|
Am I reading too much into this??
I’m a 13 year old girl. I have a crush on one of my friends, not my best friend or anything but we’re still friends. Recently he told me who he had a crush on (one of my other friends😩) which is a big deal for him because he has a hard time trusting people. But he said he trusted me. Lately we’ve been talking more and he invited me to come over to his house. He invited a couple other friends and well but they couldn’t come. He then asked if I wanted to come alone. We’re in band together so he taught me how to play drums a little. We just sat for a little and talked about random stuff but I felt like it was different than when I hang out with my other friends. Am I reading into nothing??? Does this mean he likes me too? Ps I’m not jealous for my other friend. She doesn’t know that he likes her but I know she doesn’t like him.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hello,my dear
I understand that you must've been disappointed when you found that he likes someone else and not you,I mean everyone has in one point in their lives.
But perhaps don't read into it too much perhaps on that one instance,I mean it is just that one instance.Have you considered telling him about your feelings though?
It's going to be hard to get lost in the signs you've let yourself be misled by.
With <3,
GrinningCheshire
]
You'd better not fell into it. As when a boy starts telling a girl his secrets it means that he considers her just like his friend in most cases. So try not to lose your heart as it will be even harder lately.
]
People tend to feel more comfortable around those they consider good/great friends but don't feel the romantic attraction to. And why? I believe because we want to make a good impression on them so we are constantly in fear that we may do something wrong that turns them off to us. It could be something like fearing we might stammer or be at a loss of words, sound stupid or look stupid, say the wrong thing, etc. What we forget is that most likely the other person has the same fears if they feel a romantic attraction. I am going to guess that if he feels so comfortable that he can trust you, then he definitely considers you a close friend. But he did say he has a crush on your friend.
About crushes: A crushing on someone is all in the mind and not part of a reality yet. Just because he is crushing on your friend doesn't mean she will automatically like him. You already know she doesn't feel any romantic attraction to him, thats what we mean when we say we don't 'like' someone. Liking someone as a friend is liking their personality and having things in common and caring enough about the other to be there for them, cheer them up and encourage them, help them out whenever they need help, all of the same things a happily married, deeply in love couple would have for each other except for one thing, the couple also has the romantic attraction for each other. I am older and had a first marriage where not only were we not like best friends but did not have a good enough romantic attraction. I did, he didn't. If its one way, it doesn't work. Yes, its possible for one person to feel that chemistry with the other but the other does not feel it at all.
So when you say you are attracted to him romantically, you understand now that it doesn't guarantee he will feel the same ever. You know he doesn't at this point. Since you wonder if you are reading too much in this , I feel that I must remind me that in your sentence that starts with "Er just sat for a little" you wrote the words "I felt" not he felt or we felt. So right now, all we can confirm is that you feel some romantic attraction to him beyond just the friendship.
Since both of you are young and just starting to learn about attraction and relationships, it could be that he had romantic attraction for your friend. If she doesn't feel the same, of course nothing will happen and it will never get to the point of them dating. This means at some point he will realize he has to start looking elsewhere.
And the best place to look is at the people you are comfortable with. Sometimes attraction and love isn't an instant fiery blaze in your heart but like a small ember that grows to a coal and continues slowly to become a blazing fire. It doesn't matter which way the attraction and love starts. What I am trying to tell you is that I believe its a good idea to continue on being a friend to him, learn what it is like to be a close trusted friend with someone of the opposite sex. You may think it's the same as being a friend to a girl and yes it is but with differences. Men and woman grow up and often still don't understand where the other is coming from, how they think and reason and explain things can be so vastly different that we make assumptions about the other and end up fighting a lot. So enjoy the friendship. Don't worry that he wasn't attracted to your looks first. I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
Well, it's not so much a secret as information that isn't widely shared. People are more attracted to others with self confidence than their looks. You can have plain looks, have some kind of speech impediment, not dress in the latest fashions and yet in the end have more people who want to be around you than those they were originally attracted to who looked pretty on the outside but lacked self confidence. Actual tests were done with single men and women who volunteered for what they thought was a different social test. As they waited their turn, they were observed to see how attraction works. Men are visual creatures and of course attracted initially to go over and meet the model types. However when they opened their mouths to speak, the men realized the women were boring, couldn't talk about regular subjects like normal people, were so worried that their hair and makeup was perfect and in all were pretty shallow people with low self confidence. If a person has self confidence, the subconscious mind in others will react to it. Eventually the men all went over to talk to the women with self confidence and stayed the whole time because they were more interesting. Yes, there will always be guys who never look deeper than the surface. And those guys will never know love of a life time and remain single, knowing only how to be players and date and leave em, changing girlfriends as often as changing socks. But boys your age are not yet looking at way into their future so you can't expect any thing long term yet. Right now it's just learning time. Of girls who wrote in and described HS boyfriends who were exceptional and sounded like the kind who would be the kind to stay long term with her, mature and treating her well, I can only think of two I've read of in the 4 or 5 years I've been on here. So it can happen but don't expect it. If you can get your mind to accepting that its possible that nothing at this stage is long term, then you can relax easier and just enjoy and also learn from what you do have now.
]
More Questions: |