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Should i leave a loving bf who became possesive because of my past
I had previously been in 4 relationships before i met this guy.. At the start of our relationship i lied to him that i only had one relation and that he was my 2nd one, but later on he came to know abou my previous relation when he found our earlier chats on fb and came to know the truth about my 4th relation..and i was physically close to the 4th guy but we never had sex.. But when my bf came to know about this we already had sex and this was my first time..so he was sad and frustrated on knowing abouth my 4th guy and that we were very close. So he brokeup later on bcoz of the gulit of making him sad and losing my virginity to him i said sorry to him..and we were back in relation but sometime later he came to know about the 3rd guy i previously had relation then again he was angry by all this things his personality changed a lot he was all the time angry on me even for small things but knowing this too he continued the relation but it was really had for me bcoz there were so many fights btwn u.. He was very possessive he wouldn't allow me to talk any of my boy clzmates on the account of my
relation but still i stayed bcoz of the reason how committed he is to me and that i lost to him everything..seeing his commitment i said to him about my 2nd relation which just lasted for 1month to which i said yes while i was recovering from my first love..but after 1month i realises i didn't actually love this guy and also told my bf that me and the 4th guy were physically close..on hearing he was again frustrated and sad,bcoz all this he became more and more possessive but he was too caring and loved me soo much..but there was this guy his friend whom i had crush since tge first time i saw him i nver talked to this guy but i had huge crush on him so i would sometimes look his social accounts..My bf found about this again there was huge fight between us again then again we solved it but he was using bad words to me he had anger issues.. But if i needed anything he would always be there for me..but these days all the possessiveness and anger are getting more and more and i want to go abroad after my studies but he wants to stay in the country and he said he wouldn't allow me to go abroad too.. Because of all this i am confused whether to leave him and be free from his possession and go after my dreams or should i stay bcoz he maybe the only person who would love me even after knowing all my past and be there for me.. Can anyone advice me
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I read your story. Now, you need to understand that in order for someone to be in a relationship they want to be able to trust you and love you despite your wrong doings and even your short cummings.
Secondly, If this is the 5th relationship for you and you want it to last, remove contact from any outside influences of your current relationship.
If you have anything worth telling your boyfriend or partner, now is the time to tell him. Break it down to him easy and delicate. But also that means you need to walk a fine line from this moment forward.. No reflecting on old relationships with this one. The old has nothing to do with the current waves. Understood? If he's the keeper, he will understand and be able to move forward with your from this.
Best of Luck,
MisterAdvice101
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The issue here is not him being possive dear. You may think it nothing big to fudge the truth, say a white lie and in some cases, like when asked for my opinion of an ugly baby, i won't lie and say its cutre but find something elee to comment on in order to not hurt feelings, like "Wow, his nose is an original, looks like a grownup nose" said w ith a smile. In that, I am hurting no one when asked to cmpliment on a strangers baby. I'll never see the other person again. In a relationsip, particularly a couple relationship, there needs to be trust, full trust in the person for a relationship to work. Why you felt you could not tell him the truth of your past, I don't know but everyone has a past like myself, an ex, and dating partners for a while until I found my new husband. From the start, we shared stories of our ex, the good and the bad, and stories of people we dated. Yes, some people get jealous and possessive at the thought of anyone having a previous relationship and that is not normal and such people should be avoided. In your case, you did not mention him acting jealous or possessive before you lied to him and still didn't come clean when he learned of one guy. All he knows is that he can't trust you and a relationship starting that way is bound to failj at some point. Its not a matter of forgiveness because a person can forgive but still know to not trust due to the other person showing nothing consistantly in their hehavior which reinforces that they are trustworthy. Af ter breaking trust as you did, it will take way more time to gain it back than the amount of time to destroy it. So this is a big change you need to truly make, want to make and most of all, be able to admit to yourself at the very least that what you did is not good for a relationship. Its like pouring liquid poison instead of fertilizer on a garden plant, it dies.
Because he feels he can't trust you, but for some reason still wants you, he is acting possessive. This means he is looking for a reason you would lie about past relationships and the only reason he may have come up with is that you were easy, a slut, and slept with so many men you don't remember how many so he thinks it is easy for a guy to get you into bed because you hid the four past relattionships. He may be thinking that there are way more than 4. Put yourself in his shoes and know you would not feel secure if he lied about all his past relationships if it was innocent relationships with nothing to hideu.
I can't say what will help if anything a t all but one thing I know is being honest now, telling him every feaer you had and whatever excuse for why you lied in the first place, no matter how flimsy, is what he needs to hear. You need to let him know you are very sorry and will understand if he doesn't want to rebuild trust but if he will give you chance, you will hide nothing from him. Imagine treating a husband that way, lieing to him or him to you. The difference is a paper saying your'e married and the commitment a couple made to be together forever compared to dating just for fin, and socially and maybe for attention or sex partner but there is such a thing as da ting to explore if a person is the one you want to be with The moment I caught a couple guys in lies, and one was stupid as he had nothing to hide, I dumped the guys. I have learned in life that generally where you see one bad trait, there are a whole lot more buried down inside that person and I've found this to be true so I can't blame the guy for wondering when the next 'other man ' will pop up or the next cover up or lie might show up. ITs not that he knows what I know but him acting on instinct w hich is right on in his case.
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