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Wedding Dilemma
Ok so I work in an office with majority women and some male doctors..So two of the ladies in the office are getting married this year..One in June 23rd and the second in August 25th..both are nice people..and I’ve worked with them both for almost 8years now..my situation is such..The Lady getting married in June had a bridal showe and invited work staff but didn’t invite me...as you might assume I was pissed...we as an office were throwing one for her. before this happened...Another colleague told me she didn’t have a big space and that her maid of honour did the inviting etc..so my question to you all Is should I attend the office shower for her despite the fact I wasn’t invited to her original shower? Also should I go to the wedding? She gave me an Invitation Yesterday...and also the second lady didn’t even invite me to her wedding..she had another girl tell me she didn’t invite me...please give advice..
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WIth the first one, despite what went wrong with her friend handling the shower and leaving you out or if it was an overlook, you can't pin that on her because she did give you an invite to her wedding.
Whether attending showers or weddings, you shouldn't force yourself to go simply because you feel you have to because you were invited. I know it may look bad to others, but what really counts is that the person was at least a work friend if not a friend away from work as well. I was friends with all the ladies in a small office, 4 besides myself and when even birthdays came up, we'd all pitch in to take the coworker out to lunch for their birthday and the boss was okay with us all being gone from the office at the same time. I participated because I wanted to. When it was a company wide event for someone I did not really know, I did not participate just because it was a person who worked in the same company but not in my department. This would be like feeling obligated to do something special for everyone in your apartment building when a special date comes up for them. So that is point one, I have to make.
The second lady not inviting to her wedding is not an overlook. Brides pay attention to who is on the guest list and make sure everyone they want to have there was invited. To be pissed as you earlier said, shows that you are still young enough to care what other people think of you and base your feeling good about yourself on what other people say or do. As a result, your emotions probably get yanked about quite often in various situations. I'll bet this isn't the only one, just one that you are currently putting more importance on. My guess is she just worked with you but didn't feel necessarily like a work friend. Doesn't have to mean she hates you. IT works the same between women and between men or any people you meet as it does with meeting a mate, a mate has to have enough in common, and there has to be a level of attraction whether as a friend or as something more for any two people to really come together. I did not have any friends with whom i couldn't get along or did not care about at some level. I would not think of hanging out with anyone then or now that I don't feel that spark of camaraderie with from first meet. I may not hate a person or dislike them in any way, just not feel that spark of friendship with them. So you are simply taking it all personally, getting upset with what someone else may think of you and the more you dwell on it, the worse you will feel and theres a likelihood of imagining all the worst possibilities which may not even be true. If she really matters that much to you, then go to the office shower. I remember attending many office bridal showers and baby showers. But I wanted to. If I didn't, I could have volunteered to be the phone person taking messages for everyone who did attend. Also, since work friends were only friends at work and not friends I saw at all times in life, a truly close friend, any gifts I gave were in relation to how much that person was a part of my life. The gift would be nice but small, just a set of kitchen implements from a dollar store in a crockery to set on the counter next to the stove, or perhaps oven mitts or kitchen towels. If it was a dear close friend as well as someone I worked with, I might splurge on a gift. So don't feel guilty about what you get if you decide to go. All I know is that most everyone getting married or having a baby got more than one shower. My youngest daughter is the most recent example. SHe had a baby last June. Not a single person she worked with was invited to the shower I helped set up. My shower was covering all her friends from school she still stayed in touch with, her husbands relatives she felt close to and her own family relations. It never occurred to us to add coworkers. Usually coworkers, always host a separate shower and that's what she got, sharing with me afterwards, all the gifts she got from coworkers. If she had wanted to add in people from work, she would have given me the names so I knew how many to plan for with games and such.
How can you take something that hurt your feelings, and turn it into something positive. When it comes time for any shower for you, don't decide on a space to hold it until you know how many people are going to attend for one. You keep asking around until you find a place for free thats big enough. SOmeone may be able to book their apartment's community room for the shower, maybe a relative has enough space or check with local library as their extra rooms can be booked in advance and most often are free.
Second, in concern for the feelings of anyone at work maybe feeling left out, make an announcement that you will decide on location once you know how many want to attend. So you want to know that in addition to any work related shower if any, you want to know if anyone wants an invite to your other shower. That way, those to whom its more important can let you know they want to attend and you add them to the list to get final info to on date time and place. This helps your mom or best friend in planning the event based on size of attendance. You can take any bad experience you have in life and learn to think of others. YOu won't be the only one who has ever felt bad when being left out, even if it was a mistake. Of course there are better ways to handle such a situation in hindsight. So attend the work shower, enjoy yourself, and be determined to not do a repeat of what happened to you when your time for a shower comes.
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