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Should i end my marriage?
Should i break up my marriage of 7 years?
My husband is a gambler and we are always broke.
I recently met another man in church
He is a widower and lives with his sister
I like him but am not sure if he just likes me because i have a place to live
I am 53 , Gentlemen in question 63
Please help
Thank you
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Okay, I just saw this sent to me. I drew your question from those sent to everyone to answer.
Does the man in church know you are married and the situation? If he is a widower, that's another story from what I answered before. If a marriage is reasonably good and both are social creatures, then it is like culture shock to find yourself all by yourself. It can be quite lonely. I suggest you find out if he moved in with his sister simply for companionship and contributes to rent or utilities and such. At this age, a 10 yr difference isn't a big deal. At 63, he is no little kid without life experiences. So now, he may be interested in xase the right person came along, in a new wife or simply a committed relationship for the rest of his life, and that would mean you have to be free emotionally to go after him. I say emotionally free, because as I said, even if your husband did jump through all the hoops and was cured of gambling, do you still love him, or would you be able to learn to love him again? Your situation may not be gambling related alone. Again, a marriage counselor can ask all the right questions to get you thinking and know if there is any hope you can love him still, or whether by the information I sent in the other, on finding Mr. Right, that you realize that gambling aside, he never was the right guy for you.
I was a church goer too. I was waiting for 'God to heal my marriage' as the church flippantly tosses around to couples in trouble. One day, God said to me, that phrase about me healing a marriage is not correct. I don't just step in and force the partner to change into a wonderful mate. That would mean I am selectively taking away his free will to follow my examples and be a good husband or not. God also reminded me of the vows made at the wedding. Leaving him, would not be bad as some churches I went to taught, that God doesn't believe in or like divorce. However I know God is way more practical than we tend to think. In a marriage of 30 years, I never felt loved, never was treated as a Queen, I was his mother, cook, maid, childcare, go fer, receptionist for his in home business sideline, an outlet for his sexual urges which were not very often, and the list goes on. Always what I could do for him, not what he could do for me. If this is the kind of husband you have had, then as I was told by God, he isn't upholding his vows, to love and cherish, and take care of you. If you are broke due to hard times, that is one thing and as long as the love and caring is there, one can make it work. I do. My 2nd husband and I are always riding the edge of being out of money but never quite run out as God is looking out for us and brings people across our path whom we are able to assist in some way and they pay us for our help. So really, this is more about not upholding his vows. Gambling all your money away is in my opinion, breaking those vows. And I was told, if the husband has broken those vows, then I am freed from my end of the committment and vows. Just be friendly and friends with the church man until you are truly in your mind done with the husband. Another thing God did for me the beginning of the year I would leave him, was to give me a vision in which I was standing near a long red ribbon and I was holding a bog pair of scissors to cut it with. I saw him and myself, like watching yourself in a dream. We were connected by this cord at our solar plexus. God told me that if I was finally ready to leave him, that I would have to cut that ribbon in my vision and He said it also meant, this was final, there was no going back, I would proceed on to the actual planning and leaving him and moving on with my life. If you are in this boat, I would suggest you use your imagination and do this, but don't think of it as just your imagination but something God sees and He will help you take the steps to be freed of him for once and for all. I see my ex due to a married daughter living in his house and it is so wonderful how I have no feelings of love, or regret or guilt. He is simply an acquaintance from my past. remember the man you met is just at a beginning level, acquaintence, fellow church member, maybe friend but nothing more...at least I don't think so as you didn't say so.
Don't look to him or another guy as your way out of where you feel stuck right now. It isn't fair and you end up using the person like a crutch. Be healed and come to a new partner as a whole person, as an overcomer, not like a victim. I was tested twice with men I met after a divorce. They were nice for a few times until they relaxed and showed their true self. Can't say you will be tested in such a way, but don't be surprised if it happens. It is part of you knowing you learned your lesson to find a man who treats you like a Queen, and not settle for less. Since you wonder if another likes you, my guess is that you may have lost any feelings of love you once had for the hubby. That happened with me. But as I have explained, you have to be okay with any decision you make, in your mind and heart sure. Yes, it isn't fair and you have enough reason to be real angry with him. I asked God to heal my heart so that, even though I left the ex, I was able to forgive him for how I was treated at his hand and mine was verbal abuse 24/7. I never caved in mentally as God was the one who upheld me all the way but the time came when He knew The ex had had enough chances to change, even being part of mens groups at church like a popular one called "Promise Keepers". He was literally like the wolf in sheeps clothing among the males of such programs at church. I still feel as though I don't have the real picture here. I don't even know if the hubby is a late marriage or 2nd one for you. If it is a second one, There may be a lesson you have to learn personally before you can move on. I had a lesson. I can't say what yours is if this is the case for you but I certainly wouldn't think of finding another husband until I learned what I was supposed to. In my case, God was telling me I didn't love myself. When I said I did and was confused why I'd hear that, He said that yes I love myself, but talking percentages, there was a small percent where I failed and the tbing I failed in pretty much wiped out all the other ways I loved myself. Mine had to do with loving myself enough to no longer subject myself to behavior from anyone (husband, family, friends, acquiantances,etc) where I was treated like less than a human being, not loved and not taken good care of, abused, etc. That stopped my complaint as I realized that is exactly what I had been doing for nearly 30 years. Although I did okay with choosing good people to be around, but in a marriage partner, it had taken me way too long to realize this. God meant for me to learn by allowing me to meet someone who would be the catalyst for me to learn this lesson which couldn't have happened is the man was a candidate for best husband of the year. So in that, I am grateful but I was too oblivious plus too trusting of what I heard in Church, rather than what God had to say just for me. I do suggest you spend more time asking God what to do. If you leave hubby, like I did, you'd only be following the recipe I did, and it may not be the way God has planned for you. Not saying this means you are stuck. But I'd ask God why I was married o a man who was doing this and what if anything you are meant to learn from it. If you have trouble hearing from God, then find a woman at church whom you know truly does hear from God and ask your Questions and have her let you know if God has an answer for you. I am 60 and have been 9 happy years with a jewel of a man and it will be 10 years this summer. So having been where you are, I understand and I want you to be happy as well. If you feel the need to talk to me about anything else in this situation, or something comes up, etc...whatever, I will try to do my best to help and encourage and give you some good ideas. I don't tend to share all my God and church related stuff unless I know the person asking is a believer as well.
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