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How do I get my parents to back off?
So everyone is starting to get worried because I’m turning 20 this year and I’ve still never been in a relationship, never dated or anything etc. Especially my dad he’s always bothering my sister and I about “where’s my boyfriend?” Even though I told my dad multiple times I have self-esteem issues and nobody finds me attractive anyways. In high school no guy has given me attention, they always went towards my friends I’ve also been called ugly multiple times by different guys in my grade so you can see how that impacted my self-esteem. Even my first day of grade 9 this one girl was trying to find a girlfriend for their friend and one girl pointed at my and the girl said “eww not her” as if I couldn’t hear her. Another thing is I was always told by my good friend that I’d be prettier if I started to wear makeup. At first back in high school that pissed me off but now that I’m older I understand what she means because makeup just enhances beauty anyways. Also my manager at my job can somehow sense I’m not confident in myself cause she also told me to start wearing makeup cause that’s what helped her build her self-esteem. Anyways with that being said because of how low my self-esteem is I don’t have the confidence to talk to guys, I literally stutter when I talk to attractive guys or stay quiet cause I feel like I don’t have anything good to say in general. My parents, my siblings and my friends are wondering when I’m going to get in a relationship. I can’t give them a solid answer cause I don’t know , obviously I have to grow up eventually I’m not getting any younger and should start experiencing life so does anyone have any tips on how I can get them to back off? (I do want to be in a relationship but you see my situation right?) also I have a baby face making me look 15 instead of 19 which sucks
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I do not understand why your parents believe there is something wrong with you because you have not dated yet at almost 20. There is nothing wrong with that. Even if you had plenty self confidence and you were happy with your looks, and you were hit on alot, that does not mean you will be guaranteed to find a guy you even want to date.
Perhaps they married young or are from another country where it is common to date and marry early?
Or they are afraid you may be gay due to not dating a guy. Either way, they need to be supportive. All you can do for now is to have talk with them and let them know that you are not gay but you are working on your self confidence. And when you are ready, you will date but not before then. Then ask them to be supportive of your wishes. Remind them it is not their job as your parents to push you towards dating and besides, you are now an adult and will make your own decisions. You do not want advice from them unless you ask for it. It is actually rude and uncaring to give advice that is not wanted but you understand they did so in the past because they love you. However you are asking that they stop putting the pressure on you.
You could do the make over but that still only changes your outward appearance and that will not fool a guy for long. If a guy does ask you out and he finds you can barely hold a conversation.
I once read a report done on what was more important for a man to be attracted to women. There were average women to model types. The average looking women had self confidence where as the model types in this test did not. After initionally being attracted to the looks, most the men left the good lookers and were drawn to the ones with self confidence. It's true that men worth having will find the beauty that goes deeper than just the skin, who you are inside. write to me from my column if you want the instructions on what to do to gain self confidence. I read it in a womens magazine and tried it and it worked. I'd be glad to share it if you feel ready and want to do it.
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First I do not believe there is such a thing as truly ugly. You do have self-esteem problems that I feel working with a professional to over come is in order. Now that your working your health insurance sill cover most of the cost or should.
IF you look at outer beauty as gift wrapping designed to attract then you have half the battle done. Outer beauty is gift wrapping. It is what is underneath in the box that makes the present and you are a gem among gems. What you need to do is enhance the wrapping a bit and find a way to let guys see what is in the box that is really the attraction to relationships.
No I'm not talking about sex or how good you may be in bed. I'm talking about the inner you. The person guys bring home to meet their mothers. So how do you go about this.
Start with going to a Beauty Parlor and seeing a hair stylist and finding a hair style that enhance your facial features. Then go to a department store makeup counter when the Cosmetologist is there and let her show you how to apply make up to enhance your natural features and what make up to use. This takes care of the outer wrapping. Now we need to find guys.
There are two ways you can go about this. One is to use the dating sights such as Dating.com. My son used one of these sights to meet his wife. He had not trouble meeting girls. The problem was meeting someone that would put up with kissing him good-bye in the morning not knowing if she would see him again the following morning. You see my son is a fire fighter. My daughter in-law told us at first she didn't want to answer his ad but she did and she fell in love with him. She decided she would take any time she could have with him.
The nice thing about these sights are you can custom fit the person your looking for. By the time you actually meet after exchanging emails and phone conversations your not really strangers.
The second way to meet guys is to sit down with pencil and paper and make a list of things you lie to do and things you would like to do if you had friends to do them with. Different hobbies you might like or want to do like photography or cooking. Yes men like to cook. Hiking, camping bird watching whatever you would feel comfortable doing and talking about. Once you have your list look fro clubs or adult classes in in your area for these thing. Don't forget to look at the Department of parks and Recreation as well.
Attend a club meeting or class to see if you like it; if you do join. When you have an interest in the topic of conversation it is easier to talk with anyone. Club or classroom conversation turns in to coffee or drinks after the class or meeting and then if things are right move on to relationships.
Walking up to someone you don't know and starting a conversation is something the majority of us cannot do. So don't beet yourself down on this.
As for what to say to your parents there is not much you can say. They are being a bit old school thinking at your age you need to have a man. They are worried you will be all alone once they are gone. Just assure them you are happy for know and when Mr. Right comes along you'll let them know.
Suggestions are; find a psychologist to help you with your self-esteem problem. Fixing that must happen before you can have a real relationship. Then you can if you wish follow one of my two suggestions for finding someone to have a relationship with.
One other thing; Stop thinking of yourself as ugly, you're not. You just have to make some adjustments to the wrappings to enhance how the inner you, the beautiful you is wrapped. Don't be so hard on yourself and allow yourself to have some fun. Now is the time to have fun.
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