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talking to a guy online
I had no idea what category to pick for this. I'm probably going to sound crazy and weird, but I just want an opinion.
I'm 20/F. I recently started chatting with a guy on a forum dedicated to a sexual fetish.
In school, we were always taught to be cautious because you never know if the person you are talking to online is a random middle aged man trying to use you. Well, ironically enough, the guy I'm talking to is almost 50, but he's not trying to use me and he isn't acting creepy at all. He's been quite clear about his age, and he knows my age. He's told me that he's married and has three daughters around my age. He's very polite and respectful, and tells me he doesn't want to cross any of my boundaries because he likes talking to me.
We've been talking quite a bit over the past couple weeks. Despite the topic usually being related to the fetish, our conversations are not
at all sexual, mostly given the age gap, though I wouldn't be comfortable with it in any situation. There are brief mentions of being excited or aroused, but that's it. Zero details, nothing more than a mention. I'd describe it as a friendship based on a shared interest.
I've been pretty careful, despite how nice he's being. The only things he really knows are my age and what country I live in. I haven't given him my name, and he hasn't pushed for it. He hinted once, but I told him I was uncomfortable giving it to him, and he immediately backed off. (I suppose I could easily give a fake name, but he's calling me by my favourite colour right now, and I quite enjoy it). We've sent a few pictures to each other, but none nude and none showing faces.
I just want to know if you think this is an okay thing for me to be doing. He doesn't seem creepy at all, just friendly and lonely, and he isn't pushing for anything. A couple times he's said things that he thought might be crossing a line and proceeded to apologize several times before I told him I wasn't at all uncomfortable with what he had said. To me it feels like a relatively harmless relationship, but I would like an outside opinion.
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It is really hard to say as there is information missing here. Leave out the mutual fetish for a moment and just look at the age difference. A 50 year old male chatting with a 20 year old female is in itself a bit suspect in this day and age. Sexual predators are all very nice to begin with and to win your confidence and trust. This is the norm for most sexual predators. Now in your instance you have a shared sexual fetish.
There is nothing wrong with sexual fetishes. My personal belief is what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. As long as both parties consent it is no one else's business.
There is also nothing wrong with a 20 year old and a 50 year old having a friendly relationship. What bothers me is the details you have shared about how concerned and apologetic he is if he feels he has crosses the line. This sounds very much like a sexual predator to me.
It is a bit unusual for a sexual predator to be looking at someone your age usually they want younger teenage girls. Then again not knowing what the fetish is he may need to seek out someone your age. Someone who is more willing to be sexually experimental or sexually open to fetishes.
I'm old enough to be your grandfather and if you came to me, which you have, with this question my advice would be as follows. This guy is throwing all kinds of red flags with me. I would suggest to you in the strongest possible manner that you break it off with him before you get any further involved with him. As I said above I believe he is a sexual predator and he is seeking to gain your trust. Once he feels he has your trust and confidence he will try to get you to meet with him. Meeting with him is a big NO.
Tell him flat out you have discussed this with others and they have advised you to end the relationship and you are. Then block him from your social webpage.
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