SmoothKalyn414's advice column

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Q: There was a guy that went to my school that was my age and seemed to have a good, normal life... I mean, he had friends, girlfriends, good grades, played sports... and I just found out like twenty minutes ago that tonight he killed himself. I had only talked to him once ever. I just don't know how to feel right now. I don't know how to help my friends deal with this... I don't know much because there hasn't been anything on the news yet because it happened just a few hours ago. I guess I am just looking for words of advice, or experience... thank you, everybody.

My friend committed suicide my junior year of High School and it was the worst feeling ever imaginable. Like your friend, he seemed to love life and was normal. But after receiving the news, I got this numb feeling. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it, really... I just wanted to be alone and deal with things on my own terms. A lot of people deal with grief differently. Just tell your friends that you're there for them and that will mean a lot! :)

My condolences... :)

Q: i'm gonna start off by saying i'm NOT a whore
me and my boyfriend have been going out for over 9 months and he's fingered me once and we makeout alot thats about it ;; i kinda would like some more "exitement" and i give him handjobs all the time and was even thinking of giving him head (even tho i have NOO IDEA WHAT TO DO!) and maybe even sex.. i've given him alot of time and i dont wanna like push him but do you think i should say something to him.. if so what?

btw he's one year younger then me
do you think that has much of an affect on it?

If you push him into something he doesn't want to do, both of you will have a bad experience with it. And you might regret losing something valuable to you in an invaluable way.

Q: Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now and he's very good to me. The only problem is...a little while before we met he hooked up with this girl that I really dislike. They had a friends with benefits arrangement going on for a while and worked together, but fortunately no longer speak. One of the first times I hung out with him before we started dating they were cuddling, and I think this may have impacted my impression of him. She was still calling even after we started dating. She's gone now, but I can't stop thinking about the things they did together and it disgusts me because I'm very morally opposed to that kind of thing. I really want to just put it behind me and move on but it seems I can't, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think I know what you mean... it's like you can't help but feeling as if you're dating used goods. Unfortunately, there is always a chance of running into and being attracted to people with different backgrounds and moral beliefs. And sometimes, we might end up dating people who've been around the block longer than we have. That's love for you... and sometimes it's better to buy the new Ford Taurus than it is to buy the Used Mitsubishi Eclipse.

But ask yourself if these are qualities and differences you can live with. If they are, great... but if they aren't, and evidently they aren't becuase you dislike the girl he hooked up with... talk to him and tell him what's on your mind. You've been dating him for a while... so I'm sure he'll listen. If not, then find a guy who cares about your feelings :)

Or at least a used Mitsubishi Eclipse with not as many owners ;)

Q: I have never been made fun of in my entire life. I am pretty popular, and am I what I would consider very nice. Well, recently, this girl, Alyise, decided it would be funny if she sort of made fun of me. I am shocked and rather pissed, since this is the 1st time I have gotten like jabbed at. It's not like I want to be friends with her, but I would really like her to stop. I don't want to look bitchy, or super sensitive, which I am, but don't really show it all the time. I don't know why she would do this, since I have never really talked to her or anything. What should I do?

As shocking as this would sound to any of my friends in college and high school, I was bullied from 6th grade to 9th grade. I had a lot of friends growing up, and I guess you would say I was kinda popular, but there was this one girl who ALWAYS had something to say about me.

And believe me, I tried everything to make her stop, from cussing her out to even giving her a Christmas card. Nothing worked!

Like your situation, I never really talked to this girl either. But how I got her back was easy, plain and simple. I didn't do anything or say anything else to her. I stayed away from everything and everyone associated with her, and it worked! She eventually found another target, and it put my mind at ease.

More than likely, she is nothing but jealous of you. Jealous people are everywhere, even in college. And sometimes you just have to smile and feel sorry for them :)Keep your head high, and don't listen to a word she says

Q: Okay so my friend Jake is running for president, and he asked me to help think of a slogan that was funny, good, deep, and wasn't a spin'off of his last name(Cheriff) could anyone give me some ideas?

When I was in grade school, I LOVED elections. I always had to help with campaigns and even run for things myself.

(My 11th grade year in 2003, my slogan was you'd be smooth sailin' with Kalyn... and I won!)

Anyway, since your friend doesn't want a slogan with his name, you might want to go with an alternative approach.

How about something to the effect of

I pity da fool who doesn't vote for Jake! And have Mr. T "endorse" him.

Or do something Baywatch related and do something with the theme song... Jake will be ready, never you fear... and have David Hasselhoff on the posters.

Or... Jake will make 08 great. I know it's a play of his name, but I couldn't help putting it up.

If you need anything else, let me know :)

Q: I have this teacher who I had last year, and now I have her again. And for some reason she's never liked me. I have no idea why, because teachers usually LOVE me... I'm a really good student, respectful, don't goof around, etc. But this teacher is always so mean to me and she keeps making nasty remarks. Like today was "hat day"... so I come into class wearing a hat, like everyone else, and the teacher says (in a mean voice), "ooooh, you think you look so cute, don't you?" And the other day I got a note during her class to leave early for a student council meeting, and she says to the class, "Well, EMILY has to leave now because SHE'S special!" It really hurts my feelings and embarrasses me and I don't know what to do. If I say something it will just make her hate me more, right? Is there anything I can do, or should I just try to ignore it?

You remind me a lot of how I used to be in grade school. I'm actually still the same way in college. I'm in Student Government and really involved on campus.

Like you, I absolutely HATE it when teachers pick on me or single me out. It is embarrassing and hurtful, I agree. But perhaps the teacher just wants to have fun or joke around with you... she might not realize the tone she is directing towards you.

Next time you have an Student Council meeting, if she says something about you being special, reply with a "But of course I am" or something to that effect with a smile/laugh. See her reaction. Is it a smile? Then she just wants to have fun.

I had a problem with one of my professors last year, and just saying things back to her in a humorous manner in class or going to her office to share a joke really helped her change her opinion of me.

Another thing to do is to tell her how you feel. Hey, it couldn't hurt, right?

Q: im 17/fem, and in my sophmore year of highschool. so last year, there was this nice, but really flirty teacher in my school who did something incredibly uncomfortable [for me] one time. he actually did three things, all in the same day. we were just sitting around in his classroom and he decides to sit next to me, so he sorta pushes my leg/thigh over. i ignore it. A while later, while looking towards another direction, he runs his hand from my knees down to where my leg joins the hip. i simply hop off the desk and walk away, and ignore it. then one of my classmates decides to take a picture and he gets next to me and hugs me by the waist and holds me tighter. i know he was probably taking advantage of it being the last day of the schoolyear, but teachers just aren't supposed to do that. when i told my friend, she said he had done the last one to her too, but of course, i ignored it. Well this year, i got the same bad vibe from another teacher when he sort of touched me the wrong way, and its tormenting me. i dont want to get anyone in trouble, so im not telling on them, but what should i do to distract myself from thinking about this?

This is why I NEVER sit close to a teacher. Teachers like this casanova believe that they are invisible. He must be close to getting tenure, or really REALLY stupid. Report this to your parents, the police, or whoever you trust.

I know you don't want to get anyone in trouble, but look at what it is doing to you emotionally and physically?

Q: I really feel like I'm going crazy. Two years ago when I was 12 everything was great. I had great friends and boyfriends or guys that liked me. Now, I'm really upset because I've lost my friends and guys don't like me. Anyways i'm really sad and I have a problem that's making me lose my freaking mind. seriously it is. Okay so I like this guy a lot. He doesn't like me anymore. But his friend likes me alot. I don't like his friend. Anyways the dude I like says im verry annoying and sometimes he's just plain mean to me. I don't know why either. I'm losing my mind thinking of all the reasons to why he hates me. I really like him though. A lot! More than what I've ever liked anyone. I'm just sick of not having guys that like me. I'm not ugly or fat. does anyone have any advice? thanks in advance....

You are a late bloomer. Plain and simple. I had a hard time when I was 11, 12, 13. I went through my ugly stage... I always had friends, but I was always the "friend," never the girlfriend. But when I hit 15, everything changed. I started feeling more confident and people (guys especially) wanted to talk and hang out. It's not that I was never shy, just unsure of who I was.

By the way, date guys who want to date you. If you end up not liking them, you can always break it off. I have never been dumped and I'm 20!

Q: 16/f i've been really horny lateley, and i was thinking about masterbating last night. but when i tried to slip my finger into there. it hurt really bad. i never dont it before. any tips?
thanks

Just don't do it at all. If it hurts, then don't do it. DUH.

Find more things to do to take your mind off sex and masturbation, like swimming, reading, running, talking to your friends, etc.