a lot so it goes back and forth and is normal. Obviously, there is something there because most guys and girls for that matter wouldn't be putting a ton of focus on emails, texts and always geting back you fast if they weren't interested because people are busy.
I would text him asking him to meet you in person and that it's something important you want to discuss. When you meet indicate you'll be friends with him no matter what but have recently as well as over the years received mix signals from him and wanted to know if he was interested in dating or just friends?
This is a NORMAL discussion to have with someone and I doubt it will phase him. At the worst he wants to be friends only and at the best you start dating. It's a case of wanting something badly and taking that risk or forever be tormenting yourself with what ifs.
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About 2 years ago, my boyfriend at the time of four years broke up with me because I dropped out of nursing school and saw me as 'unstable'. He basically did me wrong and our breakup never had that closure. All of my friends and family knew what he did to me and they all think he's an asshole. Fast forward present day we both moved on and have new relationships. But a couple days ago, my cousin texted me and said that she saw him at a bar with him and his current gf. Apparently he was drunk and thought he saw me. And he also approached my cousin and kept grabbing her face and pushing her, asking if she hated him (I'm assuming because he knows that everyone close to me know what he did to me). Ever since we've broken up I've always wanted him to one day realize how much of a douche he was and understand how bad he had hurt me. Why do you think he kept asking for validation if my cousin hated him? Do you think he finally grew up and had an enlightenment? (link)
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I'm not sure what he did to you because you didn't say and it doesn't matter really because the answer will always be the same. Your relationship with him is OVER and in the past and you have moved on with your life while he still stays in park and is the miserable SOB and won't ever advance it seems from that mindset.
I wouldn't give him a second thought and would trust your own thinking and that of your family and forget about him. Stay out of bars and if you see him in public go the other way or he harasses you which he's not going to do in either circumstance tell the nearest person and deal with him or call police on your own.
Drunk or not if he grabbed your cousin's face and started shoving her there's bond to be people in the bar as well as staff that saw it happen. She should contact police and file a report that he assaulted her at the bar and they will take care of him so he can't go near her or your family period. She should do this and not back away from it or drop the charge.
You don't need validation of anything from him and face it you don't need an apology either because you'll never get one and frankly don't want it and can't use it. Move on as you have and let your cousin and other people put him in place if need be. It sounds like an isolated incident but she has to send a real message that you can't assault people drunk or not.
The fact he thought she was you and assaulted her in the bar gives me pause. I would tell your family and parents what he did to her and have her file her police report mentioning that he was drunk and thought it was you and assaulted her in the bar instead.
Back up her report and file a restraining order and don't back down after you do to keep him away from you or anyone in your family no matter where he may run into you.
That will convey everything he needs to know but do move on as you have and leave the past in the past and not let it influence this moment or the fucture.
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Hi
This is about my last question. Basically a “friend” from high school told me she is going to study abroad. We haven’t seen each other in a year. She then invited me over to her place but basically we sat there in quiet, she didnt even offered me anything, it was me who brought something for us to eat. Then after 2 hours she indirectly told me to leave.
I then told her we should meet during summer before she leaves. She agreed but basically whenever I would ask her she would tell me she is busy and working. Dont tell me
that even if she is working that she couldnt find 2 hours for me to say goodbye.
You know what, she just posted a picture with classmate from high school (she wasnt close with her as she was close to me) that she is abroad. That means she left to study abroad even without goodbye. She didnt even bother to text me that she is gone.
The whole summer she “didnt have time” to hang out with me. I told her about some of my problems and she helped me. But she did have time to meet up with someone she didnt even know very well.
I texted her about it and she just gave it a seen. So she didnt even bother to respond to me. Please tell me what to do. I really wanna die because she was my last “friend” and i cannot even comprehend the pain im feeling right know. I really wanna die. The fact that she told me nothing and isnt even responding to my message…I just cant anymore. I thought she cared about me.
This was the last thing that kept me away from killing myself. Because I thought she cared about me but she never did and I just wanna die so badly. This was the last knob to my coffin. (link)
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Let's deal with the bigger issue here. If you are thinking of seriously ending your life for any reason whatsoever much less over a lost friendship than something is seriously wrong there that you need to tell somebody and get helped with. That's a mental disturbance and one that you have got to reach out to adults to help you with. Nothing including a friendship that is lost should ever make you even think of doing that.
Secondly, friendships do come and go. Unfortunately, she's being a real snot and ruining something that was good for so long. Her not responding is her way of moving on. Also, it would be extremely difficult for anyone to maintain a relationship despite good intentions even from that far away.
Perhaps you inadvertently said or did something that pissed her off. All you can do one last time is ask her "Did I offend you in some way?" If she doesn't give you a response or the courtesy of telling you what's up forget about her.
She is NOT your last and only friend. You will see that over time you will make tons of new friends. Just be open to that and meeting new people or become more aware of those that may be right under your nose or kids that don't have friends and can use someone like you in their lives.
Also, get support from teachers and school counsellors and work on your social skills, body language or anything that may put people off of you. This will really help you connect with your peers in the future. Be open to everyone and anyone and people will flock to you soon enough.
You should also join clubs at school or sports that reflect your interests. Student council will force you to interact and work with people you wouldn't ordinarily. Improv and drama will help tenfold too.
The bottom line is if you are feeling suicidal tell adults right now (immediately) and why and get help because you clearly need it and have identified that which doesn't seem right with your thinking. I feel you should pile into the car with your parents go directly to an emergency room and tell them no matter how difficult it may be or the fact you don't want to. Have them assess you and give you resources, the right treatment, medication, intervention and support. For your safety they may keep you there until you get better and or only observe you for 72hrs to figure out what is going on mentally. You definitely need helped. I think you're smart enough to see that losing a friend has nothing to do with it but didn't help on top. Also if admitted to a ward it's temporary until you are well again and is essential so you get rest and opportunity to get well. You will still see your family but people will be keeping you safe from harming yourself. That's an important thing you need to do to be well. I hope you will take this extremely serious and get immediate support. You may not be able to see there's an issue here or that you have one that needs immediate attention but I have seen time and again that it's incredibly wise if feeling anything like you told us to tell adults and have them deal head on with you about this.
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How do i give my self a bruise no makeup and quickly no makeup and also i wanna know how to cut my eyebrow and leave a scar in the most painless way i wanna know pls answer 🙏🙂 (link)
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Why would you want to do such a thing anyway? Perhaps you should see a doctor about these thoughts because this is not normal behaviour nor thinking. Furthermore, this site is not for this kind of request and none of the counsellors here will provide any kind of response nor advice for what you are asking about. In other words get help and move on.
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No long intro, Im 22 (female) and he is 18.
We both met/got to know each other in february. I met him online and we have pretty much the same friend group. We were always kinda attracted to each other and on 29th of june he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes.
We couldnt meet up in august, which made me overthink a lot. I knew he had A LOT of work. He would basically work all day because he got 3 jobs at the same time. The only time he had was on sundays but he needs some time for himself as well, so I respected that. We still played games together, or watches tv shows.
Yesterday we had this conversation about how he is scared that I will lose interest and leave him. Im in love with him and would in almost every scenario work things out rather than to break up. I explained that he might be projecting but he denied it. He doesnt want me to see him with his hair undone because hes afraid that I might not like it?
Hes also mentioned that he has no guarantee that im gonna be forever on his side, so hes scared and doesnt know how to act.
I stopped turning on my facecam for him when we talk nor did I ask him out recently to do something together. He always sees me play with other people.
MY QUESTION now is: Am I overthinking or does he want to give us slowly up? I dont need a guarantee to work on this relationship but he on the other side needs some sort of idk... confirmation which I obviously cant give him.
He got betrayed a lot in his life, so I understand his struggles. I will always support him no matter what though.
im just really confused
thank you for reading. (link)
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A person needs to love themselves for who they are before they can love another person. The relationship he has with himself is what is flawed here and unless he overcomes his insecurities he is forever going to find himself in failed relationships and with partners who will have a difficult time being with him for long.
You have been extremely patient and done all you can do to make him feel secure and have been genuine about wanting to be with him etc etc. and wanting to help him overcome this but it's like pushing a car up a mountain. It's going to fall on you. You likely are setting yourself up to be crushed by him if you stick with him.
You can still be a friend but not a lover and do what you can to help him learn how to appreciate himself and let him know that even as a friend you can still help him work on himself but that he has to work with you and people in his life to fix this too and do some lifting.
I would sit down with him and tell him that he doesn't have to impress anyone and needs to be who he is. I would recommend that he talk with a school counsellor or therapist to work on all of these issues professionally so he can move forward in life and not be afraid of his own shadow. What I'm getting at is that you can be as supportive as you are now without being his girlfriend. That's not ditching him. Support him no matter what and love him as a person but don't get into a boy/girl relationship with him because it will fail because he's not ready for you or anyone else on a boyfriend/girlfriend deal.
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Hi,
so over the last 3 years I´ve lost almost all of my friends bc they were toxic and the friendships drained me and were one-sided. I held onto them for so long and tried to save them but I just couldnt anymore bc I knew these "friends" didnt really care about me. They were mostly friends from high school but i after i left high school i learned they werent really my friends bc of how they treated me.
I kind of have only one friend left but I dont know what to think about her and I dont know really if she is my friend or im just trying to hold onto one last person before i can officialy say im a loser and letting loneliness take over me.
She is good person, she helps me and listens to me when i tell her about my problems. But when we hang out its always only for 2 hours bc she always has to go somewhere.
She invited me to her place at the beginning of July but i didnt feel welcomed, she didnt offer me food or anything and i brought some food and she was suprised when she saw it. I left after 2.5 hours bc "she didnt feel good" but told me she was out with friend beforehand that day. I dont why she even invited me bc clearly she dindt want me there.
When I was leaving I told her we should totally meet before she leaves (she is going to another city that is really far to study at this private college). She said yes. Then at the end of July I texted her that we should go on trip somewhere. She told me it sounds amazing but she didnt know when would that happen bc she is working.
Its almost September and we still didnt go or hang out bc she is extremely busy. Today I saw her posting photos from Vienna, which is 7 hours from the city where we live but when I asked her to hang out about week ago, she told me she couldnt.
I dont know what to think. I dont know if she is gonna meet up with me before she goes away. I mean I dont believe she is so busy and working all the time that she cant make time for me. She even agreed to go on trip with me, which i doubt will ever happen. I dont know if she is really my friend or what. If she leaves before saying goodbye she will break my heart and I will know for sure she doesnt care about me.
I just feel like an idiot trying to hang out with her when she clearly doesnt want or "cant".
Please, help me :/ I dont know what to do, she is my last friend and I dont wanna lose her. I dont know if I should try and save this friendship or save myself from wondering and just accept the fact she isnt my friend anymore bc Im sick of one-sided friendships.
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First of all you aren't a loser and couldn't be one if you tried. I think wha we really have to figure out is why all your friendships have been one-sided. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with you but perhaps people are seeing you aren't confident or don't value yourself as you should and it turns them off or they don't know how to deal.
I think what you should do is find a therapist to talk to about this or a school counsellor and really get to the bottom of it and get resources and help on your social game so you can meet people you really connect with which I know you can achieve. That would be the best thing you could do.
You're also very smart to know what it is you don't want and not to allow people to act like they are friends and then treat you like crap when you aren't around. Those kind of people are good to get rid of if they truly have drained your energy.
As for the girl you have mentioned I doubt she hates you or doesn't want to include you. I think it's the opposite because she has invited you places and has hung out but she doesn't get why you're not as outgoing as she hoped.
The other thing about always being busy may be true. She may have all her time booked up and wanting to do things with you and others but often has her time decided for her. I think she may indeed want to go on that road trip with you. Just ask. Talk to her about your feelings and how making and keeping friends is so hard and that you think she's worth getting to know and vice-versa if you stick together.
In the event she doesn't become a friend it's okay because once you get your social skills up and learn why your friendships have been one sided that you will eventually meet the right people and click with them. One reason you may have trouble is because you're an intellectual and quiet and most kids aren't and that's okay. It's better in a lot of respects.
One thing you can do is take drama courses or improv at school or parks and rec once COVID restrictions are limited because it forces you to work together with and get to know people you ordinarily might not connect with otherwise who could make great friends. Student council and clubs with people who reflect your interests is a great place to find friends. Don't be so hard on yourself things will click eventually and likely sooner than you think if you want to put the work in and work on social skills and making proper connections and body language and confidence etc.
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How can I befriend someone who doesn’t know there worth and would rather be around phony people?
I have no idea where to start with this so I’ll just start from where it all went up in flames…the pandemic. I was in ninth grade when we first got quarantined and i had or was building a bond with someone who I felt was worthy enough to become the closest with but then a new school year started and I went completely online, the only times we saw each other was at testing(the only days where I was required to show up to school in person)and at that point I had no way of reaching out to her and cherishing what was left of what was being built before the interruption. So when I started my junior year 2 weeks ago I was excited to come back to in person school and become friends with her all over again until I noticed a few things about her that would complicate building a friendship again. So back at the beginning of the pandemic I started to realize that a few of these girls that I would associate with pre-quarantine should be cut off completely because they had bad traits that I would be damned to surround myself with again, and so I did just that. But what I didn’t know when I went back to school is that the person I wanted to become friends with again must’ve become closer to the worser one of the bunch, I mean that’s what I get from watching the way they interact. Here’s my problem with that, the people she surrounds herself with are horrible to her they make jokes about her when she leaves the room or isn’t around, talk about her appearance or clothes, and constantly upset her but she continues to brush it off and be super nice and forgiving to them. On the other hand, I see myself to be one of the most genuine people who wants the best for her but she won’t initiate conversation with me as she does with them, she literally walked right past me to sit with them just the other day it’s like I’m suddenly invisible to her, am I supposed to extend myself to her or do you think she would’ve already initiated a conversation with me if she wanted to? I want this to work so she can at least have one genuine ally, it’s clear to me she has some issues surrounding self worth but she doesn’t deserve this😕 (link)
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I would send out an e-mail to her or go up to her in the hall or at lunch and ask her if she would mind having lunch with you alone some time because you have something important to discuss that you feel she should know about that you want confidential. Most people would be receptive about that. You need to do this when she's not around the others though.
She may not have any idea what people are saying behind her back and their actions. It's a kind thing to point it out and could build a friendship if you honestly tell her exactly what you know. You can't chose her friends as that is always up to her but you can choose not to be judgmental over whom or what she chooses.
I think if you tell her straight up that you value her and want her to be your friend that this will go a long way. You should talk about her true value and that if she chooses that she shouldn't gravitate to people just to fit in who are being awful towards her. Let her make her own conclusions and know your intentions.
She has to determine who is genuine and who isn't on her own but you have to show and not tell someone that you are genuine but consistently demonstrating that you are without overdoing it or acting fake. If you ooze this naturally and without any effort she will see she has someone there worth knowing. Do your part and tell her what you have seen and heard and let the chips fall where they may. She's owed that.
In the event she doesn't want to have lunch consider telling her what you know by phone or a written message (email but be prepared that this option is an absolute last result that may come with the consequence of pissing people you're telling about off or even her. It really is something that needs to be done face to face or it potentially could blow up in your face if done informally. It's a catch 22 but in reality the only decent thing you should do and owe it to yourself and her to divulge exactly what you have observed as a heads up. Take on telling her to her face first and if that fails try this method.
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Does that mean all the suffering I've faced is now invalid because he has adhd?Are my feelings now just not justified because of his adhd?What can I do to help him?By the way he doesnt know that I know of his adhd.
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While he may have that infliction and it can cause him to act out it's a cop out if they think it justifies every instance of bad behaviour or hurting other people physically or emotionally. There has to be some kind of ownership there. Your feelings are justified and should be communicated to the individual that what they have done is NOT okay and has nothing to do with their disease.
I'm not sure if you can HELP him but you can have empathy and be supportive and know that this doesn't define who he is. It's a part of him but there's way more to a person than just what they suffer from and have a hard time controlling.
They may not want people to know despite the condition being readily apparent to others. You need to tell the person you understand this but had been told by others and to relate what you told us and tell him you support him but certain behaviour can be justified and others cannot.
If his condition isn't being treated and he needs medication speak out about it to his family and to him to get that support. It's not up to you to get it for him but rather to draw attention with the people who count in his life that something is seriously wrong and needs to be addressed. A lot of people won't like hearing the truth about their children but it needs to be said if the situation is wildly out of control and seriously affecting his life and that of everyone around him.
Perhaps voicing what you know to a teacher, school counselor etc in confidence will have them see what's going on and know how to address his problem and make sure he gets resources and help with never invoking your name.
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I can't tell if this guy I like is flirting, or being friendly, or if he was just tired at the time. The reason why I think he's flirting is because he said things like "My are you a lovely yet deadly little rose," and "Awh that's adorable" and gave me those suggestive emoji-things.
He has flirted with me before, and it has looked like this every time. Yet he has also told me that he's weird and "annoying" when he's tired. This seems to be the actions he takes when exhausted. (And it was early for him at the time.) Is he just like this though?
I'm stuck, because I automatically reciprocate, and I don't know if I should. I have no idea what to do in this situation, especially when he's told me that we can't do anything because he's six hours ahead.
I'm actually very much in love with him, not lying, and I don't know if I should hold onto hope or not. I deal with the time difference very easily and don't understand what the problem is. I'm really anxious about it… (link)
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Maybe I'm reading this wrong but it sounds to me based on how your question is worded that you don't know this person in real life. I'm getting that idea based on what you are saying about a 6hr time difference and weird emojis and comments and suggestive texts. This sounds like it could have the potential to be dangerous.
Nobody should be flirting with you or acting "weird" online to the point you are uncomfortable and questioning actions. This person may not be who you think they are. If you don't know him and have zero connection except over the Internet I would definitely tell your parents about it and stop responding to the person altogether.
If I misread your question and you actually know the person and they moved somewhere or are for the time being away somewhere that is 6hrs different in time zone then that's different and you should when they return home see what unfolds. Like I said, if you don't know this person, never met them and its and Internet forum or emails let people you trust know exactly what is being said and archive it.
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I am 19 years old and I am a female my partner Is also 19 years and we loved each other. I and my boyfriend had been dating for a while now. Until one day we did sex . Then I moved away from him to go further my studies . One day he video call me to show him my viganal part in the phone . The problem with me I have never seen such things before nor showing it but once I told him that he was like are you shy of me ? Why are you shy if I had slept with you already?? What should I do?? Should I show it to him? And the time when am going to be with him is very far and he might think am ignoring him. I need advice please. (link)
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It's illegal to do this if the person on the other end can and does distribute it to others just so you are aware. It can lead to big trouble especially if this person breaks up with you or starts showing it to others without your knowledge. You may be an adult however, if you were any younger it would also be illegal because it would involve a minor.
Doing this is about the dumbest thing you could ever do. I would be weary of this guy and his request. You need to tell him that this isn't going to ever happen and do not feel like he should have asked and get a sense of what his motives are. You might want to move on from him too. Anyone that puts you in a position that is highly inappropriate or makes you feel icky is one to avoid. You need to put him in his place at the very least.
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