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what should i do about her...its urking but i know no one will take me seri
theres this chic at my job, anyway she is a female as am i. ive always thought she was gay, she doesn't come off as straight 2 me..now I don't speak 2 anyone here...but she will make a special effort 2 make convo with me and if Im lookin at something on my comp, she'll come by me closely and just be cheesin and griinnin, sometimes she'll touch my arm....or try and play hit me...and shell say what are you lookin at in this weird playful voice....or she'll peek around the corner while im at my desk and say hi....one day she said u should be my cute desk partner..i said eww...btw she has a desk buddy female who sits with here but she isn't that way towards her at all...but they are "friends"
she is always extra happy 2 be around me....ive told her to stop and I don't like girls and shell just smile and walk away, she seems like the person who wants what she wants and wont give up till she gets it...she only says good morning to me and no one else, while she does have friends at work/hangs with them, shes extra friendly towards me, she even went as far as to buy me a gift for my bday I told her no thanks but she insisted I keep it...I think she is gay and has a huge crush on me. and wants my goodies not my friendship..now, ive been hit on women before and ive been threatened by them too cuz I don't deal/like with chics....this woman's happiness is over extended around me, she loves standing near me, but she'll stay apart from the other chics at my job...and she isn't playful with my other coworkers....
one day i had a picture on my computer with intertwined cherries, in the shape of a heart, well here comes freak, n she stood right next to me just smilin and says ummm those look good while staring at me....while ive been hit on and bluntly approached by women, I am not gay by any means, but some people think if a woman hits on another woman then that makes the woman being hit on gay, I find that untrue....u? ....is there a way I can stop this...should I say something, or just leave it alone and accept the fact that women find me attractive and there's nothing I can do about it but accept it....? I know if I tell my boss, he'll just say she just wants to be your friend and she'll deny doing anything at all....thanks for any advice
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I remember reading a story like this on here a couple times some months ago. Unless you're the same person, this seems to be becoming an epidemic.
We now live in a world where ones variance from the previously touted norm of one man and one woman preferring only each other not to mention gender differences, make the situation very confusing for younger generations. I know lots of older people may feel really confused or believe it all has to be an abomination to God or what, but I used to attend church and I used to do swinging and in that venue met people of all sorts.
I remember dancing with husband or another guy and they left before end of song and a woman approached and started dancing really close, finally grinding up against me. We;d traded names and that was all we'd said when she started acting like I was a bi or gay woman. So I immediately said, Thanks for the compliment of being interested in me, but I don't roll that way. I am definitely hetero. She acted so surprised I knew it had to genuine. She said, the way I look and the way I moved, it looked like I was gay or bi. No one can actually describe what that look is, but when you have it, you will get this all your life. I remember talking to a guy who lamented that he was not gay or bi and had men hitting on him all the time, not just at the club. He was getting tired of having to tell them sorry he was into women only. But mind you, with him, and with me and two more experiences of women inquiring if I was gay or bi, Not a one ever repeated or continued to flirt with me or that guy. For him it was also always some one new.
I mentioned this because you may have that look or carry yourself in a way that makes you a target for those of differing sexual preferences. And also to show you that all the people i know of who have flirted with someone or approached someone who was not gay or bi, once informed, they never repeated.
I can't say why she constantly rubs it in your face. I am sure she understands that sex with you is never going to happen. Any person in their right mind is not going to continue trying to achieve that. That's like trying to get blood from turnips...not going to happen ever!
So if she's still doing this, it is more likely because she gets some kind of pay off from it. Maybe she is one of the few gay people who love to rub it in the faces of people who aren't, especially those who come across as extremely uncomfortable on the subject and don't know any gay people and don't want to know. Or they come across as sexually too prim and proper or uptight on anything of a sexual nature. NOt saying thats the case, just how you might come across, and that would be irrisistible to a person who loves to tease way beyond whats fair to the point it feels like harrassment.
You are probably right that the boss won't see anything wrong. YOu may be doing something subtle that you dont even realize. Maybe not but its worth bringing up if it helps your situation. SO, maybe you don't associate or make small talk with anyone in the office. But if you at all, smile and greet other females by name before digging into your work but you don't do the same to this woman, she may see it as you feeling uncomfortable around her.
My attitude is that gay or bi people are just people like me with the same hopes and dreams, emotions. The one and only thing that may be different is their sexual preference. It doesn't stop me from liking them as a person. You may be saying and doing all the right things, but a big part of communication is not verbal, it's body language, facial expressions. Maybe she sees you looking up tight. I don't see anywhere where you can say she openly asked you to go out on a date with her or asked if you were gay. You said something first because of how she was treating you. I would have ignored it all and played 'stupid' to not picking up on the cues. That way there would be no words or actions from me that might tempt a person to poke fun at me but pretending to pursue me, even if not all that interested. So one thing you could do is act more like an office friend.
Once you seem less resistant to her, and she doesn't see you getting 'your feathers ruffled' so easily by her and her attention, then it will no longer be any fun to her if she's doing this to be obnoxious now. That's the pay off, she might think you're hot but knows that a romantic relationship is not going to happen but she continues on simply because she gets a kick out of your reaction. If I am right, she'll probably stop harassing and picking you out over everyone else once you treat her differently.
I know there are plenty of us who do not wish to be close friends with those we work with. Its almost like family. You get stuck with the parents and siblings you get, even though they may really differ from you so much you can't stand being around them for long. I can relate to that with my family and even to a degree with my own kids. Well, what you get in co-workers just comes with the job, you're kinda stuck with them too and have to make things work out so there is some semblence of peace, however tenuous it is. You may not want to be close buddies with her but if you've ever sat with other coworkers at lunch, be willing to sit with her at lunch. Maybe even ask her, of if going to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee or tea, ask her if you can refresh her mug since you're headed that way. May not be possible but just trying to give you ideas.
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You mentioned hearing this: "some people think if a woman hits on another woman then that makes the woman being hit on gay" I have never heard that in my life. I can only assume that somehow you are associating with people who either feel very uncomfortable around gay people, think its wrong, or just are very ignorant on the matter as they've not taken the time to learn. Could it be parents, your own friends, a church? You have to decide for yourself how you are going to treat people, even those who pester you. I'll bet it's body language she's picking up on. Your conscious mind might be at peace with the fact that gay and bi people can be anywhere in society, just like us, so more and more, we end up working with them, they are our neighbors, the clerk at our grocery, the barista's at our coffee shop. I used the last because two for sure were gay at the coffee shop I go to. They both have moved on to better jobs. I liked their humor and personalities. The gay female worker had her partner show up. It was close to closing and her partner was there to give her a ride home. She introduced us to her partner, same as a female might introduce her boyfriend or husband to an acquaintance or friend. I simply shook hands and said it was good to meet her, and shared a sentence or two with her. I knew they were going to move for her job and asked if they'd found a place. Showing the same kind of politeness and general interest I would show anyone. I know she started this all by laying on the flirting heavy. I think your reaction truly is what eggs her on. you are going to have to learn how to befreind coworkers you suspect of being gay without fearing they might think you interested in them sexually.
I find lots of younger people over reacting, not able to have friends of the same sex because they are always wondering if their friend is hitting on them. It wasn't like that when I was a kid. There was only one couple of girls who were a couple and one of them was a friend of mine. She was not interested in me other than just a friend and the same for me. I think people have forgotten how to feel oomfortable around people who are not hetero like them. They freak out wondering what they will have to say or do if flirted with. Heck I've been flirted with as an adult. As a teen growing up, I had girlfriends I could act close with, we could hug, snuggle, tease each other practicing flirting with boys on each other. One close friend and I even compared how our developing breasts looked in the privacy of her room. It was not a sexual thing. I've had a couple of bi women in the past for friends. If you're the same person who has written before and I suspect you are, then you know that ignoring her or what ever you are doing is not working.
NOw as to the entertwined cherries, I will pretend the remark of 'Those look good' while looking at me with something like, "Or are cherries your favorite fruit? Mine is Pears." I might even bring some cherries to work for lunch and bring extra and go hand her a baggie of them saying, "Since you like cherries, a treat for you" and place them on her desk. When any coworker mentioned things they liked, if it wasn't a big cost and I came across something simple they liked, I would sometimes bring it in to work. Your choice of words in describing her "here comes freak" tell me that your attitude is showing, a bit too much. I have a feeling that fate is going to continue to toss gay people into your life where ever you go until you learn your life lesson you need to learn. I can't tell you what it is, but it may just be something like learning to treat them just like everyone else and do not react to anything they say, do or any flirt as if you pick up on it as a flirt. There is nothing else anyone here can say. You're probably the one who has written in before. Not as many of us are actively answering on here as much as I and a few others. So writing us again is going to get you the same answers. If you write again, I will not repeat myself. Either run from it and look for another job where you are bound to meet more gay people, or give up and decide to learn to treat them as any normal person. Gayness has been around, a part of life for a long long time. It was just hidden in the past, except for farmers. Those raising sheep for example, I've read of farmers watching to see which male sheep went to try to mate with other male sheep. This was their way to choose which sheep to try to use to create more sheep and which ones to use for its meat. One wouldn't want to kill all the male sheep that are hetero to use for their meat, selling to market for that and having gay male sheep left that will not increase your herd. I am not remotely saying that gay people are not important or should be excuted. this is only an example to show that the fact of being gay, is even something that occurs with animals in nature. It isn't a new fad or something a person can change about themselves. Its not an educated humans choice to be that way. Animals do have the reasoning we do and yet there are gay creatures in the animal world as well. Time to get used to it. Accept it. Stop thinking that any friendly gesture is someone hitting on you. Yes, you may have the look but thats not whats keeping this one gal from bothering you. She is messing with you because in your heart and in your mind, somewhere deep down or subconscious, you are not comfortable with gay people. You don't have to be best friends with them but just treat as a coworker friend. An office can't run well if the workers all hate each other, are scared of each other or ignore each other.
Think about what I've said, and try to see if there isn't something you're doing that isn't causing her to mess with you like this. I'd be curious to hear what you come up with. Or let me know if its due to hearing anti gay stuff at church or if thats how you believe yourself. Its not my job to tell you what to believe but I can help you know how to navigate life to best way possible for you. Obviously, you're having a little trouble here. I can understand if you hear it preached at church or grew up hearing it from your parents and believe they are freaky people. There are still people who hate others for the color of their skin. However, there are laws to protect them from being picked on and that applies to gay people too. I knew a guy online who was a pastor who was not gay but was pastor of a church that accepted both gay and non gay people. That way, their supportive family or friends could be present for worship at the same place. If this is what you truly are struggling with, quit sharing the same story and be truthful with me and let me know what the real problem is. I won't try to change you. I don't know you and you don't know me and its anonymous on here anyways. Just be honest and maybe I can then determine what the real problem is and give helpful tips on what you can do to learn how to deal with this issue. It's not going to go away, so you will have to learn how to respond to it, and by that I don't mean change how you believe to accept it if you don't like the fact that such a thing as gay people exist.
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