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Am I bi?
So I’m 13 and a girl and I’ve never dated and I’ve never even had anyone have a crush on me so I don’t have any experience. I have had crushes on boys before but I’m not boy crazy like my friend. Today my other friend came over (she’s a girl) and we were just lying and I think I might have feelings for her. I’ve never had this feeling before. I feel happy but at the same time I feel like there’s a weight in my chest. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want to be different. I know my friend is straight. Please tell me what to do
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Hi Hon. I will share what I know from having had friends in the past, women, who were gay or bi sexual.
You are at the age when hormones have started working on changing your body from child to adult. It's a process and doesn't happen overnight and lasts quite a few years. So you will have plenty time for actual experience later. At this stage, I wouldn't worry about it. See, I am straight and I had a girlfriend, my closest friend when I was that age, and I too felt a deep love for her. However, it was not a gay or bi sexual love. The way I know the difference looking back at it, is that neither of us were sexually excited by each other or when we saw other females who'd make us feel sexual attraction. While its a young age to even consider having sex, it doesn't mean you are not going to feel sexual attraction to one sex or the other or both. It's normal at this age to begin to feel sexual attraction. However, remember you don't have to act upon it until you feel mature and ready enough and that means not being scared to have sex and mature enough to use protection (if a male)and discuss sex with your chosen partner regarding what you find you like and don't like.
I was your age when I began to feel deeper feelings of love for other people too. I had a free period in HS and could apply to be a teachers help or assistant at the nurses office. I went with the nurse. She was about my moms age. And she was such a kind supportive person to me and about 3 of my friends. All of us were drawn to be around her and spend time talking with her. In a way she was like a non official counselor for those young years in ways my mom might not understand, another adult I knew I could trust to talk to. And on a couple of occasions, as I stood there talking with her, I felt a rush of emotion, of such a strong love, for her but I had no sexual attraction. It doesn't happen often when we experience something like that. I only felt that the one time with her. With my friend it was more but still a handful of times.
Now, I hope you understand you can have feelings for someone but it can be without sexual attraction. Since you probably haven't experienced sex yet, You can't be 100% sure that the exact feeling you have is tied to desire and arousal for someone sexually. It can be more of a curiosity, just wondering. And when you imagine in your mind kissing her or more, you might feel a rush of excited feelings, but that still may not be sexual attraction, but your emotions responding to what you believe to be something forbidden, or bad like girls attracted to 'bad' boys. Thats another story I can explain if you want to go into how we can think and focus on stuff that gets us sexually excited, but you need to realize, that this kind of sexual excitement was in your imagination only. YOu simply used your friend in the scenerio in your mind. This would be like a woman getting sexually excited over imagining a man raping her. That serves well in the imagine to make her feel good but never in real life would she want to ever be raped, and it would be a tramatic experience. So sometimes, what our own opinion is of gay sex can either feel normal or forbidden. AM I making sense to you? I hope so. I don't always explain well but since you said you don't want to be gay, somewhere in your mind, even subconsciously, your mind may keep thinking about sex with girls just because of a combo of hormones and it falls into the forbidden catagory in your mind. This is all normal hon and nothing to worry about. Just so you know, if a gay girl wanted to be friends with you, it doesnt mean she thinks you're gay or that she is attracted to you that way. I have known gay women who only wanted to be friends and knew I was straight. I had such a friend in 9th grade. Just saw her at reunion. We are strictly friends. See, being gay doesnt mean the galwill want sex with every woman. Most likely she will be monogamous as well and only feel that way for one person. As far as bi women, I met more of these. Talked to their husbands to get their take on it. The husbands were straight, but knew from the start that the wife was attracted to females. Either she'd have one female sex partner on the side which the husband supported or a few women. Otherwise, she did not like men at all except for her husband. Then there were women who felt more straight, had a bf or husband but only were attracted to just one woman, not any others at all. ANd if that woman moved out of her life, she was not attracted to any other women. I also was invited by a friend to go along to a pool party one summer. My husband and I went and really knew no one there. I tanned by the pool and after a while I noticed almost all the women were missing. I asked where they went and was told that two of the women were bi-sexual and all the women were curious to watch or experience that and all where in a room in the house together for that. I never went. I wasn't interested at all. But I never felt that people who have alternative sexualities to be weird or odd or to avoid them for friends. This isn't all about what you were feeling but I felt that telling a few stories might help you see how normal all of this is no matter who or what sex you're attracted to. Write me if you come up with another question on the topic after reading my answer. Blessings to you dear.
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