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Trouble With Meeting People
I'm 20/f. I have social anxiety, so whenever I meet new people my voice shakes and I feel so nervous. This is embarrassing because I want to appear like a strong, confident person but instead I feel like I'm timid or weak. I always worry about what people's first impressions of me are. How can I be more relaxed when meeting new people?
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I had this severely as a child and teen and by time I graduated HS I realized I had to get over my fear. I prayed and I believe God gave me the following to follow and practice. The amount of time it takes is up to you, how long it takes in each step to feel comfortable and ready to move on to the next. Also if you find anything easy, skip and move on to next step. First my story and then how to not just appear but become confident.
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 16 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
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I also had social anxiety. I felt I had so much to share even in school but once I stood up my voice and sweaty palms couldn’t let me. However, I started being around friends who didn’t make me apprehensive and slowly and with them I started meeting new people and learning the experiential art of making friends and dealing with social anxiety. I also used some tabs known as Propranolol to cool me off and slow my heart rate to allow me to present in class before tens of students, in church etc. Can’t remember being so nervous as I was before. Start by taking big deep breaths every time you feel nervous and be silent for a few seconds to allow your mind and voice to move in tandem. Then start talking slowly and gain confidence. When meeting new people, find a person who looks least intimidating, like a motherly face, young person, grandpa etc. and talk to them. Soon you will gain confidence and immerse yourself into the environment.
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You can't control what anyone thinks of you but you can influence it. If you show people you are genuine and interested in knowing them and are friendly and put yourself out there a bit you'll get results. If you come across as timid or worse unapproachable you'll have issues. Be open to everyone and talk to people you are interested in knowing. The thing is they're all as shy or concerned with what others think too.
If you're too concerned with what others may or may not think about you you'll drive yourself bonkers. It's something you have no control over and being too concerned with it hurts you in the end. Don't worry about it because the people you're supposed to be friends with won't judge.
The thing you need to do is find a therapist to talkto about this issue and get help with making friends and over your fear of rejection. You also need to join student council or clubs where you can meet all kinds of people who are different than you. Those clubs or student government forces you to connect with people you ordinarily wouldn't.
Drama and improv courses are good too because they teach you problem solving skills and how to work with people you don't know or who are different to reach a set of goals. I'm not sure if they have taken it online but Second City has a social anxiety improv class as do some other theater companies. It doesn't have to be an expensive course because they're all good for accomplishing what you need to without judgment.
Also, there must be people under your nose that you haven't noticed or thought could be potential friends. You should reach out to them because quite often people who also need friends are the most sincere and best matches.
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