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Tips for overcoming social anxiety?
I'm 22, f and for about 10 years I have been struggling with social anxiety.
Every time I'm in a large group of people I sort of freeze and get so nervous that I don't speak.
Even though I know that people like me, I also worry constantly about how I appear and that people don't like me. I worry that people judge me because they can tell I'm socially awkward or quiet.
I know the best way to get over social anxiety is to face the fear and socialize so this weekend that's what I'm doing, but I'm still very nervous about it.
Any tips for how I can calm down?
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Hello! I know it's been a while since you asked for some tips on the subject, but I hope I can still help a little! First, I believe that you must learn to love yourself more and more and enjoy your own company, so you will not feel inferior and anxious to relate to anyone. Another important thing is that you should not feel that your shyness is defect because it is not! Respect your way of being and be yourself, that makes all the difference! Anyway, know that you are a unique and special person, and be your best friend. Feeling a little afraid will be normal, but have courage and you will do very well! People will love to get to know you better!
I hope you are very happy in your relationships!!
Hugs!
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Socializing or the ability to talk to people isn't something to be reserved for just the weekend. We all have opportunity every day to talk to people, like someone on the elevator, people at school or work, our neighbors, the sales clerk, people also waiting in line at Starbucks, etc.
I used to have social anxiety and will share with you how I got over it. Its based on taking it in little bits at a time, not trying one big bite in a weekend pretending to be the social butterfly.
It worked for me and I am sure it will work for you but not in one or even a couple weekend or weeks. That is almost too much to hope for. But if you apply yourself, you can be totally comfortable and be the one starting conversations in a couple of months.
Overcome Shyness/Social Anxiety
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 17 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so anxious socially. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone ) and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered. (I more recently read of the same way to overcome this in a book by a psychologist so it's not like trusting me that God said this but its what psychologists understand too))
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes when ripe so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
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