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How to talk to my previous teacher about my self harm and depression?
17/f/South Africa
I asked a question about this two days ago but I wanna clarify things and make it more clear
So in grade 8 when I high school (14 years old) this teacher started at our school and it was her first year teaching so she was young (she's 26 now). She taught me biology and since grade 8 we were close and she was always there for me and knew about me than my friends and family and knew things like sexual abuse from a family member in the previous years and just everything. She left in 2016 to go teach overseas but I had her number and we still kept in contact and she said I must still always go to her and I did sometimes but not often cause I didn't wanna bother her. She always says I'm like her little sister because she isn't close to her sister and I definitely see her like another big sister. A few weeks ago I spoke to her when I was having a break down and I admitted a lot - I think I'm depressed and I relapsed with cutting a few times and we spoke for a couple hours and she gave me advice and she really calmed me down and I didn't cut for two weeks and she just really helped. When we were saying goodnight she asked me to keep her up to date with how I'm doing because she can't see me everyday anymore to make sure I'm fine. But now I've just been feeling worse and the cutting has gotten worse and she's the only person I can talk to but I don't want to bother her with this because she's on the other side of the world and she's 9 years older than me even though she says I can and I believe her I just don't wanna get annoying but I really wanna talk to her. But even if I do it's difficult because there isn't necessarily something specific making me feel like this I just do so I can't even explain how I'm feeling. What do I do? Do I message her? What do I say if I do. I also can't speak to my parents because when they found out I cut when I was 13 there was alot of drama and fighting and I don't wanna have to go through that again. We don't have school counsellors, it's a really small school. We have a counsellor on the church side but I wouldn't wanna speak to her because I've been to her before in grade 7 and it didn't help at all. So even though my teacher can't nessasarily help me get rid of depression, it's still nice to actually have someone to talk to and to listen and to get everything off my chest, but there isn't always something making me feel like this so I wouldn't have something to say to explain it. Sorry I know I copied and pasted and this but I needed to add some things in to clarify. Should I message her? And what do I say?
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I think you're over thinking this. She offered to help and listen. She gave you her phone number and says you're like a little sister. I'm sure she wants to help you any way she can. Having someone you can confide in is really awesome. You're lucky you have someone like that. Most people don't.
One thing I would say is to keep in contact somewhat regularly. You can call her now that you're depressed and have her listen. But don't ONLY call when you need help. Call her to say hi when you're not depressed too.
As far as what to say, just call to say hi, how things are going where she is, etc. Then bring up your thing.
By calling her just to say hi (without bringing up bad stuff) she won't feel that you're only using her to talk about your problems. You should cherish this friendship because she is someone you can confide in. Like I said, most people don't have someone like that.
There are good books on youtube to help with depression and changing your perspective. Unless you have some kind of chemical imbalance, our depression is only because of the perception that we hold onto and what we focus on. We see the world through the lenses of our perception. If you change your perception, things will seem a lot better. Eventhough they're actually the same.
One great way to move on from something is to accept "what is". When you fight against "what is" you will always be torn apart because you're "here" and want to be "there". Accepting what is doesn't mean you have to like it. But you DO have to accept it. Even if things are shitty. Accept it. Otherwise, you'll always believe that happiness lies "there" and you cannot be happy because you're "here".
Some good books are "the power of now" by eckhart tolle. "The 4 agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. Also "how to stop worrying and start living" by Dale Carnegie. You can find at least 2 of those on you tube, you can probably find them all if you look around.
I would advise to try and figure out what you get from cutting. Is it that you feel you deserve it? and so doing it you're getting your just punishment? Is it that it the pain makes you feel alive? If you can figure out what that provides for you, it'll be easier to get out of wanting to cut yourself in favor of something else that "fills the void".
Also, be sure to thank her and make her feel appreciated. Its nice to help someone, but its nicer to feel appreciated when you do. Sometimes I don't want to spend my time helping people on here because most of them don't rate or say thanks. I don't care about the rating, as much as that I know they read it. A "thank you" would be nice though. I don't even know if they read my response. Sometimes I'm on here for an hour and I don't know if they even read it, let alone a thank you. That makes me feel unappreciated and it makes me not want to spend more time on here. So if she is taking time to help you. Be sure you express your appreciation. So she wants to keep doing it.
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