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do guy friends ever talks about sex with their female frends?
Right, I'm sorry but it's little too long. known him for a year but we both have partners yet we do tease and joke. we just get along. he's got good sense of humour. very nice guy. basically, we can talk about any topics but not sex until he started to ask very recently, when I'm rushing with the project he asked like (jokey but not in a gross way) are you this wild in bed oh I like wild, I said I think I'm ok, told him come on, this is embarrassing chatting about the sex with you he said, we both are adults and we're friends so it shouldn't matter. I said ok but I'm little embarrassed, he said I'm sorry, won't bother you talking about sex then, that moment I couldn't resist and I ended up saying I love sex as I do and don't mind anytime, when I said don't mind anytime he was like alright ok (you're like me then he wanted to say probably coz I could tell by his face expression). asked me about the position and how'd I like it, I said I'm normal, asked him back the same question he said hard, we just laughed afterwards. I think we like each other I think he knows I like him because this guy at college was hitting on me one time and I said no chance with that guy and he asked me do I have a chance with you (few times), I asked back what do you think? he said don't know yeah if we both are single, yes you have a chance with me and he smiled. So, do male friends talks like this with their female friends or just messing about? or is he starting to have a feelings for me or nothing else? could I have an honest feedback please? sorry for the long details. thank you ever so much
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I love and totally support what Adviceman had to say. The best long term relationship/marriage do start as friends and at some point as the two get to admire more than just what attracted their attention on the outside, will find themselves having deeper feelings for each other as they get to know the person inside.
In case you are entertaining thoughts about the kind of guy who goes to a female friend to be his
'wingman' or that person he can ask all sorts of questions to help understand females, it is entirely possible for long time friends to feel comfortable enough to ask each others thoughts on sexual stuff. However you have only known each other a year. So its more likely he is not asking what you like because of something his girlfriend says females don't like in sex. Everyone is different after all.
Therefore I feel he must have found he is having doubts about her making the perfect sexual partner. In the beginning, dating is just a learning process to discover more about a person you are visually attracted to, to discover if they can make a great friend and if there is enough sexual attraction and ability to be each others sexual equal. I will explain that as having most importantly the same level of libido, how often a person wants to have sex. Some do not require often and are happy with once a week or twice a month and thats okay for them, there is no right or wrong amount. Others want sex a couple times a week, once every day or a couple times a day. The trick is to finding someone who wants it as much as the other or close enough so they can compromise. my exhusband was not a good sexual match and didn't want sex hardly at all where I wanted it a lot more. Then theres how willing both are to try new things, maybe role playing, different positions, fetishes, bdsm, etc. I know most people don't like talking about sex like this and feel uncomfortable but this is actually a very important area of a relationship and without, a partner will become frustrated and either go cheating, or end a relationship. I am not your normal, average person. 2nd time around, I got on a dating site and did what Adviceman mentioned, having a list. My list was of what traits I was looking for in a man. So when you make a list of qualities in your male friend, vs your bf, you'd first need to know what is most important to you. Here's where I can help.
I made a list of criteria a guy had to meet for me to consider even meeting him in person to see if we could feel chemistry...matching pheromones which one can't pick up on the net or on the phone but in person. When I met with men, I was the one to bring up the topic of sex because that was important to me. Most guys were taken aback and shocked and I told them I had learned the hard way in life what works for me and what doesnt.
The list you need is one of Needs. Not to be confused with Wants. A need is a must have, non negotionel and if not present in a guy, a deal breaker. A want is the little extra, like icing on a cake. It's a preference you have for something but if he doesn't have that trait, it would not be a deal breaker.
Examples of each:
A deal breaker, you want kids someday. He grew up in a family of 8 kids and never wants to have any kids. That would be a deal breaker. You must not attempt to change a persons mind to do something they still do not want. No one should change who they are for anyone for that persons sake but only make improvement changes they want. Having kids or not is not an personal improvement change, just personal preference.
A want that is not a deal breaker: I wanted a guy with long hair, who loves to dance. My 2nd husband has the long hair but he doesnt dance. I was willing to let that go as he had all the other qualities I needed and wanted. No one is going to fit exactly the Mr. Right image but you need to be sure that the parts that are not the best match are not things that would be detrimental to a relationship, cause strife or a break up.
It is entirely possible for a person to be dating someone they thought was the best they ever met and suddenly they meet someone they realize is better than the one they are with and in comparison realize now that staying with the first partner would be settling for less. A commitment to date and be bf or bf is not a commitment to a life long relationship, whether married or not. But some take dating as that serious. There are couples who have not married but dated and decided they both are happy with each other and no longer want to search for anyone else and they both voice their decision to commit to each other. The other such commitment is getting engaged and married.
So don't let the fact that he is currently dating someone else or you too, hold you back from thinking you have to stick with the current partners. Even if a couple has made a life time commitment like marriage, how many of those end when we grow wiser as time goes by and realize the person we are married to just is not the right one.
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Some guys have girl "friends" that may be like big sister that they can talk about anything with. The girl that lived next door to me was like that and still is some forty odd years later. While I did have a sibling sister she was much younger than me and some things need a sister closer to my age that's where the girl next door came in. I was the brother she never had.
To answer your question yes she was and is a beautiful women and I would have loved to get to know her in the biblical sense as our parents would have called it. IT just wasn't to be we were to close to see each other in any other way but brother and sister.
In your case I believe he has developed feelings for you and is trying to feel you out to see if those felling may be mutual. Asking questions about sex may be the wrong way to go about it though. But he may be timid in the fact that while he would like to have a relation ship with you he is fearful of loosing you as a friend.
You say he is a good guy that you get along but that you both have partners. May I make a suggestion. Many great long lasting marriages start off from great friendships. If you can see him as something other than a great friend then sit down and compare your partner to him. Do a comparison on paper. on the left side put down everything you are looking for in a husband/companion. then draw a line down the center of the page and put there names a top each side of the divider and check of each attribute you want against each of them and see who stacks up the best.
If he comes out ahead of your present partner then tell him you could see yourself in a relationship with him but he needs to do the same comparison you did. Why because you should not break up your present relationships until you are sure you two are compatible. Once he has done his then you compare the to comparisons and see how compatible you actually are.
Being good sexual partners is not a way to build a relationship. In fact you are building on quicksand if that is all you have in common with a partner; for at some point you wake up and need to talk with one another and find you have nothing in common. That is when the relationship and or marriage heads down hill.
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