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Roomate has feelings for me
I live in a house with 3 other housemates. In total, there are 3 women and 1 guy. We have lived together 2 years.
Two of us (female) are in our early twenties and the other girl and guy are in their early thirties. We have had a great dynamic. We are all really great friends and supportive of each other. We all hang out occasionally.
Everything just went south yesterday when my guy housemate (let's call him Jake) told both me and my other younger roommate separately (she's my very dear friend- let's call her Lisa) that he has developed romantic feelings for both of us.
Lisa responded by immediately going on a date with another guy today. As for me, I am extremely confused. I have been friends with Jake for 5 years and we have a great, playful dynamic that other people have mistaken for a romantic couple. He is very attractive. But I thought we were like siblings and always envisioned him being with someone else.
And now Lisa is mad at me, because she wanted to talk to me about how her date went when she got home yesterday. But I was talking to Jake so I didn't end up talking to her, and now she is avoiding talking to me.
Jake and I would be a great match except that Jake isn't as religious as I am, which is my number one deal breaker. He said yesterday he is invested in exploring his faith more, especially because his parents have always wanted that, but he hasn't yet.
And I don't understand why he has feelings for two people simultaneously- that seems like cheating, even though none of us are in relationships, which is weird.
I am very confused. This feels like a strange, really badly written sitcom. I'd appreciate any advice on what to do next. Thanks
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I may sound vulgar saying this, but it seems like your 30 year old male friend might want to have a threesome with two girls nearly a decade younger than him. Your female friend may seem offended because clearly she feels you prefer 'him' than her. I would value her friendship over his sleazy ways. He's just trying to see who "loosens up" first. Check your priorities, and ultimately it's your choice.
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It is good to hear you use the term 'deal breaker' as it seems most people never apply that to people and relationships.
Sorry but I laughed at Lisa's response of quickly going on a date with a guy because of male roommates confession. I could just picture it.
When living together, thats a time when we get to know people far better than just going on dates. So Jake has had a chance to observe the two of you and see things that often others would never see and it has helped him see qualities that he likes in both of you. I am usually telling females that just because they see a quality they like in a guy, that doesn't mean he should be her BF, lover or husband. The time before you finally find and choose a long term partner is a time to take notice of all the qualities you like in the opposite sex. Put these on a list of what you are looking for. A list of needs are things you can not do without. If not present in the guy, then its a deal breaker. No one can tell you what a deal breaker should be. Another gal may not care if a guy is a different faith. It was one of mine too, having a guy who was of same belief as I after a divorce. Funny thing is, after the divorce, I was aimless, with no idea what to do, but used dating sites and found it overwhelming how many jerks wrote to me cus they liked my conservative photo. God talked to me several times asking me to make up a list of the criteria I needed for a husband and He would prove He was able to give me exactly what I wanted. I know you don't need this, but if curious, I can send it to you if you write me from my column. What I think is that Jake is seeing qualities he likes but doesn't have a list. He doesn't realize that the feelings are not a deep love, the kind of being in love with that other soul and the package it comes in. His feelings are more of genuine interest in certain attributes of each of you.
This is what I am very sure of. It might possibly be another story if he said he had romantic feelings for just one of you. B
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