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why is he saying all this?
Hey,
Right, truly sorry it's long. I caught him looking at me while he we were in our project, asked him what's he looking at, he said he likes looking at me, I said stop looking at me like that otherwise you're going to fall in love with me, he slightly smiled and asked me would you like me to fall in love with you (about 4 times, oh my god, I was so blushed I covered my face when he asked me back), I said no, not in this life, maybe next life as we both have gf and bf, you can't fall in love with me, he said who says so, I could be, I could fall in love with you, I said no not in this life, he asked me back are you going to be my lover then with a smile, I said no, I've always been a gf. told him I'm embarrassed you saying we could be lovers, he's like come on, we both are adults. also I'm going away for 2 weeks and he was like where you going (few times) I said why, he said because we're good friends. we're friends. we get on well with banter and tease. guys, what's he saying ? Is he testing me or actually likes me? or am I dwelling too much? I like him though and I think at some stage he knows that. please help!!! thanks
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You need to understand that the really good guys do not tease and pretend when they say such things, just to get in a girls pants. A player might. But to be honest, all males are going to be interested in having sex eventually with a girl they are very interested in. If a guy was not interested, he would not say the things he did which are open and encouraging. All he is waiting now for is some positive response from you.
Yes it is entirely possible to be dating someone or engaged or married to someone and not entirely happy with them and knowing its not the best fit but willing to settle for less, for the time being unless someone more suited for you comes along. With marriage, people are more willing to try to work things out. But a person shouldn't change who they are to be perfect for someone.
So what matters is how you feel about your current boyfriend and what he thinks of his current girlfriend. If the current partners for either of you are just 'place holders', then both of you could do better. But both of you would have to be willing to break up in order to be available again. Don't put off a break up simply because you are afraid of the bf being hurt. Everyone feels hurt in a break up. You need to make your decision because of who is the better fit as a partner for you. It might be that your male friend will not consider breaking things off with his current gf, until you have given him some positive feedback, input that can not be mistaken, so he is sure of how you feel before he makes that approach. SO unless he is a guy who is unfaithful and plays around all the time with females, his saying he might. I just answered another question quite differently of someone going away for 2 weeks. But that question did not have all this info. so in case that was you, ignore my other answer. Here I have what i need to know for sure my answer has to be different. Guys do not continue to look at females even to the point of staring if they are not interested in them as more than friends. A male with female friends who has a sweetheart already will most likely enough looking at her more than any other female he finds cute or beautiful. Males like looking at females, they are wired that way. Theres nothing wrong with it. You enough looking at breathtaking vista's as you are on vacation traveling, right? Who doesn't enjoy looking at something they find beautiful. That alone isn't enough to mean they are also seeking more than just enjoying the sight. However, his answers to you show he'd be open to at least trying dating to see if you both get along well. If he wasn't willing, he would not have encouraged you with what he said. You reveal that you like him. Good. Do you want to find out if you can grow from liking him to loving him and discovering if he would make the perfect person to settle down with for life, either with or without a marriage certificate? If you are willing, say the following to find out where he stands.
You have said you could possibly fall in love with me. I like you well enough and realize that it is possible I might too. But I'd need to know for sure. So since we get on well as friends, what do you say to us breaking off with our current bf/gf's and start dating to check if its possible.
Theres different kinds of dating. Dating is a way to discover more about an individual to find if theres enough in common and you could enjoy each others company and fall in love with who they are, or whether there are behaviors not good for you or detrimental to a healthy relationship. Then there's those who date because they are just starting to check out a person and believe they have made a commit to them with only accepting an invite to a couple dates. That is not a commitment though it seems lots of females today seem to think it is. And then they are disappointed when a guy breaks up. Dating should be mainly a investigative period of time of seeing each other, and this can and probably should include how well one gets along sexually unless they have religious beliefs that go against that. I know you may still have some feelings for the current bf, but it may not be strong enough to sustain a long term relationship for, well . . . long term. That fact that this all is important enough for you to write to ask for advice reveals that even if not consciously, at least subconsciously this is important to you to find out because there is enough curiousity and interest to want to know for sure. You don't want to make a mistake and go with the wrong guy for life. I do know that if you ignored this and married someone else and had kids with them, that sometime in the future it will begin to bother you, always wondering if perhaps your 'okay' marriage could have been more like an exceptionally wonderful marriage if you had just tried dating him and seeing where it led.
Let me also tell you more about investigative dating as I will call it, men mostly do this but females do sometimes. After a divorce, I did. But you have to be up front with any guys you want to go out with, hang out with, date, to learn more about. Surprisingly, until a real commitment is made on both parts, males are really okay with knowing you are going to be go out with different guys until you are sure you have found the right one. I told guys that I was seriously looking for a long term partner if not a 2nd husband. I told them I would be dating other guys as well as the same time as they came across my life. No one had a problem with that. When I met the right guy, to whom I am now married, there was no wondering if he was good enough, he made ALL the other males pale in comparison. I knew he was special from the first couple phone calls before we met in person.
In this case, its up to you whether you want to break off or do something to have a situation in which you actually date him to discover if he's right for you and if theres a chance to fall in love. Theres those who say they love a person and those who say they are in love. The deeper love is the 'in love' situation. People love lots of things, and it can mean just a preferance at the time for , without any real deep down commitment. Had that 1st time with my ex. Said he loved me but treated me like shit. Then at end of marriage, in talking to a counselor, he finally admitting after avoiding answering the question, "Are you in love with your wife," says that he loves me as the mother of his children but is not in love with me. That answered a lot of questions in how he treated me. And I left him and we divorced. He seems to already know some of what I am telling you. HE's positive that something might come from the two of you dating but you seem to think that is not possible in this lifetime. Dont know how you got that idea but that is not true. It is possible. But you both need to be ready to end the other relationships and date each other. Or, if you know your current bf is the one you want to grow old with, then don't do anything to encourage the male friend. He's interested in checking you out more...so let him know one way or the other. Something like, my bf and I are in love and committed to each other. SO I am truly not looking. Or, "I like my boyfriend a lot, but not entirely sure there is someone maybe more perfect for me to be with and grow old with together. So, if you still feel like seriously exploring if we can go beyond friendship and become a couple in love, then I am willing to break up with my bf, if you are willing to break up with your girl friend, as I do not wish to date someone who has another girl thinking he is committed to her. Commitment is not choosing one and then choosing another to add into your life while still seeing another."
I am sure he will either let you know right then if he is serious or was just flirting for fun but not serious. The last thing a guy wants is a girl believing his non serious flirting was taken for real interest so that she is now pursuing him in earnest.
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