I'm a 38 year old psychologist living in Nashville, Tennessee. Until shortly over a year ago, I hosted a radio/tv talk show. At the moment, I'm amid plans to start a new one called, " One Man's Opinion". It's a radio show FOR women, ABOUT men, BY a man.
Seeing that alot of issues are age-related, please state your age when posing a question.
E-mail: cmclinphd@hotmail.com
Gender: Male
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Occupation: Psychologist
Age: 38
Member Since: November 30, 2003
Answers: 349
Last Update: September 15, 2009
Visitors: 28386
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
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my boyfriend sometimes says that im too quiet and when he tells me to talk i dont know what to talk about and when i tell him to talk he says no because im the one thats supposed to talk.....what should i talk to him about?
(link)
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That's stupid...noone is SUPPOSED to talk. If he truly cares for you, then he'll understand that the gift of fluent conversation is not something that comes easy for you. Instead of attempting to force you to an uncomfortable diatribe, he'll take his time, find out if there's anything that makes it easier for you and try to show you that you can be truly comfortable around him.
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I am a quiter how can i prevent it. (link)
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Start stopping quitting.
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I wanna be what i feel like being! But if people start rejecting me, my life will be horrible I wanna be a punk is that a bad choice? I already aske dmy mom she seems fine with it. .and well I want that change! but should I not do it, 4 my friends? (link)
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Well, if you stifle the urge to explore what it is you think you want, you'll only end up bitter and resentful. And if I'm not mistaken, that's not the type of friend anyone would want to have.
So go ahead. Hell, talk it over with your friends, first. You MAY find that they probably care less about it than you think they do and will offer more support than you ever imagined.
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OK so here's what happened this weekend...
Friday; after work Jon came up to me and told me (with beautiful eloquence) that he fancied me.
Saturday; I went to meet him after work to talk to him.I was sufficiently confused that he guilt-tripped me into saying that I liked him back and getting his mobile no. etc.
Sunday; he asked me to meet him and we spent a couple of hours in town talking.
Monday;he asked me to meet him (again) and I said I had to much work to do.
Today; I will be seeing him and would like YOUR advice as to how to let him down.
He is a very sweet person but I don't like him enough to want to go out with him especially with the complication of working together.
HELP!
(link)
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" You know, Jon, I'm really flattered that you think enough of me to want to spend so much time with me. But, I really feel that it's going somewhere that I'm really not comfortable with. I do think a great deal of you, but I can't see this as going any further than a friendship and was wondering YOUR thoughts on the subject."
This does a few things:
1. Because of his unwillingness to look like a desperate fool, he'll agree with you. Letting you off of the hook.
2. It prevents you from being the "bitch" since, in essence, he AGREED with you ;)
3. It prevents him from trying to change your mind because he thinks it will make him look as if he's begging and he dare not risk that bit of information cascading through the workplace.
All in all, getting him to agree only serves to benefit BOTH of you...and diplomatically, of course.
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I only considered him as a friend, nothing really more than that! (link)
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Then I would suggest that you seriously consider the origin of your feelings. Feel free to use my personal e mail if you wanted to discuss this a bit more in detail.
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Okay,
So I think most of you know about my ex-boyfriend issue. And my last questions subject was "ex-boyfriend gone mad" Well, I have a NEW and better BF, and I told my parents and they talked to my ex-boyfriends parents and sorted everything out, kinda. But now I never get to see my ex-boyfriend. And I'm not crying about it either. But I DO see him in my dreams, and I don't know why! In my dreams he acts like he use to act when we wasn't abusive and lieing. In my dreams he acts like the person that I use to like. But then, toward the end of my dream there's this voice that says to me that he's no longer like that person. And I no that, so why and I having dreams about him?? I need your advice!
Sincerely,
Dream (link)
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Becuase on some level, you still feel he's the one for you. Your mind is working on that and showing you all of the good things about him, trying to convince you of that. But, listen to the voice at the end. That's the only right thing I've heard about the dream so far. And remember, the only time you see him acting decently is in a dream which is all your idea of him is.
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I am tooo shy I swear. . !!! I really like this guy, but whenever I'm around him I get so nervouse and dontt alk I just sit there! He got mad at me once, because we were doign somethign and I wouldn't sya anything, but when he left I was talking up a storm, taking control! it was like he was soo hott, and Uggh! I don't know what to do. . I'm not sure if he likes me, but I caught him staring at me. . But that doesnt mean he likes me right?? I want to ask him out so badly, but I'm afraid he doesnt like me and I am just too nervous to ask him myself!!!
What I'm trying to ask is, Why am I so nervous around him, and why don't I have the guts to go up to him and tell him that I love him and I really want to go out with him?"
*Sorry about typos* . .if there are any!!! lol (link)
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Of course he likes you. That's why he got mad when you wouldn't say anything. He's looking for signs that you like him, too! And when you're that quiet, you're not giving him any!
You're nervous because until you had someone else to tell you what you already knew ( he likes you ), you were afraid of putting yourself on the line and being rejected. Guess what? It's going to happen sometime in life. Even if he rejects you, you'll move on. But...I wouldn't recommend you telling him you LOVE him, yet.
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How can make myself to seem mysterious in front of guys and not so easy. (link)
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Don't seem to eager and volunteer so much information. Make them ask questions about you and when they do, try not to answer them directly. Give them just enough to wonder more. And, if you're the same one that wrote earlier...how's the list coming? ;)
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Okay i like this girl a whole lot but i am to afraid to talk to her becuase i got helled back this year so now she's in eighth grade and i'm in seventh so should i still talk to her (link)
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Of course. If she likes you, she;ll like you regardless. Hell, if she REALLY likes you, she MAY do whatever she feel she can to help you along in future matters of academia.
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hey, listen, i have a bad problem with dating guys. i mean evrytime i go out with a guy i end up finding out his using me after i really fall for them too. how can i prevent myself from looking so easy in front of guys? (link)
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It's not that you're looking easy so to speak, but your insecurities make you feel that you're lucky to have ANYONE, so you often put up with the garbage that they dish out in an effeort to make sure that they still like you. And, that gives them the open door to walk all over you. You'll have to realize that you're worth more than you're getting ON YOUR OWN, I can't help with that in one message. Make a list of about ten things that are really special about you...REALLY special, and then tell yourself that you're going to wait until someone deserving of those things come along.
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Well i don't know but i would like to know if being a little fat has to do with any thing i just can't seem to get a girl to like me i'm nice i am a beliver of the Lord what should i do? (link)
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You know what... I REALLY hate to say this and it IS sad that society is this way but, I'm sure it does. And the fact that you openly profess a love of the Lord may make SOME people feel a little akward. They may feel as if they're not good enough around you. I applaud you and respect you greatky for you openess. But, the honest truth is. Maybe they don;t know how to be around you without dealing with their own demons. Wait.....God will send you who's best for you.
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There is someone, a kid a guy. . well im not sur eif he likes me or not. . See we sit next to each othe rin math class. . and well he talks ot me alot laughs wiht me and well he trys to ge tmy attention laot, and he plays aroudn like hits me and stuff, liek not hard but playfully. . and its like I duno if he just my firnd or if he lieks me more than that!?>!?! PLEASE HELP! (link)
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Oh yeah, classic symtoms. he's got it for you and BAD! Why are you maiking him wait?
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How can i stop myself from being self-consious? (link)
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It depends on what you're being self conscious about. And why? Are youcomparing yourself to what others have? If that's the case, I know you won't be able to stop, so, try and find someone with whatever it is that you WOULDN'T have. If you're sel conscious about your nose, then find someone that you think has a worse nose. Then tell yourself that it's not as bad as you thought. Whatever it is, there's always someone out there who can make you feel better.
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I ask alot of questions. . lately* lol
Well I was wondering, how can i tell fi my crush likes me? He acts dumb sometimes around me, and It was my frist day of school, But i started when everyone else did, and he was the first person to talk to me, he said how come u dont talk, I was like in my head, omg i dont know wut to say. . I dont know anyone!! And I just sat their staring at him, he was so adorable! And omg. . I dont know One time at recess it was wicked freezing and he wa slike i cant feel my toes. . it was soo cute, then my frined *a guy friend which is my crish's frined too* Stepped on my crush's toes! And he said oooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. . it was so funny/cute!
Then my friend said, how could u feel that if us ai du couldnt fel ur toes?!
I was so mad at her. . lol she was evil to my man!
Also when he walks by me he acts dumb/funny
And I think he thinks I like him* which I do*
Then their is the kdi i aksed about I kidna like him, but I duno hes a fun perosna nd all, but I duno. . I think of him as a friend! U know But my crush I wnat to marry this person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But Im not sure. . I mean if he lieks me. .do u think he does, please help! he doesnt talk to me that much. . but i duno. . i think its cuz he switche doutta my class. and well he cnat rlly talk to me cept 4 recess, , which he is always with his frineds! (link)
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I'll make this simple and not make you suffer. Yes, I think he does and, I think you know he does, as well. Don't wait too long, but don't start thinking about marriage just yet.
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For the ones who have read the Ex-boyfriend Gone Mad and Dreams Column, I need your advice again. OK, so some of you said that I might have feelings for him. And some of you said that I might miss him. I can't like him!!! Number 1: My parents WONT allow it. Number 2: My parents wont let me see him anymore. Number 3: I have a boyfriend that is true to me and is everything I wanted out of a guy. But the love that my boyfriend and I share...it so different. And I don't want to like my EX because I don't want to be a "slut". Plus I don't want to like my EX because I will just end up getting hurt again. But then, WHY am I having dreams about him EVERY night? And today, I did the "ABCDEFG" thing with the soda can and it landed on "J" which is the beginging letter of my EX boyfriends name. I talked to a physic and she said that I am gonna be with this boy for the rest of my life. What do you think she ment by that? Like, am I gonna be with him as a married couple? Or just friends? Or am I just gonna know him for the rest of my life? What are all of the signs about? Why am I getting them anyways? I need your advice ASAP!
P.S. I will be seeing my EX at a play that he is in because my friend is in the same play that my EX is in. Should I talk to him or not? If so, what should I say? Or do??
Sincerely,
CONFUSED! (link)
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Hmmmm, my BMW is in the shop getting a head gasket so, I have to drive a volvo. I don't WANT to drive a Volvo. The shop won't ALLOW me to drive the Beemer. My volvo is a good car and gets me where I have to go with minimum trouble.But, that doesn't mean that I can't WANT to drive my BMW. I do, and I prefer it. You don't have to stop liking him, and I think you haven't. I think you may be giving in to what the "logical" choice is. Staying with who you're with so you avoid the possibility of looking "bad". Please, their are alot bigger things to concern yourself with. Do what's best and obviously right....for you.
And still liking your boyfriend won't make you a slut, dear. Sleeping with them both at the same time will.
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Ok, Not too long ago, my best friend and I both liked the same guy. I dont think anyone knew it but us 3. Anyways, the guy (I'll call him Roboert) told me that he liked me. And my best friend was sitting right there. She got really mad because he knew that she liked him alot and he decided to like me. She even got mad at me. Well, she got a boyfriend and everything was cool. But now, they're fighting and she's started talking to Robert more. We're not goin out or anything but, I dont want the same problem to happen again. What should I do? I mean, should I stop liking him for my friend or is she a friend at all if she'd get mad at me for someone liking me??
--Thanks--
~Confused~
(link)
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Usually, people who put the answers of questions in their questions already know what they need to know. You already know that a true friend wouldn't get mad at you for someone else liking you. Hell, she should be happy for you.What I think you want to know is what to do about it. She IS your friend and you'd hate to have to stop seeing her because of a new interest. That wouldn't be fair of you. Have you sat her down to talk to her about this? Does she know how you feel or are you just sitting back, holding your breath, hoping she'll find someone else again, soon, or that she and her boyfriend will get back together, leaving you to enjoy the splendor of this man's attention and affections all alone? Hmmmm, don't think it's going to happen that way, hon. And even if it does. How are you going to react every time she breaks up with someone new. And while we're at it, what's up with the guy that likes you? Has he said anything in the way of trying to establish a relationship? I think that if you were a bit more sure about what you had with HIM, you wouldn't see her as so big of a threat.
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ok i've been studing tons of stuff on phycis and all this other stuff and i think i'm an empath now but i'm not to sure how can i tell if i am? (link)
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If you are....you'll feel it.
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Okay, there's this guy who I am madly in love with. I think of him 24/7, I doodle his name all over my school work, and I dream about him at night. But, as far as I know, he has no idea that I like him. Now he's got a girlfriend. I have no clue what to do. I mean, just because he has a girlfriend, doesn't mean that I can just turn off my feelings like they never existed. I mean, I cry everytime I see him and his girlfriend together. And I see him ALL the time. Everyday in class, weekends, summer. It's crazy. I just don't know what to do. But my problem is that I don't know how to tell him that I love him, because I'm positive that he doesn't feel the same way. All of my friends say I should move on...but it's just so hard. Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer. (link)
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Yes, it IS hard. But you know it's the right thing to do. I would question howvere, why you STILL feel the need to tell him that you love him when you KNOW he's with another person. Do you think that it will miraculously make him leave her and come to you or something of the sort? You say you're positive that he doesn't feel the same way. That would lead me to deduce that you also know that nothing can come of this. So once again, what are you hoping to attain by holding on? Don't you feel the logical step would be to move on and find someone that you feel could and WOULD give to you what you're able to give to them? It's going to be hard with him being the " one that got away" believe me, I know. I STILL have one in my life to this date. But, after I accepted the fact that we never would be more than friends, I saw how much of a good freind I could be, and believe it or not, that's going to be worth a lot more in the long run.
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ok i was siting with my freind today at lunch and all and i have been hanging with him quite a bit during school and stuff and i am confused about how i feel about him because becuase today i was partners with him in the wieght room and we were having a blast and all then at lunch our friends went to sit with other people so it was just me and him and i was like in my head gosh i feel like a geek and stuff but as we talked i was reall comfy with him and stuff and other times i just think of him as a friend i mean right now i would never be able to see my self kissing hin but i sometimes could see us hugging and stuff and then lik yesterday i was like 'f you matt" kidding around and he knew it and then he was like " i love you too becah" and i was like you love me and he was like sure so i dont know no how i feel casue sometimes i kinda like him like him and other times i only like him as a friend (link)
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Come on. Once you like someone " and stuff ", you're no longer able to like them "as a friend" only. You know you like him and we know you like him. The problem is, you're afraid that if you DO make the "mistake" of voicing it openly and without reticence, your feelings may not be reciprocated and you're left feeling dejected.
Come on,'Becah, what were you looking for here? For me to simply tell you that you do like him? Ok, you do. Now, what are you going to do about it? Sit on it, and whine incessantly when you fail to tell him, he moves on and ends up with someone else. Either color the water or get off the pot. Good luck.
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Tecnically i need no help in the hmwrk feild. BUT. what do you think about me droppin spanish and persuiting my carrer in movies. (link)
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I before E, except after C, or when sounding as "ay" as in neighbor or weigh. Hmmm, let's see.
TecHnically, I would advise you against it. I can understand a few typos ( some, I make myself ). But for you to write this and then boast that you need no help in the homeowrk fIEld frightens me. And then to fathom "persuiting" a carrer in movies? I may be wrong, but I think you meant to write PURSUING a carEEr in movies.
Honestly, I'm not saying your not the foremost thespian in your school ( la escuela, for those who dropped spanish ), but, if you do seriously plan to pursue such a career. Take your time, become as diverse as possible. Take anything that may be of help ( clase' de espanol ), and that can only serve to benefit you when you ARE ready to grace the silver screen. Break a leg.
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