|
Advicenators discussion: Purity Rings
Razhie wrote Thursday August 14 2008, 8:58 pm:
I really don't like them. I get a tad annoyed each time I see someone ask a question about them.
Young teens are not legally allowed to sign contracts. They cannot be legally bound to say, a three month billing plan, yet there are parents out there who would encourage (or coerce) or simply allow, a young teen to make a 'contract' that would likely last for five to ten years.
A public oath is not just a big deal. It’s a huge deal. It’s not something that should be undertaken as a fad or even worse as tool for coercion and guilt.
Most of those young people who wear purity rings will have sex before they are married. A few more years into this fad and I’m certain we will be hearing more and more stories about young adults taking off their rings, or wondering if they can still wear them... That is, if nothing else, a sad lesson in responsibility and the importance of an oath.
There are those who won’t of course, and I applaud them, but the fact that they have made a choice to not have sex until they are married, doesn’t justify this fad or a public oath made by a minor.
Even ignoring those simple facts about human psychological development and the agreement in society about a teenager’s ability to consent to that kind of oath or contract and even ignoring the unnecessary pain and confusion that an oath will inevitable lead many of these young people too… It is the melding of a vow of chastity with the trappings of sex education that is truly evil.
Purity rings aren’t biblical. They are a modern invention of the abstinence-only education movement that was created to give the illusion that abstinence-only education actually works, despite the decades of evidence that it doesn’t. Purity rings are the pretty little ornament of ignorance and fear mongering. It’s like wrapping a brick in pretty paper and putting it under your tree. It’s very nice for show, but come Christmas day, it’s still just a brick.
If you must make a vow, make it to yourself and your God. Don’t wear it on your finger or make a public display of your oath when you are still a child. It’s not fair to yourself. It’s not just expectation for those around you to have. It’s not realistic.
If my own teenage daughter asked for a purity ring, I'd congratulate her on thinking seriously about the issue of sex, but tell her if she wanted to make a public display of her values, she could buy with her own money, because I wouldn't be supportive of her making a 10 year or longer obligation to anyone, least of all to me. I would want her to change, and to grow and to be feel guilt-free if she choose to re-evaluate her values. I would wish her freedom of thought, far more then sexual purity.
jealousyxo wrote Friday August 15 2008, 9:23 pm:
Hey razhie,
I saw you were the featured columnist and I decided to check out your column,(I think you do a wonderful job answering questions by the way).I opened up your forum and read what you thought about purity rings and I thought that maybe I could get in on the discussion.
I've been toying with the idea for quite some time now I just recently decided to become pure until marriage on my own,I got a purity ring a few weeks ago.I dont wear it too show everyone that I'm waiting I wear it so whenever I get a temptation or have doubts,I can just look at my ring and remember what I stand for and what i believe in and the temptation goes away.I actually I haven't told anyone the purpose of the ring.I don't feel the need to share it with everyone,the only way I would say anything is if someone asked about the ring.I don't see it as a "contract" it's 100% my decision and I plan to stick too it.
I agree with you on that it's somewhat becoming a "fad",but I think it's a great fad to follow( if they take it seriously like i do).I mean,look at the questions we get on this website so many teenagers are having sex and getting pregnant at such a young age,and many don't fully understand the meaning of sex.I could save themselves having to take care of a child at say 14 or 15 years old.I know that the success rate of someone actually staying with it is about 20% I believe,but still that 20% still stuck to their decision.So if there are some teens out there who are willing to try and wait until marriage and want a purity ring to remind themselves of their decision then kudos to them.Having a ring means that your actually going to stick to your choice rather just saying "hmm I think I'm going to wait till I get married to have sex today" which you can forget about the next day.
That's just my opinion on it,but I totally see where your coming from your perspective.Everyone is entitled to have different views and opinions ;)
Razhie wrote Friday August 15 2008, 10:41 pm:
Hey oh, thanks for posting!
As I said, I have absolutely no issue with young teens of any age thinking about, and choosing to stay celibate until marriage. I think that is a really wise choice.
Even though you don't see it as a contract, and even though you are choosing to use the ring as a personal reminder (which I certainly think is the right way to see this) most girls I talk to aren't doing it that way. They are using the ring as an outward symbol and engaging a in public ceremony that presents the ring as part of an ‘agreement’ or contract that they are making with their community.
Many of these Purity ring ceremonies are offered as part of ‘sex-education’ and don’t honestly address the issues of sexual health.
That is the part that I have an issue with. The orgazniations which are pushing this fad are being dishonest and pushing young teens very hard to make an obligation they might not be prepared to.
Yesterday I spoke to a fifteen year old who was wearing a purity ring. She felt awful because she and her boyfriend had had dry sex while fully clothed. The organization that had sold her the purity ring and encouraged her to pledge to remain celibate, also told her that sperm could travel through her clothing and she could get pregnant. That isn’t true. They also told her that condoms never work, so when I asked her if she was thinking about having sex with her boyfriend and she said maybe… she wouldn’t take my advice to at least use condoms or listen to me explain how they work. “They just don’t work.” She told me.
That is a lie. That is evil. And those are the actions of many of the organizations that are pushing this fad.
The ends don’t justify the means. Misleading teens and marketing to them in their schools to get them to make an oath without proper information and with lies, isn’t okay. Getting them to embrace a fad just because thier friends are doing it isn't all right either. Even if it does theoretically help that 20%, it still isn’t okay for those organizations to do that.
And I really have to say that having a ring doesn't mean you are going to stick to your choice. YOU are the person who makes that choice, and maybe that changes that choice or makes a mistake.
If you stick to that choice with purity ring, I promise you that you could do it without.
Those 20% of people who stick to their pledge, probably would have anyways.
So what about that other 80%? What happens to them if they were pushed to make a choice and declare it publicly before they were prepared too or properly informed?
What having a ring can do to those people is cause the pain, guilt and shame if and when a person does change their mind or makes a mistake. Young people shouldn’t be put in a situation where they have that kind of public oath and obligation. That isn’t just.
So, what you’ve described yourself doing is a good bit different then what I’m ranting against. I’m ranting against lying organizations, the abstinence-only education movement, coercion and a pointless fad.
By all means, wear a ring to remind yourself of a value. Wear a necklace to remind yourself of you4 grandma. Hehe, get a tattoo to remind yourself of your pet if you want! Personal symbols are fine. Public ones are the problem. Just don’t let yourself be mislead, or bullied into public obligations.
jealousyxo wrote Saturday August 16 2008, 1:48 pm:
Wow i had no idea that organizations were actually doing that to kids and giving them the wrong facts.It's as if their brainwashing them,that's not right.I see where your coming from.
Reply to topicWhoa, hold up there! You have to be logged in to reply to this topic.Register for free!
|