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Does this guy like me?
I know this is long and not many people like to read long questions, but I'd appreciate it. I'd especially like to hear from guys who can interpret what it means when a guy behaves this way, or girls who have been in a similar scenario.
I'm a 14 year old female. So there's this guy I see in Drama Club almost daily since we have rehearsals for our upcoming musical often. Let's call him J. I'll mention two other boys later, let's call them X and Y. I suspect he has feelings for me though he doesn't really express it directly. You see, I'm a very direct person; I say what I feel and what I think, but he doesn't seem to be like that.
What I notice about J that makes me think he likes me in a more than a frend way is that he just seems to be nicer to me. What I mean by this is he has a gentler voice when speaking with me, and just seems so much nicer. He's kind of a dickhead to other people but not to me. If other people call his name, he may ignore them, but he's always very responsive towards me. The only time I've seen him genuinly display anger or sadness is if something or someone is bothering me, and he is always quick to comfort me which he never does with other people or even himself. He's also nice and friendly to my friends in a similar way, but to a lesser extent. He's the nicest to me.
Once, I was complaining to him and a few other people about X who was bugging me for not liking him back. Then J got very angry, and said he thinks he knows who X is. I said his full name, and he said he did know him. After that day, X stopped completely. Then there's this kid Y, a close friend of J, who is in the drama club as well, that I thought seemed pretty rude. I joked that I think Y has a problem with me, and J got upset again. He assured me that I'm not the problem, then left immediately. After that, Y starts acting extremely friendly around me. That, paired with the fact that J's friends always treat me with the upmost respect despite the fact that most of them are slightly dickheadish as well is too much to be a coincidence.
I think I like him. I think he's funny, smart, and mature for his age, and we've got a lot in common. I think he has a sensitive and sweet side to him, he just only shows it to me. I wish I knew 100% that he has a crush on me so that I could have a crush on him without worrying I'll get dissapointed. Do you think he likes me? What should I do?
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HI there. The most likely answer is that he likes you. I will explain. One thing I have learned about males is that they liked to feel needed by a female. Maybe for some its the one they are interested in but for others they are always willing to help a female who needs help with something. That's my husband. When the older neighbor ladys clothes line fell down, he noticed it when we were over visiting he volunteered to put it back up for her. It could be largely in how the boy in question is raised, with parents teaching him to treat females gently and use their manners around them. The being of help to a damsel in distress can be taught but in most, it was just naturally there, as part of their character. You did not ask him to solve a problem but he listened closely to you and heard what sounded like a problem he could easily help you with by having a talk with x and Y.
Most teens are so absorbed with their own issues that they don't think to show a level of concern and care for others. Since he is quick to comfort you, that is a sign of really caring about the other person, hard for someone to do unless they already have some kind of feelings for that person. Then there's the fact that he talks softer with you than with others. I am glad you are noticing these traits in him. Some guys find it easy to say the words "I love you" but then they treat you the total opposite, like my ex husband. I fell for it once but won't again. So remember, it's not the words that can be totally relied on but how he backs up those words by treating you or in this case how he treats you even though he hasn't spoken the words 'directly'. As long as his actions show he cares about you. Now, there are not many boys who during HS are ready for telling a girl they like her, to date her. Relating to the opposite sex is something new and it will be a process of gaining experience and gaining self confidence before you see more males being bolder and more direct. I want you to also keep in mind in your dating years ahead that often a guy is as scared as girls are to make the first move and say something or do something. But there is another reason, that of being a gentleman. Such a male doesn't want to pressure the female or scare her off by making advances of any sort. In fact, my 2nd husband made no move to kiss me after we'd known each other a week and I kissed him first. When he realized I wasn't just attracted to his friendship but also a romantic attraction, he never held back again. Since J is already acting the part of a gentleman, there's always a slight chance that when he is ready, he still won't make the first move. It doesn't have to happen soon dear. At this age, it is a good thing to start with just becoming best of friends. And as adviceman mentioned, allow him time to grow, mature and get used to the hormones changing his body. If you continue to remain friends the whole year, perhaps in a year if not two, he may to ready to let you know how he feels.
I give everyone this special thing to say to determine if a person likes them only as a friend but not romantically. If you save this somewhere and state it is I write it, you will learn if the person welcomes more or not.
"Hey J, since we've been doing so well as friends all this time, it got me to wondering if we could do just as good being more than friends. What do you think? Should we try it?"
This is not scary or pressure on the other person because there is no declaration of liking or loving the other. Then you also ask their opinion as if you will be okay no matter what the answer so they feel more comfortable to tell the truth and answer no if they don't have the same feelings. But a guy who may be shy will find this the perfect opportunity to further the relationship and will answer yes.
So as to what to do right now, just enjoy being friends with him. Invite him to hang out as friends doing something that you both have in common.
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From what you write I think J does like you. Understand one thing about boys your age. BY maturity you are at the least one to two years older than a boy your same age. A boy 14 does not know how to express himself to a girl. Certain biological changes caused by puberty are taking place that cause certain things to happen that he can't control and it is embarrassing when it happens. When he gets a year or two older and his body has gotten use to these chemicals puberty has given him and hopefully he has gained some confidence around girls he will be able to express his feelings better.
When I was his age what you have written about J could have been written about me. My first girlfriend actual came to me. She invited me to the Sadie Hawkins Dance and we became a couple for the rest of the school year. Then her father was offered a new job and they moved. By them and with her help I was much more confident around girls and was able to hold my own.
My advice would be to let J know you like him and would like to see him out side of school. I'm the age of a grandfather now so I don't know exactly what kids your age do after school. Whatever it is invite him to go with you. Doing this will let him know that you are as interested in him as you feel he is in you.
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