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Help on my depression
Hi, I'm the same person that wrote the one about the guy at school who touched my arm and shoulder. I mentioned there that I have gotten hurt before and it really stung. In 2016 I had befriended this one guy at school. Back then, I was an ambivert and I wasn't afraid to talk to people and make new friends. But anyways,the guy I befriended totally belittled me telling I had not as much friends as him and he said that we were never actually friends. This hurt my perspective on making new friends. I started to lose most of my friends and acquaintances after that. I started falling behind in school and it quickly turned into depression. I wanted nothing to do with anyone. I was turned into a full blown introvert after that incident. I still do want to make friends though, it's just that I'm afraid of getting hurt again. If anyone could give me any advice on this, I'd be grateful. Thanks in advance.
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You have depression due to a situation, not due to your bodys inability to make enough 'feel good' hormones. So you have situational depression which you can recover from. Clinical depression is the other and requires medication.
Since you are younger than I was when I had years upon years of the same treatment from a husband, I understand how the stress from having someone belittle you, yell, publicly shame or critisize and all other forms of verbal abuse can affect you.
I married at 20 and about 6 months later, his verbal abuse was flown blown. Stress from such treatment has to go somewhere. I can tell you from living it, that it either affects you physical as in sickness, diseases and such or it affects you mentally where you go from normal thinking to having anxieties, distorted thinking, lowered to non existent self esteem, depression. In me, I was affected by the physical stuff. SO I was able to keep my head on straight. In your case, I am guessing it has messed more with your head. Since you are 18 or even a couple years older, you have not faced dealing with your hurt as long as I had. I stayed for 30 years til all the kids were grown. I realize now that wasn't a very good idea.
In my case, I decided, I was going to learn from my situation, signs of the issues in him, so I could spot the same in others. Other people simply shut down and start distrusting and second guessing actions of all other people. You dont even have to say anything. What you are feeling, those vibes or energy pours off you and others feel it so that is why you have lost friends, not because you are no longer worthy of having friends, you can't blame a person for not wanting to hang out with someone boring, upset, sullen, distrusting, etc. in short negative stuff.
I know you don't mean to turn people away but this is why, just so you know. And it can be fixed.
Not everyone who is attracted to you for friendship or more is going to be a normal, happy healthy person. I met my 2nd husband through a dating site. But I met plenty of guys who seemed nice in writing on line or talking on phone so I met in person. They were nice at first but soon their real self showed through. that how it was with my ex husband. I thought I was marrying a Godly church going man. Far from it. Oh he went to church but the persona he showed others was not what he was. I was belittled so many times i can't remember and usually in public settings so I was humiliated as well. When family and friends told him to stop doing that to me, he told them to shut up and did as he pleased. I could have let all the crap he heaped on me, keep me from moving on but I didn't. I did wait till the kids were out of the house but I know now it would have been better to take the kids and divorce him much earlier. There are no manuals to follow to know what to do. So just do your best and don't worry about the same thing happening. It has to, to some extent so you can have the opportunity to handle it the best way again and again. I was tested twice after the divorce by some guys who were as bad as my ex and they kept it hidden for a short while but when pretendin and covering up, it can't go on long term as it uses too much personal energy to keep up the charade. So if even the best of us can be fooled initially, that's part of life. That moment you know you've been fooled, its best to leave and move on. Staying is the foolish choice and that's what I did when in my early 20s. I didn't know any better then. But I do now so I like to help others avoid what i went through.
With the specific info you gave regarding what he did and said, I can give some advice that should help with making new friends. It doesn't matter if you reach out first or they do, if they end up showing a real ugly part of who they really are, don't associate with them anymore. I know you might see such a person out and about, but seeing them is not going to hurt you. Just nod if you wish that you saw them but you don't have to talk to them. My hubby has a person who pushed himself on us wanting to be friends. He took lots of advantage of hubby and screwed him out of money, so we stopped associating with him. After a year, he had the gall to come knocking on our window when parked at the grocery store and we told him to go away, that we don't want to see him anymore and we are talking a man who is in his 70s but still thinks and acts much like the ex con with a rap sheet that he is. We told him to leave or we'd call police. After he left, we still talked to police who said there is such a thing as banning a person from being near you simply because they are a nuisance. There simply are some nasty people in the world.
So I hope you are hearing me that even if a person seems nice initially, even if it only lasts a day or hours, as soon as you see something you don't like from them, shrug it off and stop seeing them or being a friend or partner. It doesn't mean you were stupid or didn't spot something ahead of time. In most cases you can't spot something ahead of time and the only time you can truly make a stupid choice is when you see the bad behavior or are at the receiving end of bad treatment and either stay with the person, or you let the experience scare you so bad you are afraid all people might be out to get you and so you stop being friendly towards others and act as a victim rather than a survivor. If you find you can't let the past go and can't stop your downward spiral, you may need a treatment called CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Not all psychologists are familiar with or use this. However, it is something that works phenomenally especially for the majority of people who don't have clinical depression. There are ways to prevent from getting depressed in the future too when feeling low so if that ever occurs, let me know and I'll give you the list of Psychologist approved methods of dealing with it that are so easy and simple. CBT is for dealing with correcting distorted thoughts that will lead you to take actions or behaviors that are not normal for you. Changing to an introvert is not usual every day behavior for people and in your case, its a clear example of CBT, how your thinking about the situation caused you to act in ways that current friends no longer enjoyed being around you and it was impossible to make new friends. When I look back at who I was before dealing with my social anxiety long before anxieties were a thing, The person I am now would not want to hang out with the old me if I was totally honest. If you can be totally honest with your self, you'll likely notice the same thing.
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