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My best friends wants me to get an apartment with her 2yo?
Hi there, so to make a 4 year long story short, my best friend got married to a guy who's just all around bad news after getting pregnant with his son 2 years ago.
Throughout the entire time her family and I have been trying to get her away from him because he's physically and mentally abusive, makes her work while he sits at home and plays games, hates all her friends and family, leaves her and comes back all the time, has sold her prescription medication, and is just a disgusting person.
Her family and I eventually gave up on trying to get her away from him and now her family has also put a stop to giving her endless amounts of money whenever she runs short (a lot) because he always spends it.
Anyways, she finally sees the light and wants to leave him, but she said it would be difficult to get a place of her own with the child and she wants to get a place with me.
The upsides to this are that she has a good job and without him in the picture she could actually save a good portion of her money and I know she'd pay rent fine. I have a great time with her whenever we go out so I think living with her would be comfortable. She wants to move to an area that's close to the university I'm trying to transfer into in the next 1-5 months. It actually might be a godsend because I can't afford housing on my own either and it would be nice to not live in college housing.
The downsides are that I'm 22 and not really into living with somebody's 2 year old. I mean if she kept all his stuff in his own room that's one thing, but last time I was at their house his toys and stuff were all over the living room. If he started screaming all the time I would get really mad. If she ditched me on a lease to go live with her husband again I would be screwed...I'd want only her name on the lease just in case.
Other than that, she's a really clean person and we both love to cook and do all the same things. Her husband and baby are my only concerns.
What do you guys think?
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I think the two year old is the lesser of the issues. Her husband is the top problem. He is a controlling person who will not want to give up control of her. Even if she is determined to not return to him, that wouldn't stop him from just stopping by the place, uninvited, or stalking her. If there are threats, it can vary to harming her or the son, entering and destroying your belongings in the apartment.
I do feel that having her for a roommate is a good solution to both your issues. However, she may want to be working with an advocate on women's abuse to know what steps to take next. That may include giving police reports when she's received threats from him, put a restraining order on him, and starting the precedings for separation and divorce.
I know that her husband is the risk of her wanting to go back and leave you without a roommate. Even if her name only was on the rent contract, she could cancel if she doesn't worry about her credit rating and you not being on the contract have no place to live and must not only find a new roommate but get accepted for the new lease. So you may as well both of your names on the lease.
As for a 2 year old. yes, kids can mess up a place pretty quickly. Whether he keeps toys to his room or is trained to put any in the main living area back in toy box once done is entirely up to what the mother of the child teaches. I hope you've had time to observe her with the child to know if she has been able to train him. And yes, children that young can be trained. Its usually by age two that an adult can watch a child and know if they have parents that are right on top of molding the childs character. The twos are not as terrible if a parent is really involved. However you may simply feel awkward around kids cus you don't have any yet. Or maybe you are more the type of female who is so sure that she would never be okay having her own kids and all kids drive you crazy, even well behaved ones. When you are that type of person who does not like children at all, thats the only person I can for sure say would regret moving in with a mom with child.
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