|
Got rejected by my classmate(boy)
Hi :)im a girl ,18,
I told my classmate(boy) i like him 1 and hald year ago....he rejected me ...and now im in my last year of high school , i kinda got over him, but i still feel something to him. Even after all this i still want to be friend with him . I learned that he like another of my girl classmate , but she rejected him. But even after she rejected him, he still talks to her, he is always laughing with her, teasing her, always near her. But it hurts seeing him do that, even after kind of getting over him. Like he doesnt care if it hurts me, ot doesnt know it. But what hurts me even more is that he doesnt talk to me at all, to him im invisible. He talks to every girl in my class but me. He comes to them and hugs them and asks them how are they. And im invisible to him, he just looks at me and then go his way.
The question is: why is he acting to like that, like im invisible. And doesnt he know that he hurts me when he is always talking to a girl that he likes, or is he just so careless about what is it doing to me . Why does he keep hurting me and doesnt care about me at all ?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
Hi there.
Remember an earlier question of yours: Question Posted Friday February 24 2017, 5:11 pm
Hi :) , i gave him a "valentine message" telling him that i never should've told him about my feelings for him , and asking him why he doesn't.talk to me...he then spoke to me and told me that its good that i told him about my feelings and he also told me that the reason he doesnt speak to so much than to other girls is that that he know other girls better than me and that he has more lessons with them than with me...also yesterday at school , i met him at the lockers before the school started and it was less awkward...but even after we talked it still hurts me so much., i want to get over him.so badly but i cant, not only he's good-looking, but i cant be mad at him bc he's so good as a person, i never wanted to fall in love with him,i dont want to have feelings for him, i just want to be friend with him . . .
I know theres more to that question plus many more that all point to not feeling accepted and loved by family, (your twin) and friends. I also know that in our teen years, all teens are more concerned or worried about being accepted, liked, wanted, valued and their angst causes them to crawl into a hole with their negative thoughts and feelings where it will only stew and not go away or get better. Considering this was written February and it is now 1 ½ years later that your friendship, like/ love was not returned, it tells me that what you have been doing or not doing it not helping you. Some of it is simply just growing older and getting a different perspective, becoming more self confident and losing the feeling of constantly having to measure up to be liked.
So I see your issues as more than just this guy you can't get over but not feeling accepted and liked/loved by others as well. In your recent question you don't mention what he said to you when you asked why he doesnt talk to you. I do not believe he felt free to share the truth and gave you what would seem like a reasonable logical answer, an answer that I believe gave you false hope that he might be interested in you as a friend or more.
While I will agree it wasn't the best action to take, even I in HS didn't have much of a clue to seeing beyond the obvious, or understanding some basic human psychology. He doesn't know you as well as them? Haha. All he had to do to know you as well as he knew them was to spend more time with you IF, (and the word if , is important) he was interested and attracted to you as a friend, to your personality, etc. So having classes in common is also no valid excuse. I had friends that I used to have in classes but no longer had by last year in HS, and that didn't p revent us from sitting together at lunch every day or spending time together away from school since we were close friends. I was shy, introverted and had social anxiety during my childhood and HS years. That will affect how others see a person. It did to me. I can't blame them. The reason I found people just like myself to feel invisible to me is that there was nothing that stood out about them, I found people who were too quiet or too anxious, uninteresting and unappealing for me to approach. I wanted to be a friend, not a teenagers shrink. That was me. That may not be you but I'm betting there is something that other teens do not know how to handle or what things are most important to value. We are still learning this at that age. In the process of learning and sometimes not doing something the best way possible, we can unintentionally hurt others.
I just attended my 40th HS reunion this summer. I was surprised that so many people there were more reserved when I 've done a complete flip and ended up being one of the most outgoing self confident people there. I was also surprised to have a gal apologize to me. I had no idea what for and asked. She said she was socially anxious when in HS and felt bad she hadn't reached out to befriend me. I don't think she could have back then, I suffered from the same and know how hard it was. I understand you do reach out but others don't obvious respond excitedly or at all. Still, they have their own teenage angst and things they suffer from. Even those I felt were the most popular and together people in HS and wished I was like them, well no longer. I have surpassed so many of them and what I thought was self confidence and popularity in them then, was not what I thought it was. I saw people hanging out only with those they recognized or knew well or had kept in touch with. Of course I looked for those I knew too. But not all looked like they did in HS so I had no idea who they were. Many were standing around talking to no one and I was the social butterfly, going up and talking to every single person there, acknowledging, finding those I clicked with well, but not ignoring others. I came away from a reunion of only 80 to 100 people out of a large class, having 15 new facebook contacts and some of those came a week or so after the reunion. You can not base your self worth on what others think of you during childhood or even HS. We all have lots of maturing to do yet.
Now as to this guy you still like. The feelings you find are still there and won't go away, well they wont go if you keep thinking of him and focusing on him. Our minds can be our worst enemy sometimes and it would seem that is happening here. Thoughts of him creep up constantly and as they do, you dwell on them and rue the fact he is not acting interested. Then the emotions get hooked in, just like they do when you are focused on a movie and getting angry or crying at the sad parts. Each time he comes to mind, tell yourself to stop thinking about him, that he is not interested in you. You will have to retrain your mind to stop thinking of him and daydreaming of a friendship that most likely never will be. Look at yourself for example, you are not physically attracted or interested in every guy in HS. Im betting there's reasons for that. No matter how old you get, there will always be people you feel you don't click with and the same goes vice versa.
You yourself said how wonderful a guy he is. You recognized qualities in him that drew your attention. Actually you are doing something right here. Starting with the days we enter puberty, females begin to notice certain things about a guy, not just looks but how he treats females and others, how kind and nice they are, etc. We dream of being in a wonderful relationship with a guy who loves us as deeply as we love him and being mindful of, recognizing the qualities that resonate with yourself is something we need to do along the way so we won't waste our time on guys who are not good candidates for a bf or more. Keep updating and refining this list, an actual list and use it to compare every guy you ever meet or find physically attractive. I found plenty who were attractive to me and me to them but beyond that, there were things I didn't like of their personality or major character flaws that came to light and I realized the guy was wrong and stopped seeing him or trying to even be friends. Keep a real list on your phone or computer and update it with new things you discover you want in a guy and keep true to yourself and what you know is best for you.
It takes guys lots longer to realize what makes a female special. When younger, males tend to only look at the outside, how a female looks but not at who she is on the inside. Males tend to wake up to this fact and look at the whole female. We all, males and females alike, have been brainwashed to believe a certain type of person is more desireable. That is what Dustin Hoffman -actor- explains in an interview regarding a role in which he played a woman in the movie 'Tootsie'. He is so emotionally touched by what he shares that he struggles with crying. Its only a couple minutes but so revealing:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I hope you understand that you are starting to see qualities in a guy that you like, not because he is interested in you as well or should be, but because you need to collect from all your experiences of people you meet, those strangers you see from a distance and admire a quality you see or those who are friends or bf's. Make your mental note as I did.
Here's my example. I was married and knowing the marriage wasn't going to get better. I married too young and didn't know any better, but thats okay, I began to learn from my not knowing better. Eventually I divorced but while still married, I remember one man I saw a quality in that I tucked away in my notes to look for if I got a second chance at love. I was standing outside an Ivars seafood bar, no seating inside, this was for people to pick up and take home or eat at the nearby beach. No one was standing in lines, just a crowd so when a cashier yells out, who's next? depending on those standing there before you walked up, most of us had a general idea who was next. A man with his arm around his wife speaks up loudly and gestures to the old lady standing next to them, i was behind them, and says, I believe this young lady here is next. The woman just began to glow and smiled and said thank you and went up to the counter next. For one thing, she wasn't young, but he choose to go beyond just saying, you go ahead or 'its this person here'. Even though he was with his wife, he was still cognicent of other females and their need to be complimented as a person, not because he was interested in them. Perhaps he really did get there before her but was trying to be a gentleman or simply a nice person to someone else, in no personal hurry, though he was obviously there for the same reason as others, we were all hungry. In that moment, I knew I wanted to find a man like that someday....and I did after I divorced. I recognized the right qualities in him when I first even read his response to me in an on line dating site. We met in person a week later and what I picked up on in his writing was also present in his behavior. We both fell in love with each other right away. Is he anything like that guy at Ivars? Oh heck yes! And its so wonderful to be married to a man who treats all women with respect, as equals but is always willing to help or be a gentleman when the need arises. He compliments women on their necklace, or something to brighten up their day and in 8 years with him, only once did I see a woman respond with confusion, knowing I was with him and wondering how I could tolerate my husband complimenting her. She looked so nervous and confused I had to bite my cheeks on the inside to keep from laughing aloud. This is but one example of how important such a list is, at any age. I refined mine many times when there was something I thought I would tolerate but once experiencing it, realized I could not handle that in a mate. Be patient hon, it gets better. I don't believe he is purposely trying to hurt you, he simply is not interested at all, even as a classmate or friend and at his age, he hasn't learned yet what my husband and Dustin Hoffman know. Do watch that video. Even my husband was blown away when coming across this video, maybe because he also knows that lots of men never get it. But a lot do eventually get it, just not in their teens or twenties. It seems men start to appreciate character of a woman equally with their attraction to her looks not until in their 30s if they are ever going to at all. I've watched videos in the past of a team of guys who did youtube videos for women on tips on realationships, explaining dating and other things regarding men. I remember one saying in looking back to his college days of how he missed the best opportunity to be with a woman perfect for him but did not care about that stuff yet and knows he hurt her badly in a breakup and wishes to this day it had never happened like that but relationship wisdom is not often something young people have much of if any at all.
]
More Questions: |