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Hoarder husband
Hi! My husband is a hoarder. The garage, shed, second outbuilding, attic, basement is full.He is piling things up outside and We got notices from the city about the "garbage" and he cleaned up a bitbut no all. We had a final notice today, we have 14 days to clean it or we go to court. I have done everything I can to clean up over 15 years but he just keeps accumulating. I am terrified of court and jail time. He gets very angry at me when I clean up. (donate, or thow out). He will pull things back out of the trash. This is killing me. We arent speaking again this evening because of it. What do I do? Go to court and say I have no say? Thanks..
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If it helps any, I agree with adviceman. In court you must explain how you try to clean up and husband pulls things back out of the trash becase he has a problem with hoardidng. Hoarding is a symptom of something not right emotionally or mentally and yes, a psychologist mist be seen to help him get better. I have watched a few hoarding shows and the hard thing is relatives trying to force a person to seek oounseling but you can't force an adult who doesn't want to go for counseling to go. You can't force him to seek help for his hoarding. But there is a recourse, as already mentioned, the courts can order him to get help and that person will take over the situation and get your husband to understand he can only save a few things that are really precious to him but they overwatch to make sure he keeps to that limit and usually there is a box of things for donating and the rest is usually junk thrown into a rented trash container. Also, a haz mat group of people are the ones coming in to clean if there is chance of some kind of contamination, mold, rats and mice with their feces mixed in with all the stuff he is hoarding. So since you can't force him because of where he is at mentally, you have to rely on the courts to force him to go for treatment and also have a professional help him through the clean up and getting rid of stuff stage. It won't work if you do it because you already known by the track record, that he won't listen to you. It may take a while til he really responds well to his Dr. SO don't worry about court, it is the beginning to a solution. If the Judge says nothing about ordering him to get seen by a mental health professional, then since you've already said the hoarding is entirely his issue, and if he cleaned up a little, that would not help for the future, and the court would have to call him in again due to junk sitting around outdoors. It also doesn't take long for a hoarder to collect more stuff. You say you would rather that your husband gets better and to do so needs to be seen by a mental health professional and you want to see if he can be ordered to go to one. I am sure that won't happen because if there are enough hoarders to make TV shows about them, there are tons more who don't make it on TV. And the courts have likely seen many come thru just like your husband who would repeat the same thing. They've seen it before and know that tossing such a person in jail does not help, especially if then know from you that he is a hoarder and won't let you help. So you don't have to worry about him going to jail. That is why it is smart for him to be ordered by the judge to see a professional therapist who is experienced with hoarders. I am not saying there is a mental illness but his thinking and something that triggered his hoarding in his past is messing with being able to think correctly instead its distorted. So distorted thinking happens in normal individuals, however when it is unchecked and allowed to take over like weeds, then it becomes a big problem and an issue that a profesional therapist needs to step in and fix.
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You could just wait to be ordered to court and tell the judge this is all on your husband. That you have tried throwing things away to no avail that he just hauls them back.
Alternatively while he is at work you can call some one like 1-800-junk and have them haul the the junk away before he can retrieve it. Yes he will get pissed. Part two of this plan is get him some counseling with a psychologist about his hording. Counseling would not be an option he must go or the courts will send someone in to clean out the junk and he will be ordered to counseling.
This is your home too and you need to take charge.
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