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Walking away is harder than staying..
I'm with this incredible guy for over a year now, so gentle so tender, he knows how to trat a lady, attentive, loyal and every girl's dream to be..
it's been awhile we're having this fights small not even important kind of fights, he don't understand me i don't understand him...
and now it's been a week he's beem neglecting me, not like before not a single sweet word goes from his mouth, i talked to him many times, but everytime i do i feel like im being needy and need all this attention.
i feel so sad and i honestly don't know how to handle it anymore, i know in every relationship things change later on, but this is not my first relation and i never experience anything like it.
i feel like he doesn't want me anymore. and always has answers whenever i try to confront him or feels annoyed.
i just don't know..
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When you say you've been with him for over a year, the amount of time you have seen him depends on the situation. If dating only and living separate, either you see him several times a week or once a week, or perhaps you live together and see each other a lot more. You speak of walking away. So before you do, I dont know but you do, how much time has been invested in this relationship. So in a years time, the fighting started later, but how much later and why wasn't there any fighting in the beginning. I know of one possibility which is New relationship energy. Its like a drug, a high excited feeling you have when you first meet and can last a couple months or maybe even 6 months or so if you don't see each other often. Its like when you expected a certain item you dreamed of and begged the parents for as a child and when you got it for Christmas, you were over the moon excited and thats all you wanted to play with. After some time goes by, the present you thought was so great, didn't quite hold your attention anymore and was eventually ignored like the life size doll I wanted when 5 but when I got it, I tired quickly of trying to haul this big object around with me. Anything to do with crafts or art were the things that held my attention and to this day as a grandma, I still love discovering new DIY crafts to do. If the two of you or even one was attracted but it was this heightened energy that made you think you were perfect for each other, then after it wears off, those feelings wear off too. So this could be the situation. However you said you've been in relationships before. If I were a fly on the wall, what would I have seen in the interactions between you and past boyfriends? Sometimes, what if common to us and normal because many of the family members we grew up with acted like this, may not be good traits in a romantic relationship. I tend to look at myself first to see if there might be anything I was doing that might contribute to the way a partner reacts.
YOu said the fights were small and unimportant, yet you write in and mention them. So I believe they are more important than you think. My second husband and I are very much alike but we have our differences. For instance, he could never do this, answering an advice column, he told me, he would lose patience with people, not feeling as compassionate but I am able to put myself in others shoes to imagine what its like or I simply have to remember a time I went through the same or similar stuff. So we don't fight, but we disagree and do so regularly but not on the same things, just whatever we are facing a particular day. We each state what we believe is right or best at the time. Then we seek a compromise or take turns going with what he thought was best. and next time we go with what I thought was best. If one of us was wrong, then we do it the way the other said to begin with. There are many things in a relationship that take skills we are never taught in school. HOw to converse with another human, how to start conversations, how to voice a complaint properly, and so on. I have learned all this through going through the experiences. Thats okay, you're not a bad person for having the experienes, but there is a problem if it keeps happening again and again. It means we are not learning from our experience what to avoid and what to do next time. We just want to escape the moment, be right all the time (really-who doesn't) and hope a fairy tale relationship just happens, like magic, without any effort but oh how much effort it takes. And it is daily choices on when to speak up and when it really doesn't matter and its best to shut my mouth. What are your needs and wants in a man, and what are his needs and wants in a woman. If one or neither of you can put that into a list right now, then neither really may be the right one for the other. If you see him as someone you want to marry, have be father of your children and live with til the day you die, then it might be great to both go for couple counseling, basically the same as marriage counseling cus its all about how to get along with the other. If so, and he is willing to go, then hopefully you'll both pinpoint areas to improve on. If he isnt willing, work on yourself and see if that makes the relationship better. If not, you may have to make a drastic change in your life and re evaluate what kind of guy you are really looking for.
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