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What should I do about my ex?
It’s ok if he moves on and is in a relationship but its not ok for me to do it? I’m not saying I let him get involved in my life but my question is what can i do for him to stop/protect myself. (I actually don't let him get involved. He finds out this info and I only tell a small amount of people, and then he has his "buddies" figure out who the guy I am seeing is)
He has been dating a girl for three years they also plan to get married next month. However when a man tries to enter my life or tries to date me he doesn’t like it and goes and messes it up. (By talking crap about me, by hitting or going up to a guy who shows interest in me) (I also haven’t seen him in 5 years and this past summer was my first time seeing him again). I confronted him about our past relationship since we were so toxic and he said to me "I still love you but I can't be with you because I already promised another girl that I would marry her"
If it also helps he has anger issues like very bad anger issues and in the past has hit my ex boyfriend. The reason why he hit my ex boyfriend was because he found out him and i were seeing each other, He went up to my ex and asked him "What's between you and Tara" my boyfriend at that time replied "I love her" and he punched him for saying that, He also had my cousin spy on us. Also tried another time to beat up my boyfriend at that time by trying to take him somewhere far so he can beat him and my boyfriend got away.
I was also talking to his cousin once on Facebook and we just had normal "Hey, How are you" conversations and I wake up one day and see that he has blocked me for no reason. I believe that reason was because of my ex. But I now have been dating someone else and he doesn't know and i intend to keep it that way.I plan on moving back to the state he's in because my family and friends live there.
Do you guys think this behavior will stop when he gets married and has kids? Why is he still doing this? Advice please?
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I don't know if you can file a restraining order against him with police is he hasn't directly threatened you or said or promised to do things that make you fear for your life, which is when a restraining order can be made. However, there should at least be a paper trail with the police. Your boyfriend I hope called and reported this to the police. Once they see the pattern of all your future bf's been physically attacked by this guy who isn't even dating you anymore and not available and moved on, it will be easier to have a restraining order put on him. Either way, I would call my local police and ask. The order would have to include not approaching you or your bf's and not to contact any of your family to learn things about you or where to find you. If he even calls an aunt and the family needs to report it to the police or to you to report it. He can go to jail for breaking a restraining order. What he is doing sounds a lot like 'stalking' to me, always trying to find out where you are at so he can check on you and see if you are with another guy. No matter what crazy reason he got engaged for, he made himself unvailable to you. He can not dictate that you remain single while he marries. If he's not marrying for love, but money, then this very action of choosing money over love just goes to show how little he cares about love. He may fool himself into thinking he still loves you and want the best of both worlds, having her money and having you to control and have sex with. I don't think he may even be capable of love. Some minds are that twisted. My ex was someone like that. He fooled himself, and me and family into beleiving himself to love me but once married, it became clear he was abusive.
Your ex's actions so far show he is not good relationship material at all so its good you are no longer with him. But his behavior needs to be reported. You also need to let family know when you have made this a police matter and tell them not to give him any info about you and to report when he contacts any of them. You will also have to let family know that whenever the two families are getting together, that you want to know so you can plan to not attend. You can see your own family on other get to-gethers. If lets say you really liked his cousins who are friends, or his parents, it is okay to keep in touch with them but they have to know that it has to be separate, without him around and let them know how he's acting possessively, hitting your bf's and stalking you. Ifhis family are offended and don't believe you, then its time to cut things off with them. Keeping up the seeing of people in his family who are 'tight with yours', would be too encouraging to him to continue his psycho-attachment to you. Block his phone number too.
Let any new bf's know what the situation is. If any guy really cares about you, he'll want to protect you and won't be scared off by the chance that your ex might attack him to discourage you from seeing anyone. Your bf's need to report to the police together with you as they were the ones hit. Any new ones should be willing to go through legal channels to handle this guy and not do anything that could make it look like he is the one at fault, throwing the first punch, or hunting him down to give him a piece of his mind and getting into a fist fight. All that would look bad.
Also, next time you see him coming and it looks like he will attack your ex, get your cell camera ready and get a video of him attacking and thats great proof for the police. But you might want to consider calling the police right then, even if the ex has already left the scene. You can describe what he was wearing which you wouldn't know if he hadn't come by and give them the desciption of his car and license, show them the video and I'll bet they'll put out a notice for any cops to pick him up and bring him in for questioning. If theres a restraining order that he broke in making contact, and the bf files a complaint of being physically attacked, he's already got two counts against him. If thats not enough to keep him in jail, if he's released and repeats the offenses, I'll bet he'll been in jail for a longer amount of time.
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The way i see it, he does not want you to move on. when two people break up there is an invisible competitiveness that takes place to see which person is happier without the other. He is in another relationship so he should not be involved in your personal life. your ex is a person that you cut out of your life because it never worked out unless you agreed to remain friends. This is truly unhealthy for you and you should try your best to cut off all contact with him unless you still have feelings for him. Threaten to tell his fiance' if he does not stop invading your privacy. He has absolutely no business meddling in your life and he wants to make sure that you remain unhappy. i dont think you should be bothered about whether or not his behavior will change, by you giving him attention he has already won and will continue to ruin your relationships if you do not leave him in the past. I think it would be wise to not interact with his family so often as it gives him leverage to call your family and question your whereabouts. You should explain his irrational behavior to your new partner so that he does not interfere. Slowly but surely, once he realises you dont have time for him and have moved on, he will do the same
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