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February 26, 2009Answers:
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about
Hey i'm 17, i'm here because i've found myself needing help from an outsider too. so i want to do what i can to help all of you. because sometimes its nice to have an outsiders perspective. i wont judge, and i'll respond to questions asap. i'm very straight forward and honest in my answers. i understand that everyone needs someone to listen to them or help them. i've been there, so i'd love help anyone who's in a tough spot or just needs a friend. i love to talk, so hit me up and i'll do what i can to help you with your problems. be open in your questions, i promise they will be kept confidential =]good luck to everyone out there.
advice
(16/f)
About a month ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. We were together for about four months, and it really hurt me when it ended. I was super upset about it, but figured I'd feel better eventually.
Like I said, it's been a month and I'm not feeling any better. I haven't talked to him much (because I want to give him some space), but it's really eating away at me and I feel like I have to do SOMETHING, because I miss my ex boyfriend SO much.
Should I talk to him about it? I was thinking of writing him a note and giving it to him (we have a class together), is that a horrible idea?
Any help is really appreciated =/
although the other advice given was good... i disagree. honestly if you sit him down and talk to him, he'll most likely look at it as if you are clingy. and guys dont like clingy. you're doing the right thing in giving him space, that gives his mind some room to wonder if you miss him, wonder if your still sad.. etc. guys dont want to have the girl completely figured out. thats to easy, and it takes the fun away. they like it when you kind of leave them guessing. so for now, act as tho you're ok with things, that you're happy. spend more time with your friends. the key to getting over a relationship is keeping yourself BUSY! and get rid of anything that reminds you of him! hope this helps!
18- female
how can i cope with DISLIKING VERY MUCH, my good guy friend (bens) girlfriend taylor? i pretty much don't like her, because i'm jealous of her. she's been with him for almost three years now. one of my friends is neighbors with ben and EVERYTIME i went to hangout there i saw taylor's car at bens which killed me to see. my friend plays hockey with ben and so when i go to watch i always have to see taylor and i hate it. i think she's pretty too which makes everything worse, shes an athletic all-star and a very popular girl which doesnt make things easier. its awkward when someone brings her up in front of me and ben because we have alot of memories together and he's tried to "get with me" which explains why they went on a break, got back together, broke up and told me they were done but still hangout because their still close but i still see her car over there all the time and at one of the hockey games i heard one of her friends say "your boy ben" so i'm guessing their back together GR! i can't stand it anymore. i feel sort of bad that i dont like her AT ALL because really, she hasn't done anything to me. it's not like i want to be friends with her but i'm just sooo annoyed with her because she has ben. i never get to see him anymore. we use to call each other best friends but now i'm lucky if i get to see him once a month. is there anything i can do? everytime i see taylor i get so sad because i start thinking about ben..
so you deffinately have some feelings for ben.. and its extra hard when there's another girl involved with him... so right now there's not alot you can do about it. i suppose you could tell him how you really feel about him. but in doing so, you have to make sure not to give him the idea that it's HIS decision (to be with you..etc.) because as soon as you give him the power, things will only get worse. as much as you can right now, just try to be his friend. you need to make sure he's comfortable talking to you. u cant give him the impression that you hate this taylor girl, because then he wont openly talk to you about her. and if he's able to talk to you about her you may be able to figure out the things he likes about her and the things he doesnt like about her.. this could help u ;] catch my drift?
so for now, just become close friends again and maybe he'll realize that you're the one he really wants.. not her. i dunno, try it out =]. hope this helps. feel free to drop me a question
This is a long long story/dilemma. So brace yourselves.
Okay, so a while back, I went out with guy A but we broke up. We broke up because of guy B. B and A used to be best friends until they both liked the same girl and B got the girl. That girl wasn't me.
So while be and A were going out, i was still friends with B and that was part of the reason me and A broke up, he was jealous of B and didn't want the same thing to happen again. before, i thought me and B would never happen..but ever since the break up, me and B have been hanging out a lot and i've just felt so......relaxed with him around. him and I are really good friends and just recently, he told me that he had feelings for me. of course, i felt an attraction too and had feelings for B as well..but under the circumstances, i think that wouldn't be a great idea as........it would definitely be uncool to A even though we broke up already and i sorta hate his guts.
also, ever since the break up with A, me and B were best friends and i told him about my new emerging guy stories. guy C was in my class and i liked him a lot.....and B knows that. me and C spent some time together and i found that he's really charming and funny as well........and i can tell that he's starting to be into me as he is now calling and texting me often.
brace yourself, there's another guy.
guy D..a good friend of my girl friend has just started texting me and we have been texting back and forth..he's really cute and funny but i've never actually met him. D seems like a really cool person and i know it's not anything fake as he is a friend of my close girlfriend and i know she would "approve" of him before introducing us.
so, i'm really really in a dilemma.
guy A is totally out of the picture.
guy B is like my best friend. he knows a lot about me and makes me feel happy but if he and i were to date, it would cause a lot of unnecessary drama with guy A
guy C is in one of my classes and we've just begun to get to know eachother and he's very very funny and cute and is into me.
guy D is.....still a little bit of a mystery but the way that he talks.......just hooks me yenno?
so..i'm kinda stuck. help!
WOW. haha.. well the best i can do for you is tell you about my experience..
k so there are four guys, well one is out of the picture.. k well last i really liked this guy, he had been my best friend for a couple years.. i was really attracted to him..and finally he told me that he really liked me. i was sooooooo happy i could hardly contain myself..
then it was summer, we talked every night.. i was so happy and couldn't wait for school to start. august rolled around, and school was back. i will never forget that first day of school... when i was told by one of my friends that he had a thing with one of my friends.. i wanted to cry, slap, scream at him.. i was so angry and hurt.
long story short he went back and forth between us all year long. i allowed it, and that's my biggest regret. if i was put in that same situation i would tell off the guy and walk away. i deserved more than to be treated like second best.
the whole thing was a MESS. it ruined my year... it really did.
so my advice for you is to be EXTREMELY CAREFUL! these guys have feelings too, and shouldnt be treated like this. think about it this way.. put yourself in their position.. would you like some guy that you really liked, picking between you and your friends? it would hurt :(
right now i dont know if a relationship with any of these guys is a good idea, because it sounds like you dont even know what you want. so give it sometime and dont "pick" any of them.. because you'll leave the other 3, hurt and upset.
and as far as your guy B... i think he's the one out of all of them that truly likes you and isnt just messing with you. my guess is he doesnt mind you calling him just your best friend because he feels closer to you with that title. he feels like he's maybe ahead of the rest. but he really cares about you. so dont hurt him. because then you wont just lose a guy... you'll lose your best friend. i'm talking from experience.. this guy i had, was my best friend... after everything, we dont even talk.. i miss him so much, but there's nothing i can do.
so stay strong, and remember that these guys have feelings too and dont just play with them.
you must be a pretty girl, u got so many guys after you! so good luck, if you need more help just ask ;]
There is this guy that I really like a lot. The thing is i've never met him. He lives a state over. Anyway I told my friend that I really liked him, and i'd talk about him and how great he really is. Well when I showed my friend his picture, she wanted to talk to him. So they started talking, she has nick names for him, they talk more than him and I do. I just don't get it, she flirts with him all the time, everytime they talk. She says that's just how she is with guys. Also she has a boyfriend. So i've pretty much hit rock bottom with what happened tonight. They were talking and she told me what part of what they were saying because it was funny. She said he needs to go to bed, and he said she needs to go to bed, then she said alright father, and he said i'd rather be your mother. At first she didnt get it either until she thought about it, and then she got what he was saying. He said that because the other night when they were talking he said something about being her mother and spanking her all the way to her bed or something. When she told me about that, I almost just broke down. She does that all the time. She talks to him and flirts with him and then reads me what their saying. I just can't understand any of it. She didnt want to talk to him until she saw his picture. I mean she knew that I liked him a lot and yet she still just flirts with him right in front of me or reads me their conversation. I guess what I wanted to know is, what do I do about this? Do I just forget about him, and move on? Do I...gosh I dont even know what I should do. He really is such a great guy. I just can't stand the fact that my best friend does this. She flirts with every guy she talks to whether she knows I like them or not, she even flirts with other guys in front of her boyfriend. And one time when we were at the movies I saw a really cute guy and I just wanted to point out that he was cute and she just says yeah he was staring at me. I just..I dont know what to do. She's my best friend really my only friend. Please just tell me what you think about all of this, and what you would do, or some things that ou could do in this situation. Any answers are greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
well it sounds like she is VERY insecure. The reason she flirts with all these guys is because makes her feel desirable, and wanted. in a a way it validates her. as far as this particular guy goes, your "friend" really stepped over the line. the sad part is is she doesnt even realize what her actions are doing to you. the thing is, anyway you try to talk to her about it, she's just going to get defensive and deny it. so if i were you i'd let this guy go. because even in his flirting style he has no depth. why would you want a bf who used to talk to your bff in that way?. you want a guy who gives all women respect. so let this one go.. and the next guy you like, maybe dont tell your bff ;]. i hope this helps in any way!.. good luck. if you have anymore questions feel free to ask me =]
Ok im 18 and i have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now.In the begginning things were so great, he was everything i could ever ask for. He told me he loved me, and its not a word he just throws around, and he talked about wanting to get a place with me blah blah, perfectness.Then he got laid off his job and had to move back with his parents. Things have changed drastically, he is always so stressed out and mad. he cant get a job (we live in a small town) and he doesn't care about ANYTGING anymore. i have been so unhappy for like a month now,crying so much. he doesn't say i love you, he said he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship that he's not ready for that again(he was with his ex for 3 years, they broke up like a year ago) that he just wants to take it day by day. and also he possibly wants to move to utah...without me to live with his best friend because ha has nothing going for him out here! I am so scared of losing him, because i truley care about him so much and he does care about me too. i am trying so hard to make this work, and he is putting in no effort! i honestly dont now what to do? i cant just back away from it.Because he does want to be with me. i need advice!
k so i while i was reading, i kept remembering a previous relationship i was in.. one where things seemed perfect in the beginning.. then one thing after another happened and suddenly things weren't so perfect anymore.
honestly the way he's acting right now is inexcusable. whether or not life is hard, he needs to realize he cant take it all out on you. i know you say he cares about you, and I'm sure he does.. but nothing he's doing right now is showing it. his behavior screams that he's not ready for a serious relationship, or any kind for that matter.
even though leaving the relationship seems like the hardest thing to, i honestly believe it would be best. because you deserve more than to sit around with a bitchy bf, who out right tells you he's not sure he even wants to live where you are anymore. you have to ask yourself if you really want to cry every night, wonder what he's going to do, wonder if he still loves you..etc..
his behaivor is all signs that he doesn't know what he wants. and you cant be in a healthy relationship if all he's doing is coasting.
lastly, you need to wake him up a little. right now he knows your not going anywhere, so he's basically doing and saying whatever he pleases knowing that he basically has you, and you'll never just walk away. trust me as soon as you show him your not afraid of losing him, HE'LL start to be scared of losing YOU. ... hope this helps. good luck!!! stay STRONG!