|
My boyfriend is acting weird...I think I disappointed him :(
So me and my boyfriend are both 18 years old and virgins. We're both each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend. So the other day we were making out and he went lower down my neck and to my boobs (I was wearing a bikini at the time and a swimsuit cover). We've made out a lot but this is the first time he went that low (we've been dating for 8 months) and he started kissing the exposed part of my breasts. He suddenly gripped my butt hard and pulled away looking at me. I asked him what was wrong and he was reluctant to tell me but eventually said he wanted to go lower as in pull my bikini top off. I said no because 1) our parents weren't too far away and 2) I wasn't ready... So he changed the subject and act like nothing happened. Today, a few days after, he still acts like that. I made a small joke regarding something about it just to clear the ice and because we're always joking and laughing with each other (I texted him the joke) and he just didn't respond and just changed the subject. Now I feel like I let him down or something. It's almost like I disappointed him... I just wasn't ready to be touched that way. I wasn't ready to expose my body yet. I wasn't comfortable. To this day he hasn't said anything about it. I've mentioned to him before that I was abstinent. He is a Christian like me but he isn't abstinent. I'm kinda scared that because I'm abstinent will hurt our relationship. Should I feel bad that I said no? I love him and treats me like a queen. Maybe he felt deserving of it? Maybe he was? :(
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hurray to Adviceman, as he gave you the very best advice, what I would have said.
I only want to add that I was in a combo HS/college age group when your age. I had some male but wasn't dating. I want to tell you that even in churches, you'll want males who want sex for fun and many college girl friends complained to me after a couple dates with different guys where each tried to get away with something sexual with her. I was glad to learn then that just because they may go to church, they may not abstain. The pastor said, just because you find a mouse in a cookie jar, that doesn't make him a cookie, anymore than some people you find going to church are not believers, not Christians. A person can call themselves one but not adhere to or beleive any of the bible or doctrines. I agree he's probably pouting. I will second the thought of not to worry that abstinence will hurt a dating relationship. If you do not want to have sex until you are married and with your husband, then remember, there are guys who will wait until they are married to their girl, no matter how much they don't like not being able to have sex with her because their love for her is stronger. I have heard that line too, having sex to prove you love them. That is so false. Do a search on line for the 5 love languages. These are 5 differing ways that people show they love you and not in any of the 5 is sex mentioned. The five are giving of gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time together, and lastly physical touch. With physical touch, it can be the gentle arm around the shoulder, stroking your hair, holding hands, giving of a back rub, all ways to show you love a person for who they are, not the sex they can give you. But once two are both in love with each other, then sex is a wonderful outpouring, generated simply by two lives that have come together in love. The words "I love you" so have sex with me, do not necessarily mean he loves you like that. He may care for you, but not deeply enough to be love. Words are simple and easy. A person proves their love by how they treat you and thats where study of the 5 love languages can give you a really good idea of how a person shows whether they are in love with you. At 18, first love is special and strong but it may not last to the point where both can marry and have children together. I knew of pregnant teens in church who were so sure their bf loved them but they had abandoned the girl and one had the parents kick her out of home so a family at church sponsored her, offering her a place to live, taking her in.
]
You should not feel bad, you have your values and they are good ones. You are legally an adult and if you wanted a sex life you could have one. IF your values say tom wait then wait don't be pressured to give up on your values.
When it comes to sex, any type of sex NO means NO. It is just that simple. Making out is a form of foreplay which puts it in the category of sex. If you are being pressured to do something your not comfortable with, such as exposing your breasts to him; that is sexual harassment a violation of the law punishable by real jail time.
Teenage boys want to have sex to prove their manhood. They will say or do anything to get a girl to do something she is not truly willing to do. One famous line is, "I love you if you love me you will have sex with me." This is the worst reason to have sex with some one to prove your love for him. Sex is not how you prove your love for someone.
Your boyfriend is pouting, giving you a cold shoulder so to speak. HE wants you to bare your breasts to him. Do not give in to him. Make it plain to him that you have values and what those values are. Turn the tables on him and say, "If you love me you will abide by my values and not pressure me to do something I'm not willing to do." Then you will find out if he loves you or merely lusts for you.
He is not deserving of sexual favors, no man is. They are given when a women feels loves and is trusting of her partner; not before
]
More Questions: |